Putting the "derp" in "derp de derp"

Repetitive shite weekends in a row require a creative and/or anal compulsive state of mind to kill the hours of the day if you're not a ball sport fan.  I had a few things on my list that were important, unimportant, and totally pointless to accomplish.  

I don't really like a stack of spacers above the stem, but I can understand why having some could be beneficial.

Okay, my PMBAR purse attachment and fork resale value when selling used but in awesome condition  squish items to people taller than four apples being all the reasons I can think of.

Anyways, 16mm is too much, 10mm is acceptable, so chop 7mm (because I was off by a millimeter previously) and breathe again.

Two things of note.  Preloading the bearings with the SWAT tool while lining up the do-dad at the bottom of the fork crown (according to instructions) by turning the 5mm Allen while keeping the top of the tool oriented to anal specifications while lining up the skull on the spacer with the ENVE logo on the stem while not mis-aligning the Cane Creek lizard on the bearing cover was as much of a task as it was writing this sentence (half the difficulty of reading this sentence).  I realize I'm the only one who's going to notice, but who else matters?

The other thing being I can't run my perple drank Industry 9 stem because it's too wide to comply to another standard of vain obsession.

The Topeak (no longer a Dick Supporter) UTF Multi-Mount with the So Pro Cycling (never a Dick Supporter) Out Front Mount number plate jaboingerboi (seen here on the Vertigo Meatplow V.7)  Used together, they keep the number plate WAY off the cables and what not.  I'll be "racing" more on my Optimus Meatplow V.10 than any other bike, so it just had to happen.

Speaking of spacers, I organized all my random circles.

Based on I.D. and general shapes and sizes, I'm left with these:

I have no clue what these do or used to do.  They might be for a car.

I don't always have to look for a good activity.  Sometimes, they find me.  I live in a seventy plus year old house, which means seventy plus years of half-assed handiwork done by Mr and Mrs Fix It.  I can't say I would do any better, but layers upon layers or ineptitude can add up.  It's like unraveling a mystery trying to figure out what happened or why.  I spent a decent amount of time up in my attic above the bathroom trying to figure out why a part of my ceiling is soft, another lumpy, and some just not acting right at all.

After some poking and prodding and shoving around the what is surely cancer causing insulation, I got nothing... except mebbe cancer.

And...

I went on a quest looking for ENVE brake mounting hardware for Dr Mike's turgid fork that he bought used for Winter Shart Tarck.  I started by looking in the usual places (two to three times in the same places), before resorting to the unusual places.  Mebbe I tossed them in the original packaging box... which for sure isn't in the attic because I spent the better part of the day before spelunking around up there.

Mebbe the finished crawlspace/Murder Room?

*sigh*

Amongst the power tools I'm storing for Bill Nye?  Over here by mom's old wheelchair?  Stacked up in the corner with the needs-to-go-to-the-curb car tires and wheels that I'm too lazy to drag away?

Of course not.   I was about to give up when I leaned on the cinder block support under the front of my house... and it moved.  Like, a lot.

*warm happy feelings*

Some time back when we first bought our small abode, I was concerned about a growing crack in the pointless bump out at the front of our place.  We ended up sinking (literally) an amount of money into the ground that coulda bought a very nice crabon squish bike that I coulda sold for a considerable loss a year later.  Anyways, after a few more years of ownership, I've noticed that while the crack in front of the house expanded, another one shrunk.  The weather gets cold and... they swap their roles.

Money well spent?

Anyhoo, the immediate problem.  The first fix was just tossing the wheels against it so it wouldn't fall over in the middle of the night and make me think our house is being raided by a soon to be non-woke FBI looking to confiscate my old Dirt Rag Magazines.  Then I spent some time with a mini-sledge and some well-directed anger and banged the 2X6 back into the gap... wondering if any of it matters... because the two steel jacks that are in place (that are probably worth 1/5 a very nice crabon squish bike) are holding everything in place.  The fix is more level than it looks but nothing in my house is level or square, so whatevs.  The house wasn't falling down when there was a two inch gap between the blocks and my floor, so it ain't falling now (mebbe).

So yeah.

