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Tuesday, December 27

If I had a hammer, I'd hammer out an incoherent blerhg in the morning

Three day Christmas weekend.  As one who doesn't choose to travel for the holidays, the best thing I usually do with all this spare time on my hands is ride my bike and clean out the gutters.  That said, I didn't like the idea of crawling around on my roof when it's in the teens outside, and I'm doing (almost) everything I can do to respect my health and get over the remaining symptoms from my cold.

Not much riding outdoors, but some of this mebbe:

For better or worse, that's my setup.  Some shelf/stand thing my neighbors had thrown out.  The TV that was previously relegated to our bedroom that doesn't power on with the remote anymore.  Two end tables that The Pie financed from Value City Furniture back in 1991 stacked on top of each other.  The Lasko fan I bought to replace my stalwart, decades old air mover that died at this past year's Trans-Sylvania Epic.  Last but not least, the Elite Direto XR-T smart trainer that found its way to me last year but never saw much use until now. 

So yeah, not riding outside and hurting my lungs in the cold, dry air... but I can totally sit in my house at 64° and use some of the large amounts of free time I'm fortunate enough to have doing something to make myself a better/fitter human person.  I'd told myself that I'd only Zwift for thirty to forty minutes of intervals a coupla/few nights a week, but desperate times call for even more desperate measures.

I'm not much of a planner when it comes to these things.  Group ride?  Sure.  Who the hell are these people?  Why am I getting "thumbs up" things for not doing anything necessarily spectacular?  Why are they chatting like they know each other?  Should I even be here (in a virtual sense)?  Why did I even jump in a group ride if I hardly even rode with anyone, or when I did, I felt like I just walked up to two guys having a conversation in a bar and just stood there staring at them... with a booger in my nose?

Either way, almost an hour and a half, and I didn't wake up coughing that night from the effort... so worth it?

Next day, some ride I member Dahn mentioning when I asked him about things to do that hurt... which I thought I'd never do because it can't be done (by a casual athlete) in under forty minutes, Alpe de Zwift on the Road to Sky.

I knew it was a "long climb," so I started at a reserved pace and slowly increased my watts and stuff with each switchback.  I enjoyed the undulations and the need to shift and stand up because the bike... well, because that's how smart trainers work.

I'm an idiot tho in some respects.  As an outdoor cyclist, I can't imagine climbing almost 3,500 feet without enjoying the ride back down the mountain.  I don't even know what that means when you're TV cycling, but I did it anyways.  And... to be as stupid as possible, I tore myself apart trying to go over fifty miles an hour on the way back down.

And failed.

But somehow along the way of doing downhill intervals tryna break fifty miles an hour when I shoulda been cooling down after climbing for over an hour, I hit over six hundred watts.

I do not know if that is bad or good for a many four apples tall that is getting over a cold.  I still don't know what my FTP truly is, and I only have a limited grasp on what that would mean if I did know or what I could do with that information if I take the time and make the effort to acquire it.

What I do know is that I got over three hours of pedaling in over two days, and that woulda been no hours if I didn't have this setup and had I stuck to my commitment to NOT ride outside recreationally in the name of getting my health back to where it should be.  I'm actually amazed at what a distraction Zwift can be when compared to riding the dumb trainer that I bought for The Pie whilst watching movies (I did that... once).  I honestly don't think I ever woulda spent $500+ on a smart trainer because I never woulda thought it could be somewhat engaging (with minimal effort spent setting it up and learning how to sorta use it).  

Three or so hours wasn't close to the amount of time I had on my hands this weekend, so obvs there was some visiting with the few members of my family that live in Charlotte.

Boppit was either hiding from company in the corner of my bike room with his eyes closed thinking that meant they can't see him (I've tried this), or he was concerned that I walked away from the halfway rebuilt garvel drooper on my bench.

I mean, the intention is to actually ride the garvel bike OUTSIDE when I can or have to because the trails are closed.

With so much time to kill, I was super stressed when I woke up Saturday morning with the power out at 7:00AM, as I'd planned on sonic cleansing all the things I could.  Yeth, it's kind of a privileged place to be in a tiny house with a gas fireplace and water heater, so the biggest inconveniences of a power outage is no internet, TV, Zwift, or sonic cleaners.  We are blessed.

