This Aggression Will Stand

Being a Topeak ambassador means that sometimes a box just shows up.  When I open it, I might get something I've expected.  I mean, they ask me what I might possibly want, weeks go by, a box arrives at my door... and sometimes it's something I wasn't expecting, didn't ask for, and leaves me slightly befuddled.

I don't just request random things.  As evidenced by my recent culling of unnecessary things, I only want objects that take up space in my life that are useful.  Things that serve a purpose or mebbe are an improvement on what I already have.

So, I came home to a big box on Friday. 

I don't remember asking for something that would fit in a big box, but alas, here it is.

The Prepstand X.

Allow me to be a shitty ungrateful bastard before I even take it outta the box.

I was brought up believing that the standard clamp-a-frame-pipe-and-spin-the-bike-around-in-space was the only way a work stand should operate.  When these "take your front wheel off" type stands started popping up years ago, I thought they were dumb.  Because... different.

This is despite the fact that almost every time I see a pro bike being worked on by a pro mechanic, it's almost always a front wheel off the bike kinda stand.

So, take my current living situation.  My small house offers me a tiny space behind the kitchen to work on my bikes.  Too small for my Feedback work stand to really be any use, so I just perma-mounted it out on the porch sans legs.

I do head out there from time to time... when it's not too cold... or too hot... or I'm not too lazy to carry what tools I might need out there with me.

Most of the time, I just lean my bike against my work bench or flip it upside down... and end up with a sore lower back if I don't pay attention to how much time I'm spending hunched over.

So, despite the fact that I have already come up with a work around or two for my current living situation, I figured before I asked for a return label, I'd give it a chance despite my prejudices and whatnot.

Me in my tiny space, beer fetcher removed from its hitching post, as I often do when I feel the need to move about freely.

Room for the feet parts...

and enough room between the bench and the stand to actually move around and do repair things.

But still, it looks cramped and is there enough room to move the bike into different positions to work on different ailing parts?

I didn't look at the instructions before I started playing with it, partly due to male stubbornness but also because I figured mebbe it would work intuitively like an iPhone or a VCR or a space shuttle.

This was obvious:

Tilt... up... down.  Mmkay.  I already fiddled with that knob when I was taking it outta the box, so obvs.

Also, because I'm not a monkey, this was easy to figure out and...

It made perfect sense once I started playing with it.  Traditional stands have one collar, and when you loosen it to either rotate the bike or raise/lower it, you had to control both motions.  Two collars means you can rotate the bike WITHOUT having gravity trying to pull it down towards planet earth.

Up.  Down.

Round and round.

Obviously, in my cramped quarters, I don't have much room for round and round as I do up and down... or at least I thought.

I was down here messing with the bottom bracket cradle and strappy bit that holds the back of the bike in place...

when I accidentally discovered this feature:

So, yeah.  The whole thing slides back and forth quite a bit, allowing me to spin the bike in all the directions quite a bit more than I woulda thought in my cramped quarters.  Also worth noting, since the clamp is directly above the stand (as opposed to almost a foot out from center), I've got more room AND the whole thing is way stable compared to a regular stand.

Well, well, well.

Other little bits of information:

There are adapters that pop in and out for quick-release, 12 x 100 mm, 15 x 100 / 110 mm, 20 x 110 mm thru-axle forks. Good for me, since I have three out of five of those standards in my house.

Obviously, it folds down nice and small-like:

Which means it fits under my work bench when it's not in use.

And of course there's an optional tool tray that I don't need because my tools are right behind me... and an optional travel bag if you're the prepared sort to travel with a work stand.

So there you have it.  Sometimes (often times) I don't know what's good for me.

Thanks, Topeak (said in the same voice you might say "thanks, mom and dad" when they coerce you to make the right decision through guilt tripping or other parental device).

Clouds of Depression Lifted

Praise be.

I got what I wanted.

I reached out to Todd earlier in the week in an attempt to pin down a plan to go to the mountains.  He agreed, invited others... that's about as far as the plan went.

