Tuesday, October 20

That Butt Stuff review (as promised)

On Saturday's ride I did get a chance to try out my new (to me) chamois cream, That Butt Stuff. I did not remember to get any footage of the application nor did I take any before or after photos. I was tempted to stage a dramatic reenactment of the whole application process at home using fruit, but the only fruit we had at home was a banana, and I didn't want people to get the wrong idea.

Although the ride was only 25 or so miles I can't say that the distance that I covered quite comfortably would stand as a true testament to the excellence of this product. I was wearing it for quite some time though (nearly seven hours), and it was just as effective at the end of the day as it was when I started out. It was a nice frigid day with plenty of water spraying up off the rear tire, so not having a chapped ass at the end of the day was a pleasant surprise.

"Hey Eric, does my new chamois cream make me look taller?"

I applied less cream than I would have normally used to see if I could be a bit more economical with it. I used to slather my chamois like I was making a BLT (balls, lotion, and taint sandwich), but I was able to get away with using a much less liberal application of That Butt Stuff.

"Hey Tim, does my new chamois cream make me look more gangster?"

I plan on getting a few more longer rides with this stuff (or That Stuff) before I give it the "go to" status. It seems as if it is superior to what I've been using for years, but I'm not sure if that was just the beer talking. A beer-free ride is being planned in the near future, and I'm hoping to have a decision before the big "hush hush" ride takes place in less than a month.

"Do you guys think the racers will be able to smell my new chamois cream from down there?"

I would love to give That Butt Stuff my Full Seal of Approval, but I just can't. First off I haven't had a chance to come up with my Full Seal of Approval yet, as I still don't have a photo of me with a taco and a hot dog. Secondly, I've only been on one ride using it, and that hardly seems enough time spent with a new product to give it a full endorsement. I'm gonna use it a bunch right up until the big "hush hush" ride, and then if all goes well it will keep me happy for "X" amount of hours in "X" location.

"Should we tell Captain Morgan that I mixed some of That Butt Stuff in my Budweiser?"

So for now I can only give That Butt Stuff my Seal of Semi-Approval.

Why only Semi-Approval? Well, if you're going to take the time to make a product that's 100% natural it seems that it woulda been worth it to go one more step. Why not make That Butt Stuff 100% edible? No more carrying gels AND little sample packets of chamois cream. Just fill a gel flask with 100% natural/100% edible That Butt Stuff and go*. Just put a little in your mouth and a little down the back of your chamois at every aid station, and you'd be guaranteed to make great bike race. Makes perfect sense to me, so I can't see why they didn't put out that little bit of extra effort to make That Butt Stuff a chamois cream AND a nutritional supplement.

*That Butt Stuff is not and never will be edible. Please do not eat That Butt Stuff alone or with other food... although I've heard That Butt Stuff tastes great on a freshly tossed salad.

All color photos were ripped from Blair's flick'r site, and the B&W photo was courtesy of BW.


Blair said...

In the interest of full photo disclosure, I have never been in your presence while you're holding a tube of butt cream and a banana.

The first color photo was taken by someone else.

Word verification: shivers

Eric Wever / Pisgah Productions said...

Who was it that stuffed a handfull of cookie-dough into their chams at the original Burn course? Was it Dude?

dicky said...



Anonymous said...

Balls, lotion, and taint. That shit is funny.

Big Dave said...

Mucho funny....especially since one of my ninth graders asked me in front of the whole class what "tossing the salad" meant.

zencycle said...

Check out thom parsons idea for chamois cream.

Anonymous said...

re: 100% Organic & 100% edible... Rich, I've been working on something like this in my top secret lab... The third added bonus of my top secret product is that it's honey base is guaranteed to remove 100% of ass & taint hair... the only downshot is it makes a mess of your chamois...

That Butt Stuff said...


Let me know when you need more Butt Stuff. And what a coincidence, That Butt Stuff is actually trying to create a team of extra tall gangsters to represent! So you asked the right questions while you were out on the trail!

info at thatbuttstuff dot com