I continued to avoid the gutter cleansing and instead stayed inside and organized the two junk drawers (do we need this five+ year expired Costco card?), tossed out decades old spices we're never going to use, cleaned under the fridge and stove (my grandpa would be proud that I finally used the ramrod from the muzzle loader he built for me), and straightened up the coozie drawer.

Anyways, I bailed kinda last minute (hour?) on riding outside with dem bois on a Sad Dad­­™ on Monday because... *

I've only called in sick as a bike messenger once in my life, and that's because I passed out tryna get ready to ride 13 miles to work in November '96 with a flu.  I did have to call out for Covid because "rules," and respect for other's health, but I digress.  My point being that I let pride make my decisions, and I've done all manner of things whilst sick that only served to make me sicker.  Winter camping, New Year's Day ride down Heartbreak Ridge in the snow, not skipping a Winter Shart Tarck race, etc.  The list goes on.  

Despite wanting to ride outside if even for just the sake of my mental health, there's something to acknowledging that it's linked to physical health as well.  My job and lack of desire to ever drive to work give me plenty of chances to be "hard," so whatever to bundling up and freezing my dick off for IG points.  I'm back on the bike, commuting and working four days this week (and back and forth to trivia night), so I'll get plenty of outdoor time soon enough... and hope to make the most of the next three day weekend by being outside as much as possible (to include quite possibly hunching around on my roof cleaning gutters FML).

I ended up doing a short (1+ hour) race, and despite being totally honest about my abilities regarding how many watts per kilo I thought I'd average, I got my doors completely blown off.  It didn't help when my old PC shut down because for some reason I changed the battery saving mode to "fuck all."  It started with me getting dropped from the main field, hanging with the next group of mid-packers for as long as I could before chasing a break, exploding, falling completely off, riding alone, dropping back to the next pack, losing power on my PC, and then finishing alone.  Such fun.  Just like real racing.

Wednesday, December 21

Spinning wheels, but in the literary not physical sense but also

Last week was supposed to be lived La Vida Bachelor style. I had what I'd call "high aspirations."  I was gonna still be constrained with the doggy daycare drop off/pick up around my 9-5, but the evenings would be mine to do things I deemed worthy.  

I started into it from a weekend with some good rides stacked up, but something felt a little off with each effort.  Monday morning it was apparent that I was sick.  Not flu sick, not Covid sick, not RSV sick, not Ebola sick... just the sick that we used to randomly afflict us before March 2020.  You know, the kind that if you don't run yourself down too much, you might get over it in a week or so.

Work was stressful every fucking day.  I spent all that time Monday night getting the gravel bike ready for trainer duty, and ended up not getting on it one single time.  I wasted a small portion of my life making the Stickel into a geared bar bike, rode it, hated it, and it's now back to being a single speed.

I went from so wanting to Zwift my face off at least three times to leaving for my commute early so I could ride as slow as possible and keep my lungs happy (whilst breathing through a cloth neck tube).  Beers sorta to a minimum, sleep needs respected, random medicines from the cupboard ingested in a shotgun approach.

I was just feeling like I was on a roll a couple weeks ago with something close to "training," and... sigh.  Guess I'll start over.  Again.

The Pie came home on Friday, and we stayed up late and shared tales of our week apart... and then despite knowing better, I went to the Ales and Trails 6th Anniversary Party on Saturday

I'd "promised" to defend Sean and mines relay race title from '21.  As soon as we locked eyes at Brawley's Beverage, I told him I'd had a cold all week, so I'd be alright with stepping aside so he could seek glory with a proxy.

"I had a flu all week and was going to say the same."

So two sick, sad boys decided to join forces.  Sean managed to get us into a good enough position on his loop that I was guilted into trying, and once we again we barely took the win.

Head over to the Tech Loop for a time trial, and I'm still hacking up a lung from the previous effort.  I was thinking I'd just attempt to defend our relay title, and make that my only effort of the day... but I miss riding my bike in the woods, so...

I "try."