Eventually he tossed out a couple options.  Something something Bennett or head to Wilson's for some Sinkhole Brown Mountain #9... something... something.

I tell him Pisgah Proper sounds better (partially because of potential post-ride beers at The Hub).

Saturday.  Wake up at 6:20AM.  Seriously wonder if anything is worth getting up this early for on a weekend.  I haven't been to the mountains in so long, I can't remember.

Get in the car, head out, stop for gas... and I hear "Hey, Dicky."

I'm hearing things.

Look around.  Jacob is standing there looking at me with so much youthful exuberance, bikes mounted on the back of his vehicle.

"Where you going?"

"Dunno... but probably Pisgah Proper."

"We're going to Brown Mountain.  Pretty soon, it will be back open to OHV traffic, so we wanna get it while we can."

Now I want to go to.

I think the last time I was on Brown Mountain woulda been the early 2000s... back when I had a stupid 40+ lb "free ride" bike.  You know, the kinda bike that would now weigh 29lbs and have 1-2" more travel.

Anyhoo, when I meet up with Emily, Greg, Jason and Todd, I put in my request.  They acquiesce. 

And what follows was a bluebird day in the woods with friends... and as the mountains do often, we ended up bumping into Jacob and his crew off and on all day long from start to finish.

 Quite honestly, this is exactly what I needed.

Super steep climbs on ATV trails along with even steeper chutes and rock tech stuff that I haven't seen in almost two decades.

I've been riding Charlotte way too much this winter, losing what 1,000 yard stare I had for riding long descents at speed. Also, I built the Vasssago Meatplow V.8 for going to the mountains, and I haven't been living up to my part of the bargain.

This halp.

Todd took us up and over and down to an off the beaten path-path promising either the best or at least second best view in North Carolina.

 He also thinks Peanut Butter M&M's are the best M&M's, so his opinion is slightly tainted.

The ride was just long and hard enough to prove that I have a long way to go before I'm Pisgah fit. Honestly, despite my lack of fitness, it was still the bast day I've had in the saddle in such a long, long time.

Also, La Salsas...

According to Greg, this is the first time that he had to walk away from an unfinished, novelty-sized Dos Equis (I won't mention the half a burrito in a to-go bag).

Stealing Bread

I was really tossing around the idea of heading to the Croatan Buck Fifty garvel grinder this weekend, but I ended up deciding against it.  It sounds like a hell of a great time, but as the real "season" approaches, I'm feeling the urge to do things more in line with my eventual intentions.  Lots of flat garvel versus some time in the Pisgah (I haven't been there in over a month?)...

I need to get my climbing legs going.

Whilst I've been losing fitness gained from Winter Shart Tarck, my PMBAR partner Watts has done a mountain bike stage race in Israel, a garvel event in Utah, and he's going to the Buck Fifty this weekend.

Last weekend, I rode my bike to a brewery.

And back.

So to say our fitness is probably in two different places right now would be a fair assumption.

In order to gain some rapid fire motivation, Nick "Dip 'n Spray" Barlow and I are teaming up once again for the 6 Hours of Warrior Creek.  I think this is our fourth go at it?  We've been able to post up twice in the two spot on the podium and fall way short with a fifth a couple years ago.

I'd considered doing this race solo 50+, but it's not like I've been getting the kinda mileage in March that I used to back when six hours in the saddle sounded like something to do in April.  Not to mention, I've really been doing such a terrible job prioritizing events with a 50+ category, so why even pretend to have any focus right now?  Regardless of class (I've done Solo, 40+ Duo, and SS Duo), it always feels like the beginning of the "season" for me.  The race has been going on since '09, and I've been there every year.

Back when I wore white shoes... and raced a rigid single speed with pink wheels.

An incredibly groovy course with a million berms, great people, a lot of my little friends will be there, big payouts (if you can get a spot on the box), and last year there was free beer at the after party?  Still no word if that's coming back tho, but I'll take the risk.  There's still a few spots left, so as people get used to seeing the sun again, be prepared for the event to sell out.  It pretty much always do.

I'm also sorting out my stage race intentions.  If you'd read my last three posts, you'd know that sorting things takes time tho.

