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Friday, February 10

I lead a meh-less life

Yet riding a bike stimulates me so...

By tomorrow night, it will have been two weeks since I've had a beer. This is not because I'm broke, nor is it because I'm having trouble finding the beer aisle, nor is it because I have taken up meth.

I considered taking a short break from beer at the start of the new year. That was a big fail, unless my break was the period of time daily between 6:30AM and 5:30PM (weekends didn't count). The way my "career" was in turmoil, beer just made it all better. So I considered another break in February. I was talking to a person at Icycle (who shall remain nameless) about it, and he mentioned that he and his wife were taking ALL of February off from the sudsy devil.


Brilliant.

So I signed on. A few days in, a friend pointed out that at least February was the shortest month of the year.

Super brilliant.

Last week, someone told me this was a leap year.

Fuck.

I miss beer runs on the bike, messenger bag loaded to the gills. I wrote an entire article for Dirt Rag without the aid of beer. I thoroughly cleaned the Misfit diSSent Brontoawesomeous Meatplow V.5 and installed a top secret bike part... all without beer.

It's hard to not feel like I'm missing out on life. Multiple invites to beerage have occurred lately, the kinda invites that never seem to happen normally. I hear people laughing on the other side of a fence on my commute home... I know they're drinking. Assholes.

Not drinking makes me bitter. Tires make me feel better.

They smell good, not like beer good, but just good good. Something close to cookie good, but without all the guilt. I've got a few months before the "Season" begins, so now is a great time to try some new meat. Thad swears by the Aspen and let's face it, I want to tell everybody how much I love the Beaver in the rear.

I do think I'm going to do some creative accounting on my beer math. Since I started with three days left in January and the month has been lengthened without consulting me first, I'll probably start drinking again on Feb 25th at the Southeastern Bike Expo. Rumor is that beer will be made available at some point and since it's gonna be good beer, I'm not passing that up.

Fifteen more days in the hole.

At least I get to ride my bike this weekend. That will be a worthwhile endeavor. I had considered this:

but it's gonna be colder than a witch's tit and a pair of brass monkey balls shoved into a well digger's ass. This event will entail a certain amount of standing around and being patient... without beer.

Not gonna happen.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Is that penis gourd a 29er?

TheMutt said...

You had me at beer.

Jake Davidson said...

Aspen. Good grip in corners, fast as hell, single-ply toilet paper sidewalls and casing. Although it you ride it right, I raced the first TSE on a set and they were brilliant. Just be aware of the sidewall thin-ness...

CB2 said...

Beaver in the rear...

Aspen no workie with rocks.

pv said...

Nothing like getting a new beaver in the mail...cept maybe a few beers with a new bever in the mail.

But I digress!

I currently have the "I dream of Jenie" theme song stuck in my head...mmmm...hot chicks living in bottles....of beer?

Fukineh.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82AnBx-7w-s