Thursday, June 9

Trans-Sylvania Mountain Bike Epic: Stage Three

Stage Three: Galbraith Enduro ~ 29.5 miles, 4,377 feet of climbing... not including an all new neutral approach from... I think somewhere near Cleveland, Ohio

I started thinking I had a shot at getting on the podium on this day.  My plan was to swap over to the Stickel with a suspension fork, 650b tires... all the noise.  Of course I would be muy bueno on this day, si?

Then I find out that Montalbano has a full suspension single speed in his back pocket.  Dan has been killing the Enduro™ sections, only being bested by Matt Green most of the time.

Dan "damit" Giroux... not having any issues with beating my dick off on the downhills tho.

Axel out-endurbled me the previous day.   Spohn put a suspension fork on his Surly... could be interesting.

This was the day that took me out last year.  It's more than just in the back of my mind all day long.  This very thought engages the 90% of my gray matter that I haven't killed with beer yet.  Survival.  Must finish this year.  I decide to spend the day with Aaron and Dr Jones, both on full squish bikes, so great people to follow down the mountain.  Their wake will be huge, and I'll never get held up by a slower rider.

The plan?  All I can say is that my mortality will never be forgotten.  I will take zero risks.  Many a sammich shall be consumed at the aid stations.

Holding back just a little is the wise choice.  I get through Enduro One and Two unscathed, approaching Enduro Three with caution as I flatted there years ago whilst rigid endurbling.  We see a rettle snek at the bottom and stop so Dr Jones can make great photo.  I thought he hated sneks.  Whatever.

Wildcat.  Enduro Four.  Super gnar chunk and ends with a bang in a chunder tunnel.  I will always remember the rock chute that I rode for the first time back at SSWC '05.  I was rigid and 26" then, so no matter how horrible it looks, I remind myself that it will never be that bad again.

I go into Enduro Five knowing that this is the one that broke my butt last year.  Much caution, looking for the rock that pushed me into the lumpy abyss and made me cry alligator tears.  I don't think I could pull him from a lineup, but once I'm positive that I'm past the bad place, I feel like this:

At the bottom, safe and sound.  Aaron, Dr Jones, and I make our VERY LONG way back to the car... and food and beer.

Feeling slightly victorious (I not ded), I drink a couple beers and finish Aaron's "leftover" beer at Home D Pizza.  Back at camp, victory celebrations continue into the evening, despite my non-podium placing.

The single speed vibe has been too quiet thus far, and it's time to end the begin with the ruining of things.  I whined about the lack of "dirty people" in a sad DirtWireTV interview, but truly I only had myself to blame for not making something happen.  Mike says he doesn't really drink beer, and I don't know where to find the two Matts.  I pack some festive lubrications into a sack and seek out Dan and Doug in their hobo camp.  We regale in out mid-pack glory with a few other camper folks.

When Doug is not busy avoiding podiums, he's up for keeping things all single speedy.  No arm twisting required when I ask him to join me in the beering.

Evening wheelie contest, skids, bunny hop competition, bike derby... somehow I end up with the megaphone.

'05 Single Speed World Chump, Buck riding "our" bike in the derby... it was pretty much built for that sole purpose.  He refers to it as "our" bike, as he read about each and every detail through the planning and build process, so he feels emotionally invested to the point where 50% ownership is obviously his.

Whoever put the megaphone in my hand should be arrested... or praised depending on how you look at it.  I would say I was sorry, but...

when there are mashed potatoes, someone has to stick a dick in them.

Speaking of dicks and mashed potatoes, an Endurble day without Chainsaw Don is not Enduro™ at all.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

nice fit! reminds me of heart transverter at la ruta... what a dude that guy was.. supposedly sailed a boat to costa rica, liked the place... fornicated had many kids... lives in a shack by the sea now in costa rica naked!