The morning after I got us registered for Warrior Creek, I stepped on the scale.

Let's just say (without saying much at all) that I have my work cut out for me. 

Meh. 

I'm an "athlete."

Enough of That

(in)Soles for days...

Gross?  Mebbe.

Probably.

I keep old insoles that are in decent condition. I've found some shoes that fit like dog turds with stock insoles that work better with another brand.  I've got SIDIs inside a pair of Mavics, Mavics inside of Pearl Izumis... etc.

Probably still gross tho.

This was the main goal in doing all this (aside from making my eventual death less of a burden on my loved ones):

I've got usable space on my bench again.  No more bits of chain, busted pedals, empty Ziploc bags, almost used paper towel, broken iPhone 6, random lights, stickers... it was almost completely covered and pretty useless as an actual "work" bench.  Would be great if it were slightly higher for working on shit, but... good enough.

I'm definitely not saying that I've gone through 100% of my bits.  There's still a box of stuff full of things that I could probably sell for $10-30 a bit, but... effort.  And what if I need a 70mm stem again (I won't) or find myself wanting 670mm handlebars (nope)?

It's a small box, I swear. 

Oh, and there's this:

Probably the shamiest of the shames.  I see canti-posts, a derailleur mount bolt, a V-brake pad, Marzocchi air pump adapters, three (four?) different standards of crank bolts, Grip Shift cable door covers...

Ever since I moved into the new house and put this toolbox out in the washer closet, I've ignored it, aside from the lower two levels full of household tools... most of them found on the side of the road or "borrowed" from my father.  It's probably time to pitch the entirety of the bike-related contents and just make it a "home owner" tool box.

Probably.

Mebbe I wait until next year, just in case.

More Compulsing

Continuing with the sorting and cleaning and pitching and storing of things...

I rarely use a bike computer (do we still call them "cyclometers?), and when I do, it's a really old wireless Cateye Strada.  Yet still, I had computer bits from multiple units in two separate containers and on my pegboard.  No sense in taking up a hook on the wall for the couple times a year I need it handy, I decided to sort what was useful and get it all in one container.

Since I have to familiarize myself with the instructions just about every time I use it, I didn't wanna toss them, but all folded up proper like... too many languages to fit in the tiny storage can.

Wouldn't you know, Cateye felt my pain.

Chop, chop, and in the can... not to be seen again until PMBAR to cover my time piece requirement.

I'm happy and yet still shamey as to how this turned out:

All my tires stored in the same place and in an orderly fashion.  Above it, my rarely used MTB (non-commuter) lights, an almost as rarely used Sawyer filter, chains, Industry Nine spare parts, crank/bottom bracket bits (to include a worn-out Dura Ace loose bearing BB for my tarck bike that I can't bring myself to throw away), fully organized Shimano brake stuff, and a box full of discontinued Backcountry Research straps that I use for all manner of things.  Strapping my puffy coat or a library book to my handlebars, keeping a crank arm stationary for stubborn removals, holding bikes in place on less than optimal car racks... whatever.

This ammo can...

Used to just have gel flasks (that I don't really use?) and chamois cream samples in it.  Kind of a waste, so I recycled a mess of the flasks and put all my PMBAR gear in it, along with backup PMBAR items for people who lose track of whistles, emergency blankets, and ponchos from year to year.

And those chamois creams... ?

Hoarded like an elderly man who keeps dead hearing aid batteries "just in case."  These will come in handy if I keep them more handy, I guess... as opposed to in an ammo can outta reach with other items I never touch.  Mebbe also a good idea to keep the sample embro packs somewhere other than with the chamois creams.

Getting closer...

Made hay, no sunshine

Aside from finding out that my car battery was dead right at the beginning of four days where I was expected to be an Uber for my daughter and the doggo, it wasn't all bad.

Up super early on Saturday to get Nia to her ACTs. The rest of the day with Boppit... until it's time to pick Nia up, take her home, take her to work... and then pick her up again at 10:30PM.

So what to do at home with a dog all day long?

