Is cocaine really that expensive?

I don't what I was thinking when I said this yesterday:

I will muse more on this special project tomorrow. More behind the scenes crap, more about the thoughts that went into my decision, more about my long term love affair with Santa Cruz bikes, and more about how I learned to stop worrying and love "the bomb."

I can never cover all those topics in one day, so I'm gonna have to hit each one when I can find the time. I don't even know where to start.

Perhaps my sordid history with Santa Cruz Bikes?

Why not.

The story begins with the death of my carbon rear end AMP B4 back in 1999. I had just hopped on Stabby's Rocky Mountain Pipeline and had my first taste of "freeriding" by jumping off a camping pad at the Tsali Campground (an amazing height @ 2.5 feet). I immediately jumped on my bike and tried to repeat this dazzling feat of awesomeness on my own steed. This is the result:

I was pissed. I decided then and there I would never own a full suspension bike again. I bought a Titus titanium Hard Core Racer and that was that. Shortly after my purchase I did my first two 24 hour races, and I retired from 24 hour racing for the first time. A few months later Stabby and I started building shitty North Shore style stunts back on some flood plain land in Mint Hill, NC. My Titus was not up to the task, and it was obvious I needed something better to make up for my lack of skills.

I saw a two page ad for the Santa Cruz Bullit and decided that was the bike I needed. This was the first year edition of the Bullit with limited tire rear clearance, not so optimal cable routing, six inches of travel, and it was NOT made to handle a dual crown fork. I built the bike with what I could afford and did everything my testicles would allow.

Yes, that is the same drop on Porcupine that everybody takes a photo of when they "go big" in Moab. Yes, that is a 5" Z1 Dropoff with a bolt-on crown and fork brace and a BIG RING bash guard. FTW!!

The Bullit eventually had a seven inch fork on it (voiding the warranty) and it was pretty super dope. In fact I loved it so much I bought its baby brother to make more great 24 hour bike race when I decided to unretire from the sport. Enter the Superlight.

I got the Superlight by writing an email to Santa Cruz letting them know I was going to buy one with a hook up or without it. They could either go for the ride with me and be my sponsor, or I would do it on my own and take all the credit. They sent me a white Superlight from their slightly scratched and dented pile at a decent discount with some jerseys, t-shirts, and a banner to show their support. I had my first 24 hour race win on that bike, and that eventaully lead to more opportunities which I couldn't say no to from another squishy/shifty company.

Eventually the Bullit was sold for personal reasons and the Superlight was sold to finance another bike. There would be no more Santa Cruz Bikes in my life for quite some time, although I held onto the t-shirt they sent me for sentimental reasons.

Then many years later there was the whole Hell Ride thing in 2007. I won a Nomad, but I just couldn't go back to 26" wheels after months of seeing the light (AKA: drinking the Kool Aid). The Nomad was sold shortly thereafter. While I was out there in Downieville I did bother them about making a 29'er, but there was a lot of grumbling and nay saying at the time. I dropped the topic quickly when they threatened to tell Mark Weir that I had a man-crush on him.

So here I am looking forward to my fourth Santa Cruz bike, and it will have 29" wheels... thank you very much (it was my idea after all). I have to say that somewhere in the mix of ordering my new frame I was emailing back and forth my credit card number and shipping info with none other than Juli Furtado who just so happens to be the person I wanted to name my first born child after (male or female) back in the early nineties. I BOL'ed (blushed online). Awesome.

I do not know when I will see the frame arrive at my house. The Tallboy is quite popular, and so I'm gonna hold out hope that maybe, just maybe, it gets here in time for the Shenandoah 100. Yes Jeff Schalk... your worst nightmare, a single speeder with gears, piss poor fitness, a slight hangover, and something to prove. Not only am I waiting for the frame, I'm also waiting on a wheel from Industry Nine, a headset from Cane Creek, and George at Bike 29 has to procure some parts that aren't even available yet. Can you say long shot?

FYI: SRAM, if you're out there, send me whatever shifty bits Thom Parsons said he was too good for. I'm a cheap date, so X9 would be fine. I'd go all FatCyclist with an "Open Letter to SRAM", but it's obvious I don't have the time for that right now. I'll put SRAM on the map... seriously. I have a Sharpie, and I'll put it on all my maps it if it helps.

In Bad Idea Racing tradition I couldn't have picked a worse time to make this move. I painted myself into a racing corner, and it's looking like I have Month of Mayhem V.2 coming in just over two weeks.

Breck Epic: August 21-27
Shenandoah 100: Sept 5th
Pisgah Bad Ass: Sept11th
Crank the Shield: Sept 17-19th

Is that six or seven hundred miles of racing in less than a month? Those kilometers in Canada are throwing off my half-assed calculations. It's somewhere in that range. Fuck. I gotta talk to Mike Piazza about this situation that he put me in. How am I gonna fit in a trip to Interbike on Sept 22-24 (assuming someone's flying me out this year)? Maybe I'll get lucky and once again no one will see fit to fly me out to Vegas. If the Tallboy shows up anywhere in that period of time we're talking about a freak out build session to try to get it ready ASAP for whatever.

I definitely picked the wrong month to stop sniffing glue.

Did I mention a Dirt Rag deadline in there somewhere? Suh-weet.

If anybody is thinking I am buying a squishy/shifty bike because I no longer have the skills to pay the said bills or perhaps there is still some confusion on just how wee of a little man I truly am they should read this quote from Carie Lowery's ORAMM race report:

"Rich is like a Jedi knight, Yoda in particular. Just by looking, you wouldn't think him to be much of a mountain biker, but when his game is on, it takes everything you got to hang on!"

"Pull my finger."

There you have it. Looking at me looking you wouldn't think me to be much of a mountain biker. I guess it's obvious I'm just another fucking hipster. That's how I should have sold myself to Santa Cruz. Mike Ferrentino probably woulda just gave me a Tallboy for the whole sake of irony.

They love their crappy beer in Santa Cruz.