Winter Shart Tarck starts this weekend, so I can waste my time figuring out what to wear (and then have to hose off later), cleaning the mud off my bike, swapping brake pads, etc.

Certainly and most assuredly, my joie de vivre is coming like death, taxes, and a little bit of Day One Dictatorship.

Downgrade

It's like the chaotic ending of 2024 never happened.  Work has slowed down dramatically.  The feeling of being underwater has been replaced by the strange warm teddy bear hug of not always being in a hurry to be in a hurry.

Can't remember the last time I took a FedEx tube anywhere.  Guess I'm still useful for something.

My biggest "gift" to myself over the "holidays" is usually limited to cleaning gutters and mulching leaves... and drinking beer and staring out my living room window at the darkness.

I'm starting to think I'm getting too old to climb around on top of my house.  If I could be a Creed distance from falling to my death, I'd probably be okay, but six inches ≠ six feet.  I didn't get it done in my normal holiday timeline because I spent some of the moments I expected to be on my roof out in the woods scratching at the earth with tools instead.

Of note, Santana did the heavy work on this while I stood by and applauded his efforts.  I've now spent an equal amount of days working on trails as I have riding trails in 2025.  The same exact trails.  My world is too small right now.  Also of note, I've spent more hours working on trails than riding them so far in 2025.  Dammit.

So, I ended up being sore from gargoyling my way around the roof and swinging tools towards the earth and at various vegetations that were in my way.  All the while, I wanted to be doing this (but not really):

Not "this" necessarily, but this was part of it.

I bought a new (to me) used set of XTR 9020 brakes to replace the 9120 brakes that were on the Optimus Meatplow V.10.  Why go backwards?

Is it because I just love hassle?

No.

As stupid as it sounds, I want my three almost redundant single speeds to be as similar as possible (thus increasing redundancy).  ESI grips, 780mm bars, Ergon saddles, TruckerCo organic semi-metallic pads, 32 tooth chain rings, Industry Nine crabon wheels that are wide but not too wide, XTR pedals, XTR brakes...

I'd found the 9120 brakes used on some marketplace at a screaming deal and went for it back when I first got the Epic EVO.  That part of me that was stoked on having the same pads on hand for all the bikes was defeated by the part of me that wanted something shiny and new for my pretty squishy bike.  I ended up creating a list of problems that could not be defeated by the ownership of something "updated" and supposedly "better."

Due to the two contact points on the bars, I couldn't get my PNW drooper lever in the same spot as the other two bikes.  Same goes for my Spurcycle bell.  Probably more importantly, they just didn't have the same brake feel as the other bikes set up with 9020s. 

Oh, and this is a big deal (to me).  The newer 9120s did away with the, for lack of a better term, "fragile" carbon lever.  I enjoyed this breakaway feature twice, and it's no buenos.  They started using aluminum lever blades on the latest/greatest, and I probably woulda never noticed until I went on a 20° ride with the 9120s.  I could feel the metal lever pulling heat from my tiny old man braking fingers, and it hurted something wicked.  North Carolina is an all-season riding state, and I don't wanna pick which redundant single speed to ride based on temps and lever material.

So I bought a set of used 9020s at a price that hurt a little bit, but much less than buying two new sets of 9120s.  

I wish I coulda found some NOS brakes instead of buying used.  This was my first not-so-great experience buying used brakes.  Mebbe I shoulda asked more questions.  Mebbe I coulda requested more pictures.  The two pad axles (pins?) were mismatched and too short to use the snap retainer (they were from road brakes).  The hydro lines had some major kinks in them, but I do have a way to sort that out:
  

Patience and time... like watching grass grow... except I don't have to mow it eventually.

Two trips to the shop later...

One trip on my way home to pick through drawers to find barbs and olives.  A second trip the next morning after I saw the brakes when I got home and noticed the shite pad axles.  I took the time to push the pistons out one by one and Q-tip them with alcohol vigorously.  Pitched the Shimano pads, replaced them with TruckereCo, and gave them a VERY thorough bleed.  Took my time getting them mounted up and trimmed just so, and what do you know?

I like all my children the same.  Again.

