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Wednesday, March 4

I just have to look good, I dont have to be clear



Come and whisper in my ear

Give us dirty laundry

I knew eventually the rest of the memory card would be sold to the highest bidder....

You know, Micheal called me and said "Dude, I won eight gold medals months ago, and we haven't hooked up to celebrate yet".

"Sorry Mike. I know you called me the day after I won the 2006 Solo Single Speed 24 Hour World Championships, and you ended up taking me to Colonial Williamsburg" I replied.

"Well we so gotta do something. I know it's not like I won a World Championship, but they tell me eight gold medals is kind of a big deal." Mike said.

So I took a few days off and headed to Mordechai Stoltfuze's Amish Arts and Crafts Camp with Mike, and we had a blast. Mordechai snapped a few photos of us attending a glass blowing seminar making pencil holders saying they would look good on the website. He was all like "It's not everyday we get a World Champ and a guy who hosted SNL at our arts and crafts camp". The next thing you know the photos all over the interweb being misinterpreted, and Mordechai is having a 5,000 square foot heated barn raising and his buggy is rolling on dubs. Silly Amish, always looking to capitalize on the innocent and ignorant....

In the good media exposure category....

I knew the article would be coming out any day now. When I got my copy of Mountain Bike in the mail I started rifling through it page by page looking for it. After the first rifling I missed the article, so I went through it just a bit slower this time. On page twenty I saw a picture of my good buddy Mark Weir (he's in every magazine I see at least five times... including Forbes). There's also a picture of this up and coming racer Harlan Price (watch this kid, I think he might have what it takes). Scan over to page twenty one and there's a big ad for my wheel sponsor's competitor (like anybody cares), and then onto page twenty two....

There it is, six and a half inches from the top and four inches from the left hand border printed in a font size between two and three (but in very bold print using lots of expensive ink):

Yes, there it is!!!! Validation from the legitimate media once again, albeit one that is published four times a year in concert with it's much more largely distributed monthly sister publication Bicycling. You can click on the photo all you want, but I made sure that you can't read the article even when enlarged, so if you wanna read it you need to go out and buy it. Mike Cushionbury assured me that if sales for this issue are double their normal numbers he'll makes sure I get a fifth of a page in every issue (that's how I remember the conversation anyhow).

Without giving too much away I will say that the article contains the following words:

sickly
keg

turd
butt
beverage
Vikings
submarine
penis

That's almost half of the words in the article, so I'd better not drop any more hints, or else you might not buy your own copy. There will be a signing at Books a Million in Charlotte between 10:45 and 11:00 am this Sunday only. I'll also be wandering around the parking lot at the Six Hours of Warrior Creek with a Sharpie if any female blog fans want the "rock and roll treatment".

On page twenty three you even get a quote from my blog (which takes up as much paper real estate as the aforementioned article), so I'm gonna count that as two separate pieces of media exposure. MOOTS is gonna be so proud of me...

Yes, it hurt a little as I turned to page twenty four and saw a full page (and a giant photo) devoted to a review of El Perdido tequila. Note to self: to ensure better coverage in the mainstream media be sure to send a case of booze to the Deputy Test Director.

TO PLAYGIRL: Call me. I'll be waiting by the phone the rest of the week.

8 comments:

The Ghost of Jerry Reed said...

Congrats! We love you so much! You are so special to us!!!

Anonymous said...

Nice dude, that is f'n awesome.

Shon

P.S. I hate you for living the life.

Peter Keiller said...

don't let the category header DOWNLOAD: JUNKFILE bother you.

i'm sure they intended that in the nicest possible way.

like when the surgeon general publishes pictures of distorted toothless cancerous faces on packs of camels...intended as a because we care kind of thing.

James said...

"I'm "kind" of a big deal" -That's great! Thanks for entertaining all of us. Lots of fun stuff and laughs.

Anonymous said...

Harlan Price - I will bet on him as well. Would be interesting to see him up against Lance and the Trek boyz as well...

As for the bong... don't get caught inhalling and you'll be fine!

Heck, if Clinton can do it, so can we!

Just don't inhale!

jac

Peter said...

Michael Phelps, Rock Star treatment, book signings, amish jokes. You have made it.

Genius!

PlumGrovePete

Anonymous said...

rich, thought you might like this
--nice seeing you the other day at trader joes--tc

http://withleather.uproxx.com/2009/03/this-bloke-phoned-in-dicky-bad-move-mate#comments

Chris said...

I believe inhaling actually boosts athletic performance.