Thursday, May 20

Jungle Meat

Last night I went on a quest. It was not a quest for something noble and legendary, such as a Holy Grail...

Nor was it a quest for some powerful source of energy necessary for survival, such as a quest for fire...

No, I was simply out looking for a place that could satisfy my desire to obtain a replacement ultra lite 29'er tube. Since handing my $8 tube to Andreas last Saturday my life has been off balance. As I mentioned before I have two preloaded Awesome Straps always at the ready to leave in drop bags and to keep in my pits at races with such conveniences. Both straps are (errrr... were) preloaded with Kenda Super Lite 29'er tubes as well as the one I carry on my bike at all times.
I have always considered these tubes to be the most bestest tubes to carry around on my bike since they are sorta lightweight and they pack down nice and small. Normal tubes just won't do.

Finding myself short one tube I felt a disturbance in the Force. I had been losing sleep these past few nights, but yesterday I woke up realizing just what was causing my world to slip off its axis. I decided that I would head out that evening after work in search of a new ultra lite 29'er tube to restore my cosmic balance.

The first shop I came to had absolutely no 29'er tubes. They did have a few 29'er tires, but I did not bother to ask them what they suggest their 29'er tire customers stick in their 29'er tires after they purchase them. I just moved on to the next store.

The next shop knew what I was talking about. They even had a slot on the tube shelves for exactly what I was looking for, but apparently all the people who had bought 29'er tires from the other shop had bought them all. Disappointed and empty handed I had to roll on Vanilla Ice style, so I kept on pursuing to the next stop .

The next shop had more tubes than I could shake a mini-pump at. I had to ask for help since all the boxes looked alike, and I had no time to run to the nearby drugstore to purchase a suitable set of reading glasses. Did they have a Kenda Super Lite 29'er tube? Not quite, but they did have something better. How do I know that their tube is better than my old $8 tube?

Because this is a $10 tube.

At the early signs of my obvious dismay over the exorbitant price the employee informed me that the tube was "pre-talc'd". His insight was affirmed when I looked at the box.

As if that wasn't enough affirmation the employee at the register also reaffirmed my affirmation by saying "This tube is pre-talc'd." It's been awhile since I've bought a tube or read Mountain Bike Action, but I guess this must be the latest thing in tube technology or else the upper management at Specialized is trying to really push these "pre-talc'd" tubes.

When I got home I found my "pre-talc'd" tube in a tidy little zip lock bag (no doubt adding to its value) which preserved the tube's talcy state very well. The tube was about the right size for strapping to my bike, approximately one Mike Piazza tall X .75 Mike Piazzas wide.

Sponsor liaison and equipment procurement specialist Admiral Ackbar was none to pleased to see a product from the Big S in the house (the Big S has yet to send a big check this way), but he was quite excited about this new technological development in the tube industry.

The tube was lighter than the Kenda Super Lite tube it replaced, but I can't say exactly by how much because in all the excitement of having my first "pre-talc'd" tube in the house I had it strapped on my bike in a matter of minutes before I had a chance to weigh it (or as they say on MTBR, "weight it").

I also lost a small amount of additional weight as I only got back one of my stackable Genuine Innovations tire levers, but I can't blame that one on Andreas. I grabbed one of his by accident in my hurry to collect my belongings after the race and left one of mine behind. My failure is my success.

I almost forgot...

There's some big'esque news out there you need to know. has now made my quest for "the complete and utter domination of the cycling industry and media types" official'esque. Tyler "Toolbag" Benedict of Bike Tumor has announced that he will be presenting the Bike Tumor Media Cup to the highest placing member of the elitist cycling media types at the Breck Epic this August. He mentioned that none other than Mike "I left my fast bike at home" Ferrentino will be returning to the high country for another dose of low oxygen beat downs at the hands of yours truly, so if that is true I would say that we have a race on our hands.

Life just gets better in leaps and bounds.

I no longer believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or Ned Overend.

The Pie ROCKS!


cornfed said...

No longer, unless you actually know longer.
wv: psiciess

Big Bikes said...

You should have nodded your head at all the "pre-talc'd" talk at the shop, then made a big show of opening the box and screaming "Jesus Christ! What is all this crap on this tube! What is it — packed in Anthrax!?!"

I just use 700-35x44c Hybrid tubes for emergency flat-fixy purposes.

Just sayin'


dicky said...

Damn it. Stupid last minute edit job before I ran out the door late for work. Stupid phone that allows me to comment but not edit. Stupid friends that mock my stupidity. Do you "no" how much this upsets me? I've got word out to the home office as I type... wv~ thadisafukr

cornfed said...

Love the edit! The Pie does Rock. She should sneak surprise edits in frequently. A little "find the Pie" daily fun.

wv: glizedne

jkeiffer said...

26" Turbo tubes are all I've ever needed. Why didn't you leave it in the baggie though, I'd imagine its not long before the pre-talc'ed aspect doesn't matter anymore awesomely strapped to your seat tube like that.