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Friday, September 2

Fjear The Pflug

First off, a PSA:

If you are wanting beer at the Shenandoah 100 after 10:00PM on Sunday, I suggest you go buy it now. The keg beer has ran out in the past. It will run out again. Last year, Bill Nye and I finished off the last of it right before the riots began. Scary stuff indeed. I stocked up last night, and I also bought my six Honey Stinger Waffles for breakfast on Sunday morning. I hate liking things that other people like because I'm such a rebel, but I do like these things. If I could have a nutrition sponsor, that would be it. So good, damn it. I hate them. I don't care if they are glorified cookies baked by an angel.

Once again, I was mentioned in the Shenandoah Mountain 100 race brief, THE race brief from the be all end all of all be all end alls.

"Did the Tour D Burg "experience" do anything to improve Rich Dillen's (Team Dicky) chances of doing well this year?"

Shit.

I consider this a curse, somewhat like the Sports Illustrated cover jinx.

I was not mentioned in 2006, and I ended up 1st place fixed and third overall in the NUE. I was not mentioned in 2007, and I came in 2nd place SS. I was not mentioned in 2008, and I came in 3rd place SS.

I was finally mentioned in 2009, and I came in 12th at the bottom of a "Dicky deep" podium. I was once again mentioned in 2010, and I came in a lowly 18th place... too deep for the promoters to have a "Dicky deep" podium and maintain any sort of dignity.

So even though I have good legs, altitude enriched blood, and a squishy fjörk, I am still screwed. No matter what I do, it would seem that the karmic powers that be are against me. As if I needed a more worthy foe at the SM100.

The general consensus is that The Pflug is unbeatable... within normal parameters. This has caused me to look into other abnormal avenues of approach.

Enter the The Pflug voodoo doll.

I thought this would be a great idea, at least I didn't think anyone had tried it yet. Even the desperate to beat The Pflug on a level playing field Missouri Miller isn't that smart. I went to stick him with a pin this morning, but The Voodoo Pflug tried to bite me, so I ran into the hallway closet to hide from him. The Voodoo Pflug then proceeded to loot my fridge, pee on my sectional couch, and cavort with The Pie in a lascivious manner. I asked The Voodoo Pflug to leave the premises (from the safety of the closet), and eventually he did, but only after he finished going through my tape collection (stealing my entire Dökken stockpile) and got The Pie's phone number.

Note to self: Don't make any more The Voodoo Pflugs.

I did try making a Matt Ferrari voodoo doll, but I had a hard time finding a pair of baby doll sized Carhartt pants.

I go into the Shenadoah 100 with no aspirations of winning, some dreams of making the podium, and a goal of staying as far away from The Pflug as possible. He might get pissed off if he finds out I'm going around taking donations towards the purchase of some gears for his 2012 season. He really needs to stop picking on us less than sober, poorly trained, semi-skilled riders with slightly better hair.

I'm just taking a contract out on Ferrari. He can be killed. The Pflug? Not so much.

5 comments:

Jason said...

One of your best ever.

Andrea said...

I got the snub again. Hopefully it'll work for me like it has for you.

moe said...

Effin Awesome Dicky!

BShow said...

A solid strategy would be to ride the darkhorse into a podium position.

Pauly said...

Damn funny you skinny bastard!