All Hail the (not) King

Wow.  Last night, I rode home in the shitty rain after a shitty day at work.  On the way to my house, I went to the shitty store and they still didn't have any Happy Ending on their shitty shelves.  Then I watched a shitty person talk about his shitty life while I made shitty comments on Facebook and got shitty.

That was yesterday.

Today is not about shit, it's about being "the shit."

The King of Pisgah

I just signed up this week.

I'll admit, I don't believe that I could be the one true King of Pisgah.  There will be some stiff competition for the series and at every single race since Eric "PMBAR Honcho" Wever has $11,000 in total CASH prizes this year.  The King AND Queen both get a $2,000 reward for their efforts.  The incentive of cold cash is really gonna push the pace at the front.  To make matters worse, I'll be on my single speed.  I can't beat guys like Sam Koerber and Garth Prosser unless they have a very bad day (I've taken advantage of those opportunities in the past).  Whether or not I beat King of the Pastie White Bearded Hill People,Wes Dickson, just depends on if this is a training year or not.  I'm hoping not.  Then there's the Kelly Klett's and Mark Sackett's of the world, who probably won't let being on a single speed stand in their respective ways...


So why do it?  For fun.  I was going to do PMBAR and the Pisgah 111K anyways.  I missed my chance to do Monster Cross when my dog got all strokey the morning of the race last year.  I have yet to finish the Double Dare in my two thwarted attempts.  And this new 55.5K THE DAY AFTER THE 111K????

Here's the plan:

Try hard to finally put in a respectable finish at PMBAR with Zac.  No wooden nickels, no broken axles, top five or death.

Try hard to defend my single speed win at the Pisgah 111K.

 not missing any opportunity to post a podium photo

This will difficult, but what else I can do with the small amount of self respect that I'll start "the season" out with?

Drink the night after the 111K, thus making the next day's 55.5K a little more epic.

Monster Cross.  I'm not big on "gravel grinders," but I do need to put this notch in my belt.  Expect quite the laissez faire attitude here.  I will ride the course, probably on my mountain bike for comfort's sake, and then drink beer.  Embrace low expectations.

Double Dare.  My main goal will be to help my partner Jana Morris secure the Queen of Pisgah title.

Why partner with Jana?  She asked me first, Sadie Hawkins style.  I just wanna finish it and check it off the list.  No missing the first day's midnight cut-off by ten minutes after going for the win on fixed gears for over twelve hours and no torn sidewall followed by an eighteen mile ride of shame and nine hours of keg emptying good times by the fire.

FYI: There are still spots open for the King and Queen of Pisgah, but PMBAR is sold out (in just a day).  If you sign up for the KQOP, you can still get into PMBAR, but that is the ONLY way.

And lastly, I got my SchwagBox the other day.

Ten bucks a month, this is a sample of what you get.  Some will mock it, others will appreciate it for what it is.  Myself, although I'll dump thousands of dollars into a bike I know I might end up feeling lukewarm about, I rarely try new products like these.  Not sure what my hang up is, but I don't wanna stare at a barely used tub of embro on my shelf for the next ten years.

But now I will try some embrocation, as well as the GU Brew.  The chamois cream?  We all know I'm about That Butt Stuff, but I guess I can cheat three times.  Pro Link?  Dick Bruceman keeps me well lubed with Pro Gold product, so I will pass this bottle on to a dry chained local.  The Do More Bar will be tossed in my pack and consumed the next time I get hungry, thus saving me $1.40 some time in the future.

So is SchwagBox worth it?  There's more than $10 retail sitting in that pile, so if you look at it that way...

Yes.

If I choke on the energy bar and get an all-over body rash from mixing embro with the crack wax?

I suggest you use the contents of your Schwagbox separately.