Have a drink on me... or don't

If you like to race AND you also enjoy beer, I suggest you don't read this article:

I knew some of the downsides of my favorite non-water beverage. Muddled sleep, reduced metabolism, dry mouth bleeding eye hangovers...

But this article has something like eight horrid side effects that really get into the science of it all. I will not mention any of them, lest you plan on not reading the article and tainting your ability to continue to enjoy yourselves in a most liquidy manner. I have to admit that I read the whole article yesterday while sitting around bored at work. As soon as I got home, I went straight to the fridge to drown my new found sorrows, thus hindering my glycogen replacement, increasing my fat stores, summoning the munchies, accelerating my urine output, reducing my muscle growth, increasing my cortisol levels, reducing my testosterone, and eventually ruining my good night's sleep.

I would have never known any of this had Lynda Wallenfels not posted a link to this article on facebook.

Who's Lynda? Oh, just a coach who has all kinds of successful athletes riding all over the planet. Can she ride? Yes, she's constantly winning all kinds of wicked hard mountain bike events. She's so strong that for a small fee you can ride in her pack and have a front row seat to her winning performance in a multi-day self-supported event.

I think that Lynda needs to take me on as "client gratis." What better way to prove her coaching abilities than to take a total slacker with stubborn tendencies, a lax attitude, competing priorities, and a penchant for frosty beverages and occasional cookie binges and make him into a star athlete? None more better.

I could be her masterpiece. Ms Wallenfels's Opus.

If you don't wanna read all the downsides but wanna skip to the tips on how to drink and still be awesome, jump over to page three, although they lost me with tip number one:

1. Avoiding unnecessary drinking...

I do not even understand this statement.