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Tuesday, September 15

Dicky Deep

Some of you might remember that a few years ago I was "caught" doing performance enhancing drugs... well maybe not "caught", but I was under an extreme amount of suspicion by the likes of the UCI, WADA, and USACycling. Following my total and absolute domination of the 2006 24 Hour Solo Single Speed World Championships (and total destruction of giant killer Cameron Chambers) I was put under the media microscope through cyberstalking and long range surveillance cameras. This spy photo from the 2007 Burn 24 Hour Challenge had the liberal media all abuzz with rumors and chattery concerning my use of EPO, HGH, or possibly PYT.

Supposedly I'd been doing so many performance enhancing drugs that I'd actually been floating around. That was a side effect that I was not prepared for... I mean assuming that their assumptions were correct and I had actually been using performance enhancing drugs. I thought that after multiple urine, hair, skin, mucus, and toe jam tests I had been cleared, but recently this photo popped up on the web and the rumors started flying again.

As you can see my feet are not actually touching the ground.

As one might expect, the rumors are flying once again. I really hope that this photo does not cause the powers that be to reopen the investigation into my supposedly alleged so-called questionable dubious activities. You see, I can explain...

As you can see in this photo...

I am clearly supporting all my weight with my arms in an effort to keep my full weight off my bum knee (notice the massive, bulging biceps). I have not had the levitational ability to float since 2007, and I have done my best to put in an occasional dismal performance to put those whack job journalists off my supposedly alleged so-called questionable dubious tracks. SM100 was obviously one of those planned dismal performances.

Even as hard as I tried to stay off the Shenandoah 100 podium to cast more doubt on my supposedly alleged possible use of so-called questionably dubious performance enhancing drugs I still ended up on a 12 deep (or "Dicky Deep" as Gunnar referred to it) podium.

That's me on the far left...err...or am I second from the right? Who can tell? They don't even bother to focus the camera when it's time to take photos of the Single Speed podium. I was surprised they even clicked the shutter button. Nobody looks at the single speed podium photos anyways... and no, I wasn't wearing my MOOTS jersey as I didn't expect the podium to go "Dicky Deep". In the future I will not be caught off guard. Even if I finish in 60th place I'll be sporting my MOOTS jersey while tipping back the post race coldies. Hell, I'm even gonna wear it to Trader Joe's just in case I win the weekly "I brought my hippie eco-friendly cloth bags" drawing.

I'll be leaving at something like 4:00am tomorrow, so this is it till I get back. Even when I get back it's gonna be like midnight Tuesday, so you won't be seeing much of me till next Thursday (unless I lift some computer time from an unknowing sleeping host).

See you in Hell (or Durango... which ever comes first).

BTW: I just got my Durango goodie bag shipment from Backcountry Research. There's some new stuff on the horizon (Alpha Niner), and an improvement to an old favorite for you thick legged riders in the bunch. As of right now (7:07 AM EST 09/15/2009) the website is being swapped around to reflect the newest things in the name of all things awesome, but soon enough the information will be at the tips of your eyeballs. Since I can't take a picture worth a shit (and my MOOTSpost is in a box currently sitting in Albuquerque) you won't be seeing what I got till I get to Durango (if you happen to be there).

3 comments:

misfitpsycles said...

see you in 48.

it is going to be special.

sean said...

podium photo = "R.D. phone hoooooOOOOOmmee!"

scubacruz said...

Where's the Nummers hyperlinky? Try to help a brother out... slacker :P