How about finally going through all the tiny bits and baubles littering my work bench area? A proper culling has been a long time coming.  Shit that I've been collecting for what I guess would be more than two decades.

Kid makes ashtray.  Parent doesn't smoke.  Parent fills ashtray with all the things.

Such random crap.  More valve caps than I can shake a valve stem at.  Rando bolts, cable clips and sorters.  Washers.  Ear bud mushrooms.  O-rings.  Just a shameful collabo.

I had a small bin of what I'll call "shoe hardware."  Cleat bolts with some life left in them.  Used and new cleat shims.  Almost but not completely trashed toe spikes and the associated tools to insert them into the soles.

For the life of me, I don't remember the shoes this went to or what the tiny end did (does?).  I kept nothing but the new bits... and some spare straps and buckles... and tiny screws... and mebbe some SIDI SRS replaceable sole bits that don't look ded yet.  I'm almost ashamed at how much I kept, but not as ashamed as I am about how much I had collected.

My previously "organized" Shimano bleed and part box.

Jeebus.  How many sets of brakes does this pile represent?  How many olive inserter grabbers did I think I'd need?

Looks like about twenty.  And those UFO looking things.  And the things that keep brake pads apart.  And those piston blocks.  And all the ti hardware.

Dammit.

I assure you I cut it down to reusable hardware and only one spare of the plastic bits.  Mebbe.

Tire levers.

The Park TL-1 levers are my go to for tire installs and removal.  Not the newer TL-1 levers with "PARK TOOL" in the current script tho.  They changed the material they're made with to something shitty and flexy.  The way old ones are the bestest... and they're also the ones covered in latex goo.  The others?  Found or given to me at some point.  I pick them up when I see them in the trail.  Ikinda dig the metal core one.  Maxxis levers get trapped on the bikes to stay sponsor correct, natch.  That Giro multi tool you see in there... dates back to pre-'96.  Ohio days.  I have no idea why I still had it in my possession.

You think that's it?

Of course not.

I can draw this out for a couple more days easy.

Weekends like these...

I picked pretty much the worst possible time (in known history) to turn fifty and enter the era of old people racing.  Yet another weekend coming up where dirt ride possibilities are terribly limited.  Not only am I primary dog/child caregiver starting tonight, it gonna rain.  Again.  Because that's what it do.

And the trainer I bought for The Pie so many years ago continues to collect dust in the murder room/crawl space under the house.  As much as I wanted to be "fast at fifty," I just can't do that to myself.  Bike riding is an outdoor activity.

Nothing against those that train indoors.  They want whatever it is they want much more than I have since some time around 1995 or so when I lived in Ohio.

My best opportunity to get in the saddle will be Sunday.  Unless I wanna cage Boppit and deal with the massive drool cleanup (think Katrina), it's my only window where he can be left outta the crate with some supervision.  It will be warm and moist... but I just cleaned all the unfortunate Watts Fappening related mud off the By:Stickel Beer Fetcher, the obvious bike of choice for around town boredom crushing.

So... yet another thumb-twiddling, navel-gazing weekend on deck.

Hardly training for anything much at all.

Positive note: I'm finally trying to focus on what I might be doing for the months following PMBAR.  Feels good to be making some kinda plan(s).

Also,  Podcasts.

I've been listening to them for years now.  Mostly bike-related at first, then branching out into other interests (I guess I have some).  Anyways, I've been wondering if that's the best thing to be constantly piping into my head.  Without taking quiet times to just think, is there a correlated drop in the tendency to have a creative thought?  Opinion forming?  Crazy idea exploring?  Fantasizing?  Is having voices speaking to you that aren't yours cluttering up the works and keeping things from firing on all cylinders?

Anyone?  Anyone?

Ride and Seek '19

I text Nick "Dick 'n Spray" Barlow at 6:20AM just to be sure he was up.  He's someone I've found that I can count on, but being that we were in for hours and hours of soupy mud riding today, mebbe he got smarter than he is considerate.

"I'm up.  Walking my dog.  Leaving soon."

Well, shit.  I guess we're doing this thing.

