Tuesday, February 23

WATTS FAPPENING II: C'mon Get Fappy '16

The WATTS FAPPENING II: C'mon Get Fappy very much fappened.

Almost as planned... which is how it's planned. To not go off as planned.

Watts arrived at my house pretty close to on time, which was the first thing that I didn't think would happen.   A quick loading of the Honda Fit of Rage and we're off for a ride at the Backyard Trails, which all were invited to, but I imagine no one thought would actually happen.  We left the parking lot alone, keeping an eye on the time and guessing when we actually needed to leave and what we still had left to do to not be late to our own party.

photo cred: #imafixwolves
At the point where we could easily bail on more trail and not risk being late or continue on looking for more thrills, we opted for the latter.  Being late to your own party has no disadvantages, at least not when it's your fappening.  We got out of the woods, headed back to my place for bathing and wardrobe coordination, and went around the corner for some sit-down bar food.  We made the decision to drink one beer with a meal of nachos and wings, and when pressed with the decision to have more beers, we did not.  Because that was the beginning of the end last year.  We did learn at least that much.

The clock continued to tic and toc, and I experienced anxious moments waiting for the check.  More fun than being late would be getting there at exactly 2:01PM, the announced starting time.  I pushed the pace on Watts as we crossed town, him being on a bike not quite as fast as the Fastest Bike in the World.  Many nacho and chicken wing burps later, we arrived at the Fappening... at 2:00 on the nose.  Dammit.  Bill Nye and Rachel being the only people early to the party.

People started to arrive.  Some I knew. Others I didn't.  We'd fix that by the end of the evening.  Beer one down at Sugar Creek, we headed to Olde Meck.... 1/32 of a mile away.  The drizzle started coming down, we drank our German H├╝rkenflergles and sat next to the smoky fire.  Beer gone, we decided to call our first audible and stop at the distillery that we could see from where we were sitting.  It was half the distance back to Sugar Creek.  Strange place.  Had to sign in.

Drinks ordered and we assembled upstairs in the leather couches watching some strange, decades-old dragon movie.

Probably the first wave of fappers to get their drinks and head upstairs.  I think we were around fifteen people at this point.

Back on our bikes for the first big haul.  Maybe more than a mile to Triple C.  Rocky and the Other White Rich D find us along the way.  Molar fun.

More discussions and we're on audible number two.  A stop at Lenny Boy.  Nobody has ever been there, so we're boldly going where no man has ever gone before (after going to Sugar Creek, Olde Meck, the distillery, and Triple C).  I ordered some beer that looked like mud, but surprisingly doesn't taste like mud.

From there, the plan is to go to Sycamore.  Beer.  Food trucks.  Huge outdoor patio.

Apparently, every white person in Charlotte had the same idea.  It's packed. We didn't come here for a "scene."  We came to drink and move on.  Audible number three is called.  Skip Sycamore... and almost immediately, we decide that Unknown may offer just as many non-Fappeners, so we decided to head straight to The Spoke Easy.

More beers.  Some discussion of food.  Next thing you know, I'm eating a pile of it.  It's good.  I think it had some animal in it.

From there, things fall apart.  Not as planned, but as one would've expected.  Some want to go to Legion Brewing.  Others, Birdsong.  I elected to join the Birdsong bound crew.

Grab and go nuts, always free at Birdsong.

From there, we made the trek over to Plaza Midwood and the Cold Sprints at Snug Harbor.  The place went from empty to more than bustling but not quite packed pretty quickly.  Sprints began. I was glad to not be doing them...

But then I got asked to do one of the longer events so some guy has someone to race against.  I don't know how far it was or how long it lasted.  The light turned green, I put my head down, and didn't stop until the level of the crowd noise hit a crescendo.  Apparently, I won.  The other guy seemed pissed.

I'm not sure how long we stuck it out, but eventually it seemed like Watts and I had enough hours of continuous drinking to head home.  Maybe we got home at 1:00AM to raid my fridge.  No idea.

Another Watts Fappening in the books.  Will there be another Fappening in 2017?

I guess that depends on whether or not Bill Nye and I are bored sitting around looking at each other, drinking beer, and talking about if we could or should do it again.

If you weren't there, you might have missed your last chance to ever Fappen.

Or you didn't.

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