So obvs, I'll be selling a set of very nice, current model XTR brakes... that I was tempted to steal the pad axles from, but didn't.  That have a fresh bleed.  That have five extra pairs of still-in-the-packaging TruckerCo pads.  That are relatively kink-free.  That I would take close up pictures of before posting up.  That have been blessed by The Pope.  That are the best looking brake ever... according to my dog.

Clean rooting.

Now, to lose seven pounds and gain three months worth of fitness in the one and a half weeks before the Winter Shart Tarck Series starts.  It's definitely not enough time to grow an ironic single speed mustache... especially after I accidentally shaved off five day's worth of growth Monday night (dammit).

Best laid plans and all...

So looking forward to that moment at 11:29AM on January 19th, 2025 when I will assuredly think to myself, "what the hell am I even doing out here?"

Putting 2024 in the rear view mirror

Wrapping up 2024.

It was not a stellar year, but it wasn't all trbl.  There were certainly a fair number of personal struggles that put cycling on the backburner at times.  

I didn't do one stage race all year long.  That's a first since I did La Ruta de los Conquistadores back in 2004.  I'm gonna have to fix that in 2025.  I definitely had the fewest days with a number plate on the front of my bike since prolly 2003.  Distractions were many, then Helene put an abrupt end to things, and I've been living in Zones 2-4 ever since.  I'm sure that lack of intensity is gonna halp come Winter Shart Tarck in a month.

I haven't ridden a geared mountain bike in over a year.  I don't miss it.  I have no idea when I will.  That said, my noodle bar shifty bike got 767* miles put on it in 2024, and if you take away the 108 miles of the Bootlegger, that leaves 659 miles of just Sad Dadding, under-biking, and actual "gravel" riding aboot... probably when the trails were closed and I was left with few options.  

I never took the top step on any podiums in '24... not that it says anything about anything.  I just noticed when I clicked over to my results page.  I don't feel any different about myself having that knowledge, in the same way I forget when I actually make it up there.

Early in the year, I mentally built my dream single speed, wrote the whole idea off as ludicrous and a waste of money, and then ended up YOLO'ing the clams into the Biden economy (it needed halp).  I have zero regrets on that decision.  I love this bike, and it's gonna be racking up the majority of my dirt miles in 2025. 

This thing has me swooning over the idea of doing the Breck Epic on a worthy machine as opposed to torturing myself as per the usual.  I mean... what if those descents are actually as much "fun" as they say?  I wished I woulda gushed about this bike more when I wrote about it two months ago, but I was still dialing it in fit-wise.  Pretty sure the 20mm rise bar put me in my happy place.  Also... I was running a finally worn all the way out cog that I could just feel in the drive train since I built it up.  I swapped it out on Christmas day, and I was given the present of free speed.

2024 is definitely one of those years that I'd like to put behind me and start the new year fresh.  Me and the Meatplow V.10 are gonna have a good lap around the sun together.

* I wrote that a week ago.  Thanks to a weekend of rain (and decent rain gear), that number is higher... because I couldn't bring myself to do this:

I haven't re-upped my Zwift account since February 2023.  I set everything up, Zwift was working... but I feel like it's a trap.  Like they are letting me back in for free just long enough to be disappointed when they shut it down mid-ride and mebbe pay up.  I turned it all off, put the wheel back on, layered up, and rode outside (after checking my credit card to make sure it wasn't surreptitiously charged).  Wet, cold, and muddy was better than being an exercise robot.  It just has to be.

Ready not ready for a new year.

You have perfectly good trail at home.

We bought our house for a multitude of reasons to include the school system for our then 17 year old kid, it's delightfully tiny size, getting away from a greedy landlord, and proximity to a greenway for The Pie and a trail for me.  The Backyard Trails are some of the oldest, least flowy, most technical, def shitty ones around.  I can say that fairly (I think) because I've done more trail work here than anywhere else in Charlotte that I've stuck a tool in dirt.  It's probably seen the majority of my miles, not like a landslide majority, but more like what our incoming presidential administration would call a majority that gives the BYT a "mandate."

I've ridden there a lot lately, an almost mind numbing amount of time.  Mostly because I've done a fair amount of solo rides recently, and my desire to get into a car by myself to do a "hobby" on "just another all to familiar trail" is low.  There's been a few Dr Mike rides and a Tarheel Trailblazer Social Ride, but mostly it's just been me and my shadow.