He scoops me up, offers me a Taco Bell breakfast burrito of some sort.

"I'm fine.  I had two Pop Tarts."

Get there, he offers me the burrito once more.  I take it... because... burrito.

Sign in, suit up, agree that we agree to have a good time.  Nothing more.

I have to run to get the map with the checkpoints.  So begins the things I was not looking forward to when I signed up for this event. 

*sigh*

The run isn't as dreadful as it coulda been, as we were told to run towards the flat water boat docks... which were in my mind miles away.  The gigantic laminated maps were handed out at the bottom of the first hill, a long way from the docks.  Kudos.

Run back into oncoming traffic.

We look at the map and decide to knock out the most Northern of the seventeen checkpoints first.  The three mystery checkpoints?  Totally unknown, but we were told that MCP 1 would tell you where MCP 2 was and so on, and that we were likely to stumble on one eventually and that would either help or not.

Fuckery but I knew that's what this race was about.  Fun type fuckery.

We leave out towards the north, and I suggested we take the trail that parallels the main road thinking mebbe there would be some "mystery benefit" to doing so.  We stumble right into one... but it's MCP 3.  No clues towards the other two.  We had to do some strange walk with a helmet sammiched between our backs and drop it into a bucket.  We mastered it as if it were just part of our day jobs (it's not).

Off and up and we get to MCP 1 on Smokey.  One teammate does 10 pushups, the other 15 burpees.  I take the burpees because I think I sorta understand what they are (after she explains them to me).  I totally suck at them, but we get credit and find out the location of MCP 2.

Smokey to Bandit to Panda and now we have 5 of a potential 20 CPs.  Much buenos and it's still early.  Ride the road back towards the center, drop into Academy and then some more trails that if you have never ridden USNWC, you wouldn't know what I was talking about.

Get towards the end of the Thread Trail and see a yellow CP cone right there to our left.  We punch our card, turn around... and see a directional arrow.

Shit.

According to the rules, all trails must be used in the direction of the design.  I thought we were still on the Thread, but we went the wrong way on Figure Eight for all of about thirty or forty feet.  We roll out quietly, and then talk about what to do.

"We can just tell them at the finish that we didn't get that checkpoint."

"We could also finish the loop and then go back and ride around it all again."

Shit.

Back around and to the checkpoint again and ride the same trail out we already rode once.

Shit.

On our route around to repeat the CP (legally), we could see the CP on the Jack Rabbit Loop just a few yards up the hill.  Frustrating to be so close yet so far away.

Back out to the main loop around the fake river channel... start looking for the Jack Rabbit Loop.  Neither one of us had ever ridden this beginner loop before, so we spent some time riding around aimlessly looking for it.  We found it (unmarked?) and did the little loop to the yellow cone we'd seen some time ago. 

From here, I feel like I can navigate the middle third of our route without a whole lotta looking at the map.  I know the access roads and trails pretty well.  Up into Carpet Loop and into the MCP 2.  Had to choose a set of letters, dump them out, and unscramble the word.  I spill them out while Nick grabs a candy bar.

My Enigma Machine kicks in...

"FLAPJACK!"

We roll on, get the south CPs, and head over to the Lake Loop.

At this point, we're pretty much covered in mud.  I haven't been able to drink much, my bottles gritty with mud and mebbe dog poop.  I was counting on that nutrition.  Nick was counting my stupidity... thus him offering me that spare burrito earlier in the day.

I wasn't sure we'd have enough time to grab the east side of the trails, but with an hour and a half to go, it looks like we're going there.  Prairie is a mess, we enter Tributary at an illogical point (because I'm afraid we might take a non-approved entrance (I was wrong there), but end up getting all the remaining CPs.  I also find out the hard way that my rear brake pads shoulda been changes either before the race or about an hour after it started.

We never really pushed the pace all that much, but I can tell that I mighta ran outta my reserve tank, what with only about 111 of the 444 calories in my bottles consumed.

Still, we managed to roll in at 3:37 with all the CPs punched on our card.  6th place in the Open Men division.

