No one's really a loser in my book, but someone has to win

Let's get right to the results of the "Stick some shit on your bike and win something Awesome" contest.

The first guy to get in on the contest was the hyper-active Bad Idea Racing fan Steven Hall:

"never know when you might need some tp for bunghole."

Apparently Steven suffers from IBS, and he is more worried about an unexpected movement than he is getting a flat tire.

Next up is Marcus.

I'm not sure if Marcus was playing by the rules exactly, but this is something affixed to his bike:

Wanna make your own FedEx envelope pogies? All you need to know is right here.

Iron Mike from the Queen City has also perhaps stretched the rules, but here it goes:

"Boombox bike. An excellent device with up to 48 hours of playtime given its deep cycle marine battery. All its missing is an awesome strap to hold it in place, instead of a backpack schimming it into the trailer."

Well, it is something affixed to his bike, but I would like to see a photo of how he attaches it after he gets an Awesome Strap.

Clay Faine, famous mountain man and horoscope fanatic, sent in a very involved entry:

"As you can see my tube and tools are very securely attached with my rainbow pants leg strap. There is no way they could ever fall off but I'm a little worried about my fork. I like to climb with the rigid fork but like the squishy one for the downhills so I always carry both and just swap it out on trail as necessary. As you can see I have it attached with a bear bell and some velcro. I'm worried it might fall off and I might not notice."

And James (zen cycle) who so recently doubted the powers of the Awesome Strap in my comments a few days ago (which has inspired me to do a long term review of said strap later this week addressing some of his queries) sent in this entry preempted with this statement:

"I will be submitting a strap photo later today, but just for laughs. I'm not actually entering the contest with it. I think you'll be amused."

"I call it "The Landis"."

Love Floyd or hate him, it's still kinda funny (I'm a Floyd fan).

Big Worm decided he wanted to be "Awesome Strapped":

And just in case he has too many altercations in a given work day (or suffers from poor marksmanship)...

an extra clip to save him from a Robin Williams/The Survivors kinda moment ("Time out Jack, I'm outta bullets").

Although I did have a rule against strapping male genitalia to your bike, in fact it was the only rule, Russ Skinner decided that a phallic representation of the male genitalia would be acceptable.

"...I've been running the "saddle" you see in the photos for a while now and really like the feel. However, I keep breaking zip ties and I just know that the Awesome Strap would solve my problems."

I did have to edit the photo a bit to make it ready for prime time viewing. Since The Snob has already used Larry King's image to clean up his naughty blog bits I went for King Leonidas.

And then we have an entry from Jon Walsh that went like this:

"Your post this past Monday made me realize that I have a major strap problem. Yes, I recognize the value of securely strapping one's equipment prior to heading into the woods. I've just never given much thought to the method of strapping. I've always done things the way my dad showed me, back when I started middle school gym. As a result, my junk gets jostled around, my thighs chafe, and I've even had my banana slip out, always at importune moments."

"I don't mean to burden you with my personal problems, but it gets worse. My wife is a fellow rider. The strap I've provided her is minimalist in terms of weight, breathes well, and confers some aesthetic advantage, but as you can see, it does not adequately support her nuts. I'm sure that you can understand now embarrassing this is to me. I just can't handle another club ride being interrupted because my wife's goodies bounced loose somewhere on the trail.

You are the solution to my strap issues. Thank you, and have a strappy new year."

Now I must say it was hard picking a winner, but thanks to the folks at Backcountry Research it got easier. I didn't ask them if I could have this contest in advance, and I was just planning on sharing the schwag I was receiving for the 2010 "season". I let them know about Friday night, and I got this reply:

"As for the contest on Teamdicky.... everyone wins. Hold onto your straps. In your own way please let the winner know they will receive a "Whammer Deal" (the Awseome Strap, the Back Forty, and the Alpha Niner) from BR and an E certificate for $40.00 from REI. The other entrants will receive a free awesome strap in the mail for not taking this shit too seriously."

Holy mother of all things veclro and sticky! This is great news as I get to keep all my schwag... well, and everybody gets something for their effort to boot.

So just like Kin-Dee-Garten everybody is a winner. Well, except that Jon Walsh is a bigger winner than the rest of you, so that makes him the cool kid on the four square court this morning. I think it's obvious that affixing your stuff to your bike using undergarments and innuendo will always win hands down.

Thanks so much to Backcountry Research for kicking in the straps and the REI certificate. Maybe I shoulda asked in advance before I held the contest, but that woulda been a whole-assed attempt, and I prefer to do things much more half-assed. I hope all the entrants enjoy their new Awesomeness, and that they put them to some better use when they get 'em.

So all eight of you that bothered to send in an entry go ahead and shoot me a PHYSICAL address that you would like your prize sent to, so the folks at Backcountry Research can get your prizes in the mail.

Thanks for playing.