Being out there by myself so much has given me a different perspective.  I've felt less time-crunched the last couple months, so I find myself pausing to look at different lines as opposed to just ripping laps in the name of fitness.  Not being in a hurry or feeling like I'm affecting someone's happiness by titty-dicking aboot, I've leaned my bike against a tree multiple times and looked at some of the more technical sections I've ridden for years from every angle I can think of.

Like so many other parts of the BYT, anyone from the outside would look at a picture of it and think "Am I looking at part of a trail?"

This stupid corner is on the Farmbrook Loop.  You know it's coming up because you just dipped down into the ditch reinforced with the erosion-control orange milk crate and you're about to make a pancake flat, zero momentum 45° turn into a three to four foot up of rooty mess of a hairpin.  I've always taken the same outside line because it's what I always did... because it works... but I thought "what if?"

I've been doing that a lot lately.  On some occasions, I've found some better lines.  I've also discovered a lot worse choices.  Way worse.  Like, "what the fuck was I thinking?" worse.

I was having such a good day on Sunday that I decided to go ahead and ride over to the Tech Loop to make a few attempts at a much contentious (amongst us locals) bit of trail.  I was there when this tiny non-consequential climb was built.  I know what it looked like originally.  In the past, the trail coordinator (although Hubbs would never want a formal title as such) would replace the washed away dirt occasionally, being that bit of trail was just a ditch for water to drain down, with no real option to redirect the erosion issue from above.  He's moved on to other things, so without his help, this section of trail has just gone to shit... or become "more technical" depending on your perspective.

In the past, I've lobbied for a legitimate go-around to be created, if for no other reason than to keep a "concerned citizen" from removing the large rocks in an effort to make things better ITHO.  We've seen it happen a billionty times in the past, so it's just a matter of time IMHO.  The idea of an alternate line was met with a fair amount resistance.  One was scratched in, blocked, dug back out, and blocked even more enthusiastically.  Another one popped out that cut out much less of the trail, and it has remained ever since... but with an equal amount of resistance to the idea that it should exist.  To me, it was an amicable solution that had zero drawbacks on a two mile trail with probably six to eight other technical features with well established alternates.

So with the challenge still there and probably close to a hundred personal failed attempts over the last decade plus with two resulting in injury, I decided to give it a go with a more deep dive analysis, breaking it down into three to four separate problems to be solved.

I got stuck on the final crux move multiple times, stymied by the ledge rock before it, or just lost traction anywhere along the way on the smaller loose rocks.  After I have no idea how many attempts, I finally made it.  It was honestly the happiest moment I'd had on a bike in a very long time.  I threw my bike down and let out a barbaric yawp.  

"Fuck you, trail!"

While the stoke was still present, and the knowledge fresh in my head, I went back down and did it again.

I tried to position my phone to take a video, but it was quickly obvious that no angle would catch it from a static, propped in place position.  Poop.  That said, even videos taken by observers flatten the whole thing into a nothing burger that can only be interpreted as difficult by someone who has been there/done that (but more than likely not done that).

I went for it one more time anyways... and proceed to ram my right foot into the boulder at the top.

That'll do, pig.

We argue about shit trails scratched on the earth in garbage woods... or the other way around since we're building trails on the old poop plant property.  Being one of the oldest trails in Charlotte (if you count its many years of existing in a pirate status), it's had many, many, many generals and captains.  Few of the old guard remain, then there's the Gen Xers and Millennials in between them and the new generation of riders... a now a huge influx of yutes.  We're all not gonna agree, but if we spend half the time that we spend arguing about the trail actually working on it, I think we're going to be okay.*

Also, here's to slowing down and smelling to roses... or smelling the trails made outta poop dirt.

Happy holidays, you shit birds.

* I wish I woulda stopped at two** particular sections of trail (downhill'ish?) that have suffered from so much trail creep over the decades from people avoiding roots and rocks that you have about 10-15" of "trail" to choose from... and nobody ever pinched it down... but let's argue about go arounds.

** Deep local stuff, but... last super lower bit on Middle Third before the up and right hand rooty bit (on your way back up towards the Bumble Bee Jumps) and the wide, choose your own root adventure almost at the end of Farmbrook.