Again.
I absolutely love this stupid move on the Tech Loop, and had I not spent years and years riding it as it has degraded into the state that it sits in now, I don't know that I'd be all about trying it.  It's awkward and stupid and made out of garbage and falling apart... so it's an appropriate feature in this neck of the woods.

I did run up the stupid techy rocky loose shitty climb in front of an audibly disapproving audience, but being that I'd failed at my last forty or fifty attempts trying to get up it cleanly in the past (while sustaining more than one injury), I knew what to do.

I won regardless of trampling people's feels.

A very unfair image of my relay partner on the Tech Loop.  I'm sure he's sailed this thing AWOL style dozens of times, yet this is the only proof I can find of his existence near a bike from Saturday.

Ales and Trails has the best prizes...


Surprise, it's beer...

and more beer (further evidence of Sean's existence in the background with his winner's flu medicine).

After a few yummy Birdsong Higher Ground pints (my fave local brew), it was home, bubble water, bed... and back to waking up coughing because I did a dumb thing.

Sunday was the second saddest of the Sad Dad™ rides, the north greenway and beer at The Spoke Easy on the way home.

I'm solidly back in the world of random coughing.  So begins another week of wait-and-see before I can commence with the Zwifting of things.  I plan on eventually writing about that after I do more of that, because as of right now, everything I know could fit in my belly button and leave enough room for an elephant to run around in it.

Attempting to develop any routine during the holiday season should be illegal to discourage people from even trying.

Wednesday, December 14

Gravel Dad Lord Life

Good lorb, life has been... full... of... stuff and things?

Pictures loaded in no order whatsoever, because that's becoming a theme.

That boring, big brand, plastic, soulless bike has been acquired and is slowly being adapted to Dick-life.  There were many moving pieces to this puzzle, and they're still in motion.  Above, I'm rooting a cable to a drooper (that as of yet has no actuator) because I'm installing a bottom bracket I didn't know I'd need and since my hole was accessible during the process and I should be fiddling with the fit of the bike with a post with no offset as opposed to the stock crabon post with 20mm offset... as if I know how to "fit" a noodle bar bike.

These things bother me.  Ewwwwwww.  They had a purpose.  They do not now.  It would cost money to make them go away.  This bike is a money pit.

I went on my first ride on a bike that coasts without a drooper post since that terrifying day at the Tour de Burg many years ago when I jumped aboard a 49cm Cannondale cross bike with V-brakes.  I'm not a fan.  I like drooper posts, and I cannot lie.  They make bikes better.

Over the entire weekend, I got in one proper fifty five mile garvel ride, a ten mile round trip to a shop party, and a proper in-town Sad Dad™ with beers and such.  I'm liking the bike... I think.  I mean, I don't hate it, and it's closer to doing the job that I want it to do than the Rodeo Labs was.  I fell over once, but that wasn't the bike's fault.  I rode so much my legs were moosh on Monday.

Going out with The Pie the night before the biggest of the rides was only part of my downfall.

This is the bike I won in a raffle where I was hoping to win a $10,000 bike.  This is not a $10,000 bike, but by selling it, I have more doll hairs to throw in the money pit.  Whole lotta robbing Peter to pay Paul going on lately.  I'm still sitting on one wheelset (soon to be two), tires, rotors, seat post, saddle, flat mount brakes with flat bar levers... all of which I'll need to unload at some point.. to make the money pit shallower.

Another piece of the puzzle.  Decommissioning the Flaanimal and the XTR levers move back to the bar bike Stickel, and then getting the Stickel off the trainer and converting the trainer to work with the Crux... because I figure a couple short stationary rides a week will help me get used to noodle-barring again.  Will be nice to have my flat pedal bar bike back and now with gears?*  I currently own an equal amount of bikes with multiple gears and bikes with one gear.

What has this world come to?  I went from one bike with gears (that was also sometimes a single speed) to three in about a week.

This is where I'd prefer to ride my garvel bike, as opposed to staring at a TV screen watching cartoon people.  I'll have more to say about my Zwifting experience at some point, I promise.  I will say having a geared bike on garvel and pavè is much buenos.  Shifting gears makes it easier to ride with frands, as opposed to them waiting for me because I fell off the back or waiting for them because my stupid bike only climbs at one speed.

