The Road to Nowhere: 2014 NAHBS

Realizing that Bike Rumor would never be able to cover all the bases with its Road to NAHBS 2014 series, I decided to help.

We (me) sat down with Sean Chaney (at our respective computers) of Vertigo Cycles to ask him about his preparations for the 2014 NAHBS.  Since he is the person hand-buildering my next frame, I can't wait to meet him in March.

TD: Are you coming to NAHBS?

SC: I certainly won’t be there to exhibit but I’ve been scanning the internets for cheap flights.

TD: Oh... well.  Why not?

SC: If I told you the truth, I’d be banned for life and I’d like to go back some time. It would be easy to say that I’ve been entirely too busy to commit the time to do everything necessary to make a real go of it. That would also be a true answer.

TD: If you were coming, would you rather sleep on my couch or share an air mattress with dirtwire.tv's Thom Parsons?

SC: If we spoon tightly enough, would your couch accommodate Thom and I? Does his neck smell nice? Who would get the dead arm?

TD: If you were coming, how many free beers do you think you could drink at The Spoke Easy's Official Unofficial 2014 NAHBS After Party?

SC: One half of one free beer, assuming that ultra hoppy beers are still taking over the world. I’m over it…unless it’s Weyerbacher Double Simcoe and then I’m all over it.

TD: If you were coming, what bike would you bring?

SC: Definitely a fat bike. I don’t think they’re getting enough exposure these days and I highly doubt that other builders would think to bring one. 

TD: What do you think Don Walker wears under his kilt?

SC: A Celtic scrotal adornment

TD: What will be the one thing we won't want to see any more of after the 2014 NAHBS is over?

SC: Don Walkers Celtic scrotal adornment

(artist rendering)

 TD: Whose frames would you most like to finger after eating a Bojangles Country Fried Steak Biscuit (limit your response to one builder)?

SC: Whatever builder is attempting to garner the most attention with a paint job

TD: Would you pay $5 for a Budweiser?

SC: If it was the only available option and I needed it to wash out the taste of something worse like…

TD: A Bud Lite?

SC: …a Bud Lite.

TD: Should anybody ever pay more than a dollar for twelve ounces of anything from Budweiser?

SC: I can’t imagine why anyone should, but I don’t have a very good imagination. Wouldn’t it be more efficient to buy a bottle of vodka? Money would be saved and fewer couches and Thom Parsons would be peed upon.

TD: Should fat-bike tipping be discouraged at the show?

SC: Absolutely not, but what’s the fun in it? Antagonizing someone who can’t or won’t fight back isn’t any fun. This is the bike industry, if you manage to enrage and engage anyone at all, you’re only likely to get a soft slap fight out of it.

TD: Do you think Sacha White is immortal? If not, how do you think he'll ever get through his current 75 year wait list?

SC: I only see him occasionally, but I can’t say that he’s aged much in the past eight years. He has a mustache now, which makes him look simultaneously younger AND more mature.

TD: How long before Richard Sachs makes an Enduro™ specific frame?

SC: He’s waiting for Columbus to make Enduro specific tubes. Several prototypes have emerged, none of which have the appropriate lateral stiffness to vertical compliance ratio.

TD: How could NAHBS be better?

SC: Get rid of the awards.

TD: What could make it worse?

SC: Move it to a city with a high probability of winter transit complications

TD: What do you different than other frame builders that will be at NAHBS (in regards to frame building, not stupid human tricks like rolling your tongue or juggling acetylene tanks)?

SC: I don’t Scotchbrite my bikes after welding anymore. You can’t hide anything that way. Everything gets finished before welding. There are no secrets, no surprises, no buffing away contaminated welds.

TD: What do you think the ratio of hispter types to actual potential frame buyers is at a typical NAHBS?

SC: I’m sure it depends on the city. In Portland, it’s about 1000:1.

TD: Think that's enough?

SC: Is that a rhetorical question?

TD: Shall we play a game?

SC: How about Global Thermonuclear War?