Also pretty sure I was the first person to have all my laundry done and my bike clean, and as of Sunday, after an hour and a half working on my bike, 100% of my bearings in tact or replaced.

Some sort of podium material right there.

I found a thing to do

I tend to do my wallowing in the muck of self-pity in private.

That said, it's not real anyways.  Just boredom.  Which is a right proper past time of the privileged.

Ho hum.  The struggle to find a struggle is real.

Between the rain that's been squashing proper ride time, a lack of anything resembling a "goal" on the near horizon, and staring out the window wondering how soon before lawn care becomes a thing again...

I've realized recently how normal people are able to gain weight at a rate right around a pound a year starting at the age of 25.  Without the making of great bike cycle racing on my mind all these past years, I can see where they'd sneak up on me.  I'm currently no larger (winter weight) than I've been since moving down here from Ohio in '96, but I look down on this added girth, and it's obvious how it would just happen.  Much less like watching grass grow and more like mebbe a tree... until it's big enough to provide shade.

And then you're all like, "Shit, when did that tree get so big?"

The early "season" goal of possibly doing the Pisgah Stage Race is off the table.  Heading up to see family in Ohio around other people's schedules is the priority at that time. Probably a good thing based on my current condition anyways.

*pauses to gaze into an even deeper than before navel*

Not that I would, but the idea of buying a road bike keeps creeping into my cortex.  More so, the idea of a road bike than the actual road bike.  What it represents.  Escape.  Something other than spinning my knobs off riding a SS MTB all over town looking for curbs to jump.  I've been down that literal road before tho, so I'll just skip to the part where I hate it and throw money out the window of my car while driving down the highway.

In an effort to avoid the privilege of boredom and despite all my feelings and better judgments about doing this event, I signed Nick "Dip 'n Spray" Barlow and I up for the Ride and Seek Adventure Race at the US National Whitewater Center tomorrow. 

Cons:

I don't like alley cat/adventure type races.  Too much left to chance.  I like mystery checkpoints like Garfield likes Mondays.  Grrrrr.  I know PMBAR is my favorite event in the world, but... ummm... that's different... because I said it is.

I don't know all the ins and outs about getting around the USNWC.  All the connecting gravel bits, roads, paths... hell, even some of the trails that are relatively new.  I know Pisgah much better, and look at how well I can screw up at PMBAR.

I've been told that there's been some cheating in the past events (not riding trails in the proper direction/out-and-backed checkpoints).  I hate being outsmarted, but I really, really hate losing to someone who cheated.

Neither Nick or myself are in shape.

It's probably gonna be muddy.

Pros:

I need something to do Saturday morning.

It's relatively cheap and very close to my house.

They still had one XL and one XXL event t-shirt left.  Huzzah!

Regardless of the outcome, it will be fun to play bike games in the woods with Nick.  We can get pissed off together all day long.

There's not enough time to even think about trying to get in shape.

It's gonna be muddy just about every where else, and with evening plans in the books already, what else was I gonna do?

Next week, expect much regaling.

BTW: A quick tire swap last night from shart tarck skinnies to normal meats.  The milKit Booster 2.0 is still 100% at getting tires to seat on the first try.

Just like that, it Fappened

The Watts Fappening 4 happened and nobody was (permanently) injured.

I thought Watts and Dorothy would be at my house around noon, but at 12:08, I got the text that they hadn't even left Greensboro yet.  I called to confirm... yeth.  That wasn't a joke.

Eat a sad lunch, post up the delay on the event page, watch the rain fall from my living room window.

They roll up around 2:00 (the actual start time of the Fap), assemble their tandem which was shoved in the back of their Honda Fit, we roll out in the drizzle towards the first stop.

Skip and Moe were already there, as well as Jim.  Order a beer.. Bill Nye, Daily, and Tod roll in.  Everyone is moist.

We prepare to roll on to the next stop, the rain picks up... order another beer.

We decide that since the rain will probably stymie the normal brewery crowds, we'll skip Rhino Market and head to Triple C where we pick up Lars... somehow... at an unplanned stop.  More beer and then roll over to Blue Blaze.