I've been a basket case trying to squeak in working on bikes whenever I get a chance.  When I'm not wrenching, I'm visualizing which order to do what swaps to keep the fewest bikes non-operable at once or reaching the limits of my attention span and dropping a hundred piece cassette on the floor, losing track of where the big nubbin on each cog is.  As of Monday night, I'm either a half hour from success or three days... give or take.

Here's hoping for good weather this weekend for more trail riding and less garvel/Sad Dad™/cartoon riding.

No.  Rode it to trivia last night and mebbe Eagle isn't the best option for the streets of Charlotte.

Tuesday, December 6

Not long for my world

It's time to say goodbye...

After two years and one month, I've decided to let the Rodeo Labs Flaanimal 5.0 go.  I have what I'll loosely call "reasons."  This bike really got me through a lot of the Covid down time, back when I had every other week off until the July '21 post-pandemic reboot.  It went through many configurations before being made into a flat bar single speed... to end up being not much different than the Stickle grocery getter/bar bike was at the time.  Fifty something rides and @1,600 miles later, I've come to some conclusions.  BTW, I'm not smart enough to tag which bike did which ride when on an app, and it took about fifteen minutes of scrolling and scribbling to get those stats added up.

Conclusions:

I like having a skinny tired bike in my world that has brakes, can coast, and has a holders de biden.  It certainly makes tooling around for extended periods of time more tolerable.  I used to do mega-rides on my Tarck bike (aka The Fastest Bike in the World), but I'm mostly over that.  I get thirsty and not every ride needs to be torture.

The Flaanimal is a purpose-built beast IMHOMO, whilst Rodeo Labs has this to say about:

"Flaanimal is meant to be built and ridden in any way that its rider imagines. It can be blisteringly fast on pavement on skinny slicks. It can be smooth, efficient, and competitive on gravel. With it’s win at the 2021 Tour Divide as piloted by Jay Petervary, Flaanimal has added bikepacking racing to it’s list of proven accomplishments."

In other words, it's a jack of all trades, perhaps master of none.  It truly is an excellent platform for adventure, yet I've never had it further away from Charlotte than an hour's drive.  All the places to attach things to the frame and Spork™ are occupied with bolts that have never seen a load.  I'm probably just not the guy who's going to use this bike to its potential, but I feel like there's gotta be something out there that's better suited to what I'd wanna do with a skinny tired bike.

And I'm pretty sure I found it.

Yeth, it's a boring, big brand, soulless, plastic bike, but it does have classic lines that won't look stupid in five years, and a colorway that doesn't offend the eye.  It will be super great for 95% of the riding I do on such a bike.  I'll never strap suitcases, sleeping bags, or fly rods to it.  Doubtful a number plate will end up on the handlebars.  I can see myself riding it for the next five or ten years... mebbe more.

It was a hell of an adventure.  From winning the raffle during the shutdown of March '20, to just passing through Denver months and months later in October the day after it was built to scoop it up.

I'll s-l-o-w-l-y begin the disassemble later this week.  I'm still in bar bike limbo with my Stickel bolted to the trainer, and I'm 99% certain nobody is going to want to buy this bike as it sits  Someone is going to get a really good deal on a $1,550 frame (with a $400 Cerakote finish) as well as a bunch of useful parts (stem/noodle bars/headset/bottom bracket/geared and SS slider/brake calipers(?)/seat collar/wheels of one sort or another) to build up an adventure machine, and I'm going to have some dollars to go towards an investment in my health and happiness... because according to all those rides I just looked at on STRAVA, trail closures season is upon us.

Based on my track record, I think it speaks volumes that I kept this bike for over two years.  Pretty sure everyone knows that I've made some regrettable purchases or won a bike (in some manner) that didn't mesh with my world only to be unloaded with undue haste and extreme prejudice (47 days?).  Well, it says a lot to me... and I'm the one paying for the new bike, so your opinion is moo.

I like bikes.  You like bikes.  Mebbe we could be frands?  Mebbe not.