Handle Pipes and Knee Tubes

I whined (again) about the lack of decent options for knee tubes (okay, "warmers") on Facebook a couple weeks ago.  

I had a list of requirements for what I'll call "reasons" based on wearing knee tubes since the early '90s.  I'm guessing I've gone through dozens of pairs being a mountain biker, commuter, and bike messenger over the years.  My requirements are simple:

* One seam, top to bottom.  No ergo bullshit.  A plain and simple tapered tube.
* Stays up (even when I'm wearing boxer briefs as I do for commuting/work).
* Black (aside from subtle logos)
* Fleecy insides.

My desperate plea brought up one decent option from DNA Cycling.  When my frand Dahn suggested them, they were only $20 a pair, so I bought two (pairs not singles, dummy).  A day or two later, they were up to $40 a pair.  I'm wondering if someone saw my order and thought, "shit, they're still at summer prices," and flipped the switch to fall/winter pricing.

It shipped with a branded musette bag.  I'm not a professional road cycle sport athlete, but I do have other needs.  I had to reinforce the straps a bit, but it will suffice to be a packable "way homer" grocery picker upper in the future.

Anyhoo, I got them... and now I need to add to my list of knee tube requirements.

* The inside fleecy bit needs to be black.
* The stitching needs to be strong, AND the thread should be black..
* The seam needs to go up the inside of the leg.

Lemme explain.

I kinda already knew this, but when the fleece is white and your knee is bent, the knee tube is varying shades of black.  No knee tube company shows you pictures of the inside of their knee tubes, because apparently you'd have to be a psycho to want to know that. 

I should know better, but when I pulled them on in the same manner that I did my old Endura knee tubes, I could hear a stitch giving out.  Dammit.  Fortunately, I had my sewing kit at work to reinforce where the seam was stressed.  Noted.  Pull them on and off with more care.  I have a few pairs of bibs that require a delicate touch, so I know the drill.  Oh, and when they are on and stretched out, you can see the white thread of the seam on the outside... so mebbe use black thread?

The seam.  I had a hard time orienting the tubes on my meat sticks.  There was a logo, a seam, and a reflective tab on the seam... and after my second try, I realized the seam needed to go right up the back of my leg.  That means a seam in my knee pit.  Knee pits are the fifth most sensitive area of skin on the body.  Up the inside or nothing.  And mebbe I have them hiked up higher than a normal person(?), but the reflective bit, while a nice touch, isn't gonna be as visible as it could be if it were closer to the bottom.

They are warm.  They do stay up.  The logos... are not very subtle but at least they're white so they don't clash with other bits of kit (or HandUp flannels or AT+ shorts or gloves or whatever).  I'm not saying I know how to dress, and if I did, that I would abide by some Garanimal rules for proper attire, but I do notice things.

Oh, and circling back to my new, too-long titanium handle pipe.  I sliced off 10mm per side (really close anyways), and life if good.

Measure twelve times, cut once... in this case twice.  Then measure again for posterity.

One ride and I was totally in the world of Goldilocks.  780mm is how I like my cockpit porridge.  I can now yoink my bars up and confidently to put my front wheel in the place where I want it to be in slow, technical sections.  Weighting the front tire in the turns feels natural again.  My pinkies feel safe going through the tight trees.  

Ask me again why I don't wanna experiment with crank length?

*sticks head in sand*

Mr Gooderbar

I took my first ever day of paid time off with no plan to do anything for the first time in my life this past Friday.  Originally, I'd left it open in case they needed volunteers at the Old Fort Strong Endurance Festival... which I couldn't commit to as a bike cycle sport "athlete" before it sold out (because life).

I ended up kinda needing an actual day off.  I had a shit Thursday which resulted in me leaving late with a very disturbing feeling in my stomach about some unresolved issues I'd left behind.  All I really wanted to do that night was install my new titanium riser bars which showed up at work earlier that day.

On my ride home (in the dark), I had a few too many not so wonderful interactions with inattentive drivers.  I was first headed to the store to pick up some beer, and while ambling my way to the cooler, I walked past the wine section... with an 800mm handlebar strapped to the bottom of my tiny commuter sack.

