Friday, May 10

Not the feel good you're looking for (now with musical accompaniment)

As terrible as yesterday's post was, it was still something of a cathartic release.  I've had a long, drawn-out, unnecessarily emotional week.  Ups, downs, and all arounds.  Why this week?  Why not?

Yes, I just admitted to having something similar to "feels."  I'm only (half) human after all.

Sorry, sometimes my desire to reference popular 80's culture can not be squelched.  If you only had some idea how long it took me to find that video... I coulda photoshopped many heads onto many bodies in the same amount of time.  The things I do for your love...

But after publishing a blog about zip ties and drooper posts, there was a certain palpable release of pressure. Seriously, I saved it.  Feel free to stop by the house and palp it some time.

On the way to work, an entire Dirt Rag article wrote itself in my head.  I don't know where it came from, but it just formed magically over 50 minutes of urban cruising.

Then I'm at work and I read something that almost had me sitting there in tears.  Something that upset me more than the current state of my injured ribs and my cluttered work bench combined.

Really, I've been staring at this mess for days, and it's starting to affect me on several levels.  I thought that like most of my problems, if I just ignore it long enough, it will sort itself out.

I'll link to what I read when I say what I have to say, no sooner.

I was in a certain dark place for some time awhile back.  Age and time have softened the edges of my memory, and I can't pinpoint when it started or when it ended.  I just know there was a time when everything in life stood still and nothing mattered.  I managed to get around just fine in order to fit into a normal society, but inside I was dead and waiting to either not be dead anymore or just be dead altogether. Whatever it took to make sure I didn't bring anybody else into my world of unhappiness.

Sad shit, I know.

I'm feeling much better now.

When you get a chance to read the link, and I highly suggest you do, realize that my piece of corn was a blue sky.  A moment that when I look back now, I know something changed.  I don't remember the day or the month, but I started looking at things differently.

I'm in a entirely better place now, and I will never look at a blue sky the same way.

I suggest you read this article.  I've never seen anyone state so eloquently how it feels to be in that place, and by the way, in a most entertaining manner.

If I laugh at depression, is that a good thing or should it make me depressed that I think it's not depressing?

So yeah, have a great weekend...

after you read this:

Depression Part Two

What can you look forward to next week?

Ride plans are questionable for me.  Family out of town, rain in the forecast, Bike Party tonight, tons and tons of shit to do to prepare for the Pisgah Eleventy-one/Fiftyfivepointfive weekend, even more things that have to be done to get ready for the Trans-Sylvania Epic the next week...

I see a lot of pacing around the bike room and the touching of things (other than myself) in my near future.

I can't be the only one who finds that disturbing on so many levels, can I?


Anonymous said...

Two videos of pure win!


AdamB said...

Yeah, that's an amazing article. And holy crap, what a flashback to college with Level 42!

Anonymous said...

Thanks, man. Good stuff...

go play in traffic said...

It is extremely difficult to put into words how depression feels, especially because depression is an absence of FEELING. I can imagine such an outpouring of accurate reflection can only be accomplished when one has come out of it. This was a great read. Thanks.

The Ghost of Jerry Reed said...

Jesus, a Level 42 reference? Kudos. Hope your rib starts feeling better. Give Billy a hug.