Cool.  It's still wet outside.

Sigh.  Now for the big pull all the way across town to Birdsong, road soda under the overpass (possibly inspiring a Watts Fappening 5 theme of drinking beer wherever homeless people relieve themselves).

Did anyone know that Trade Street is big time closed?  Like sidewalks and everything?  We didn't... and before we knew how muddy it would be to try and cut through, we were ankle deep in it.

Safe and mud-covered at Birdsong, met The Pie and Boppit there... she leaves with a growler and my puppy.  Beer and then on to The Spoke Easy...

Don't ask me specifically how, but I end up off the back of the group and then turnt around and then essentially lost.  I miss the turn on the greenway, forget that Hawthorne is closed, try to cut through the neighborhood, not wanna take my phone out to navigate because rain...

Dammit.

Eventually, I'm unlost and probably a half hour behind the group.  Bill Nye suggests we now eat something, I go for my credit card... doh.  I left it at Birdsong.  Wolf down my food, ride all the way back to Birdsong, get my card, ride back to Spoke...

And I don't know at what time we leave, but we do.  Stop in Freedom Park to take a break... hit Lucky Lou's to catch the karaoke folk.  It was much excite.

And I think that's that.  Much less debauchery than in previous years, but I got what I wanted out of it.  Home safe and in bed by 12:30, ten hours after it all began, still capable of teaching myself how to install a dishwasher solo in less than four hours without cutting a finger off on Sunday. Buenos.

Humpy Wattsday

Tomorrow... this:

The fourth in a series of annual things to do (but shouldn't be done) in February.  It was never a great idea to begin with, but somehow like that strange lump on the back of your head or your big, crusty toenail you refuse to cut, it stays there in the most possible to ignore manner.  I guess what with the weather we're gonna be getting, what other reason would I have to leave the house this weekend?  Just when I built all that fitness up shart tarck racing, here starts the downward spiral.

At least I get to hang out with Watts.  This will give us the opportunity to pre-plan our plan to fail at PMBAR in a few months time.  Also get to see the faces of Dorothy and Skip and Moe from VA.  Oh, and Bill Nye TSG.  I don't know who's gonna bother coming other than that, but I guess anyone who is randomly in any of the places we visit gets to be a part of the Fappening either as willing participant or horrified witness.

Starting at the Common Market Southend at 2:00PM (earlier if you want to eat a loaf of artisanal bread or something), heading to Rhino Market (thus ending the "market portion" of our beer tour), carousing towards Blue Blaze Brewing and then Birdsong.  After that, audibles may be called, but keeping the goal of hitting The Spoke Easy at least an hour before their supposed "closing time."

FYI: I won a $60 Spoke Easy gift card at the Winter Shart Tarck series, so it's time to see if I can use it on beer.

Last but not least, I can't believe it's gonna be around 70° on Sunday AND THE TRAILS IN CHARLOTTE ARE GOING TO BE A MESS.

I miss mountain biking.  I'm tired of dressing up like a fisherman to go to work every day.  Beers can only be an umbrella for so long... I'm told.

Show up tomorrow or don't.  Buy Watts a beer and/or make fun of his current facial hair growthings.

Or ask him about his recent trip to Israel and whether or not he prefers his camels with one hump or two  Spoiler alert, it's two.  Not because of anything sexual, he just likes to think that humps like company.

Meatless meat is not

Shart tarck over.  Now what?

photo cred: Supercycling

I guess it's time to make my bike less shart tarck friendly and more mountain bike capable.  The 2.25/2.1 tire combo goes back in the closet until mebbe I garvel this year.

Rekon 2.25 120TPI 3C MAXX SPEED/EXO/TR in the rear for most things I'll ever do. I've got an Aspen for less technical chunk gnar, but these will see 95%+ of the riding and making of great bike race in '19.

Rekon 2.6 120TPI MAXX TERRA/EXO/TR in the front for when it's dry. I had a flat in some super chunky gnar at the Giro d'Ville last year on this same tire, and after that, I stepped down to the 60TPI version. Heavier and more durable, but giving up that extra MAXX TERRA traction. Since there were so many people fixing flats on the same descent that day, I'm gonna go ahead and give it another try.  I shouldn't write a tire off so easily.  I had so little time on in the first go around, and I'm trusting the advice of people I consider smarter/more experienced than I.

