Lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what have you's

I'm leaving for Crank the Shield tomorrow morning. People have been giving me shit for not doing the Pisgah Mountain Bike Stage Race that is going on as we speak (in the internet vernacular). I have plenty of reasons to not be there this year:

Jeremiah Bisquick will be there. He's always asking me if I've got any spare hair gel because he "left his at home". As if...

EvanPlews.com will be there. He's always creeping me out with the jars full of moths and the vast array of lotions he keeps in a basket.

Amanda Carey, Sue Haywood, and Carey Lowery will be there. 100% chance of being multi-chicked every day. I've had my fill this year, thank you.

Drew Edsall will be there. I'm pretty sure he's pissed at the whole gang that stayed at Eagle Lodge during the Trans Sylvania Epic. I don't want to take the heat on that one. Besides, he's always begging for a ride to the airport.

Garth Prosser will be there. Since I blame him for everything that goes wrong in my life that may not be a bad thing, but he may ask me to pretend to be his lover, and that kinda scares me (long story).

I mighta had a shot in the single speed category for a podium.. perhaps a win. This would once again put me in the position where I would have to try to take racing seriously for MULTIPLE DAYS IN A ROW. If there's one thing that this year's Trans Sylvania Epic proved to me it's that I can't keep my shit together for more than two consecutive days.

Aside from the 12 mile hill climb prologue I have ridden every trail that the PMBSR will cover. There will be nothing new to see and nothing new to ride. That said, the trails are quite awesome, but I will be seeing plenty of them this winter on my own.

The whole point of doing a stage race (for me) is to see new sites, roll into a strange piece of trail I've never seen before, meet new people, hang out with old friends, and have fun. I coulda got some of that at the PMBSR, but I will get all of that at Crank the Shield. I will get to hang out and live among the indigenous people of Eastern Canada and learn their ways as we ride all over the Haliburton Highlands. I'll be like the Dian Fossey of the Canadian mountain bike world.

Sure, Pisgah has some of the best trails in the country, but I like to ride new stuff whenever I get the opportunity. I will never pre-judge the quality of a trail system by looking at the topography of the area. I've ridden one of the stupidest courses I've ever endured in the the Sierra Nevadas (nice views though), and I've been tickled pink by the ingenuity shown by the people of Wooster, OH at Vulture's Knob. Let me say that again... I had fun riding in OHIO. I'll ride the trails first, and then I'll let you know what I think.

Would there have been an awesome autograph session of a limited edition poster at the PMBSR? I think not. Did you buy yours? I'd bet not. Peter told me that sales were going so badly that we'll be wiping our asses with my face all week to cut our losses.

How will I do at Crank the Shield? Unknown. Aside from Craig Barlow and Peter I don't know anybody else in the single speed category...well, I did hear something about the guy named Guy, but it was more of a discussion regarding the pronunciation of his name than anything else. Since it's the last race of the year I'm gonna give it everything I got and ride like there's no tomorrow even though on days one and two there actually will be a tomorrow. For a little external motivation I'm gonna put Sweaty Teddy's Stranglehold on my iPod 150 times and put it on shuffle for the entire race.



Yes Peter, if your house gets in my way baby, you know I'll burn it down. Why we would be riding through your yard at the Court of Dingle I do not know, but be aware that I will stop and get all arsony on your palatial dwelling if I have to.

I thought about putting a little Wang Dang Sweet Poontang on there as well, but I wasn't sure if I'd get the same kinda mojo working for me.



See you Tuesday. When I get back I'll tell you all about the race and complain about not going to Interbike yet again.