CLANK.

Ungghh... that was a close one.  Harbinger of things to come?  We shall see.

So even though I was going to be off all day on Friday with nothing to do and 20°+ temps in the morning, I decided I needed one in the "W" column... so I installed the bars that night.

I took the next day slow and easy... and I also looked at my retirement account balances to see if I could make this situation a more permanent thing.  Knock out some chores, have a nice, non-rushed visit with my mominems, wait for warmer temps and head out for the maiden ride.

Huh.

All told, I ended up with over fifty miles of riding with the new bars this weekend.  I knew before I started the first ride that 800mm was probably too much, but you can only make bars shorter and not the other way around (except those weird ones from Ibis).  Hard to believe that I would be aware of an extra 10mm per side from what I'm used to, but here we are.  I noticed it in the same (but opposite) way as when I tried 760mm bars and hated it.   Can't rightly put my finger on it, but wrong is wrong.  780mm is right, and as soon as I get a fresh hacksaw blade, 780mm they soon shall be.

I did a fair job riding away my job-related frustrations on Friday.  Kinda hard to focus on anything but steering a wider-than-I'm-used-to bar through the narrow gaps between trees at the Backyard Trails.  Banging pinkies into immovable objects in 30° weather teaches you lessons real quick like. 

Obvs, I'm still working to get the fit dialed in 100% on this bike.  It feels good, but I want gooder.  

When I get it all to my liking, I'm guessing I'll be able to jump over a mountain.

I'm tired... like, 3CG/EXO/TR tired

I have been busy.  I swear...

Drinking beer outside is an "outdoor activity," so in many ways, I've been very active.  Sitting indoors with "people" is for people who like being around "other people."

BTW: The Pie is wearing my puffy which she has decided is "her puffy."  I'm happy for her, but less so for me.

I do tend to get most of this thing written at work on my down time, and there's been little of that lately.  I actually woke up early today just to keep the blerhg on life support.  This is the time of year where I feel overwhelmingly underpaid and sometimes unappreciated as an employee.  I honestly have nightmares about work, so I end up working eight hours a day, and then fever sweat dream about work another eight.  In the time between my commute home in the dark and when I lie down in bed to enjoy some good perspirative nightmare rest, I make some marginal progress. 

I bitched about not being able to check sealant levels with my Park Tool TB-1 (Turkey Baster 1) with a tire insert installed, so I decided to take a brand new $60 pool noodle and melt a hole in it with a hot drill bit that's the same O.D. as a valve stem I.D. (or close enough).  I'd since reinforced both sides with Gorilla tape but wasted zero seconds taking pictures of the end ressult.

It was during the process that I was reminded that I have "issues."

I had to line up the Vittoria logo with the valve stem before melting the hole.  No one will ever see it, but deep down in my heart, bowels, and loins, I would know if it wasn't lined up correctly.  No need to start having night terrors about asymmetrical logo alignments.  

Did it work?

Mebbe?

I can understand why tire liner manufacturers don't put a hole in their products at the factory.  Installing these sumbitches can already be an arduous labor of love, so adding the complexity of keeping a tiny hole lined up with the valve stem certainly can add .5 beer's worth of frustration.  I jammed a 3mm (I think) Allen key through the whole mess, and it seemed to work out kinda okay (after dropping it on the shop floor at least a couple times).

Is it gonna stay put or end up sliding just a few millimeters, thus making all my efforts meaningless?

Dunno.

How excite am I that I have my first tire with the Maxx Grip tire compound mounted on the rear of my "Pisgah single speed?"

Very.

I know they wear down faster, but I figure I'm not long for this world, so it's time to live my life like there's no tomorrow.  I'm hoping I don't fall too in love with all the added traction, as Maxxis doesn't offer any of their more XC-oriented tires in Maxx Grip (at least as far as I can figure as I sort through their seven billionty SKUs).  This thing is the closest thing to a tractor tire that I've ever run on my bike ever since I had a Panaracer Spike on my AMP B3, which if I remember correctly was marketed as a "race-only" tire because it would tear the trails up?

Mang, the '90s were so cool.

Anyways, I'll do my best to report back in a couple months when I finally get around to checking sealant levels again