Friday, October 16

So put your hands down my pants, and I'll bet you'll feel nuts

This weekend's scheduled ride should be a hoot... what, with the rain and cold temps it should be no problem keeping my beer cold on the way to an undisclosed observation point in the Pisgah National Forest in order to enjoy the views and watch professional bike racers make great bike race. And to make the experience all the better I'll be field testing a product that is new to all of us at Bad Idea Racing... That Butt Stuff.

I have to admit that after seeing all the other star powered butt products that have come out over the past year I myself have considered coming up with my own concoction of chamois cream. Pua has her Okole lotion and Zabriskie has his own nutz cream, so why shouldn't I have my own blog powered butt salve? I could call it Dick's Butt Jizz, or maybe Dick's Quick Cream... or perhaps Bad Idea Butt Lube. Who wouldn't line up to buy that stuff as long as it had my celebrity endorsement behind it? No one? Well, I guess it's a good thing I got some of That Butt Stuff before the weekend.

This should be a good ride to test it out on... the rain, a long day in the woods, the chilly and moist saddle doing it's best to put my panties in a bunch. I can't wait to try and do some damage to that piece of skin affectionately referred to as "the taint".

FYI: That Butt Stuff is produced and packaged in Hot Springs, AR, and I have to admit that it was a friend of a friend who helped get a sample to my ready-to-apply hands. Although I have nothing against anything unnatural when it comes to my nether regions this stuff (or That Stuff) is all natural* for you folks who think more of your privates than I do. Regardless of how I feel about protecting my nether regions from the likes of DOW Chemical, That Butt Stuff owner Adam Moore must know he's taking a big risk sending his product to me. I'm rather picky when it comes to bike stuff, and knowing that even the best products that have come my way have only gotten my Seal of SEMI-Approval you would think he woulda had second thoughts about sending a tube my way. I just don't give these things out (usually there are large sums of money involved).

I'll try to get some video of the application process and before and after shots to keep you full informed. I would do a shoot out with the competition, but DZ has never sent me any product, and I just can't bring myself to use Pua's sample. I still have Pua's cream here on my desk, but given the size of the sample I am reluctant to waste it. I'm still trying to figure out if I should apply it to 1/10th of my taint or moisten my upper lip with it.

Wow, you're going to have so much to look forward to next week. A Pisgah Stage Non Race report and a product review. All right, I have to admit if that's all you have to look forward to next week your life might be a little sad, but that's why I'm here... to brighten your otherwise sad day (for about five minutes).

* There is a bunch more information on the That Butt Stuff website (ingredients, what's not in it, how he came up with the idea for the product, etc) that I'm not gonna bother cutting and pasting it here on the blog since the check that accompanied the product did not have enough zeros on it for that kinda publicity.


Adam said...

A friend of mine that talks to Todd(provider of sample to Team Dicky) more than I do told me he sent you some Butt Stuff. My response (as a follower of this blog), "fudge", only I didn't say "fudge"! I hope to get that coveted Dicky seal of approval!

I hope you fall in "untainted" love with That Butt Stuff. Give Todd a shout out for me if you see him at Pisgah!

Adam Moore, Owner
That Butt Stuff

Peter Keiller said...


that's just bullshite.
let me guess, non edible too?

Anonymous said...

enjoy the woods.

Anonymous said...

Love your potential chamois cream product names. You should get into branding!

drew said...

Be very careful... Look before applying. You never know where hidden notes could pop up.... And a paper cut down there would be terrible

Anonymous said...

hope i never see pictures of that butt stuff on dicky.


smoen said...

Good blood hound gang lyric use.

Big Dave said...

That tiny sample of Pua's Stuff is all you need. That shit is miraculous!