Forekaster 2.6 120TPI 3C MAXX SPEED/EXO/TR. I had to get another one of these, as I don't wanna find myself without one in the future. Such a good tire when conditions merit the extra knobbiness.

So pretty much a tire swap, taking off the race number, and finally strapping the tube and CO2 back on the bike.  I don't shart tarck with extra weight (other than my clothespin), but I don't ride anywhere without my flat fixing stuff... except the other day when I rode away from the house and was all the way across town riding trail before I remembered that my bike was still in shart tarck mode.  Doh.

One other thing that's not important at all.  A few people noticed my GORE shorts that I wore at shart tarck (and elsewhere) the past couple weeks.  More to the point, it was comments like "Aren't those the same shorts that you already own in blue?"

"Yeth."

My GORE C5 All Mountain shorts have become my favorite go-to baggies.  I was originally stoked on the Enduro Blue™, but in an ironic manner.  I figured I'd wear them mostly whilst riding a fully turgid single speed.  Problem being, I liked them so much, I was wearing them all the time.  Just as with an ironic mustache, the long term result of it overstaying its welcome is that it is no longer ironic.  It's just a mustache.

My Enduro Blue™ shorts had become just a blue mustache.

On top of all that, I've found that the more I really dig something, the more likely it is to be discontinued when I finally getting around to replacing it.  I didn't wanna end up in that scenario, so I threw money at the problem and ordered another pair, in a very non-ironic mustache colorway.

Baggy enough to be called baggies but not baggie saggy and with plenty of ventilation and loads of ass splash protection.

Also... clothespin.

Winter Shart Tarck: Fin

Wake up Sunday, yoink the dishwasher outta the kitchen, toss it on the back porch... clean up the mouse doodoo left behind (ewww).  Legs still sore, finger still Popsicle sticked, weather outside looking dismal.  Not the way I wanted the last shart tarck race to go, but I get ready anyhow.  Remove the wood bits from my finger so I can fit my hand in a glove, put on all the clothes, ride over to the park.

Find the refreshments, allow myself one before the race... because... burrito.  Nothing really matters.  I only need to finish somewhere in the middle of the pack to hold onto my third place overall in the series.  No reason to make myself hurt or get more hurtier.

Line up at the front of the line with four guys that have bested me at one point or another (or almost the entire series), declare my intention to have no intentions... and go.

I'm into the woods in sixth place.  Fine with me.  I could sit here all day long.

Out of the woods, turn it up a bit on the gravel, and I move into second... and then slide back into fifth.  Mobley, Deese, Cardozo, and Dan all within reach.  I wish they would just leave me alone.  Let me suffer in peace with no hopes of doing anything spectacular.  I move up into fourth place and almost loose my shit in a sweeping gravel-strewn left turn.  If I fall to the wrong side and open my finger up again, I will not be amused.  Dial it back a notch.

photo cred: Mills

Somehow (I'm not really sure exactly) I get around Cardozo.  I'm sitting in third with Mobley and Deese still just ahead of me at a distance I should be able to close, but also convinced that they'd open up all sorts of cans of whoop ass on me if I do.  Look over my shoulder, check the gap back... it's enough that I can throttle down a little but not too much.

I give it a little on the second to last lap, keep my gap where it needs to be, witness Mobley orchestrate his death blow to Deese... I'm stoked that I didn't get caught up in it.

Finish third on the day, and fittingly third overall.

I'm gonna miss having shart tarck Sundays.  It was a blast this year.  My results were all over the place (4th, 2nd, 5th, 4th, and 3rd), but with poor tire/gear selection in the first race and then being sick in the middle of it, I'm all right with that.   Hopefully, I can build on whatever fitness I laid down over the past five weeks and not let it go to waste.

Time to heal up, install a new dishwasher, and prepare for the Fappening next weekend.