Wednesday, April 14

Taking my ball with me

First off, I will do my best today to not prove just how far up my ass my head is currently positioned. I will in no way address issues of a geo-political, economical, or environmental nature. I will never say that I am knowledgeable in the ways of the world or that my opinions are well informed enough to engage in a debate. I suck at politics almost as much as I suck at road riding.

That's the moment I was dropped off the back of the A-group 13 miles into the 65 mile Morrow Mountain ride last Saturday. Meh.

Let's talk about jerseys. I received some comments from the women folk (mostly on Facebook) regarding the certain lack of women's specific size options for the 2010 Bad Idea Racing jersey.

I regret to confirm that yes, we did not offer any specific cuts for women, although I did say on Facebook that:

My female fans wear men's jerseys, or they wear nothing at all. Either way it's a win-win for me.

Actually it's not a win-win for me. I can see topless women on the internet all day long if I want to (Peter clued me in on this), but I don't make one red cent if my female fans go around exposing their natural beauty to the world. It's much better for me from a financial standpoint if they buy a jersey, so I do have an alternate suggestion for my female fans who would like to sport the team colors. Any women that are confused as to which size to buy might I suggest you select the tightest jersey you think you can fit into. Then once you receive the jersey squeeze your feminine form into the jersey and use the full length zipper to adjust the fit as neccessary... you know, like Liz Hatch does:

Problem solved.
You're welcome.
Don't ever say I wasn't sensitive to women's issues.

In other jersey news:

In a little over a day the jerseys were more than 13.5% sold out.

XL and XXL sleeveless jerseys are sold out entirely. This means one of two things:

-There is a very good chance that the other size jerseys will sell out as well.


-I have a lot of large male fans with big arms (I'd better have eyes in the back of my head in the showers this year).

Get yours before you can't get them anymore here.

I never got into the latest copy of Dirt Rag with you. Here's my mini review in a very tiny nutshell.

I was happy to see a write up from Thom Parsons on the SSUSA race in Arizona. He's gonna put me outta a job at Dirt Rag in no time. Things do live in Dejay's beard, and if you don't buy issue #148 of Dirt Rag you'll never know what they are.

There's my latest installment of Wazupwidis placed very strategically across the page from...

a MOOTS advertisement. Wazupwidat? Irony? Syncro? Marketing genius?

Also in this issue is a review of my new crabon frok from Niner:

Luckily it got a good review or I'd be selling it on eBay like yesterday. I fully believe what I read in print and you should too. Buy your crabon frok today and be a better person tomorrow.

I like the little write up they did on the Sette 7 torque wrench:

I bought one some time ago, and modified the case to hold my bits and an extension. I don't actually use my torque wrench to work on my bike. I just wanna be able to say "Hey, I own a torque wrench" when I go to my local bike shop and complain about a poorly self-installed product.

And finally I noticed this:

Harlan Price, former Independent Fabrications pro who now races for Team CF is listed as a contributing editor. Harlan will also be at the Trans Sylvania Epic Stage Race in May, so what does that mean to my quest for "the complete and utter domination of the cycling industry and media types"? I am going to discount Harlan's participation to my challenge based on two criteria:

1) He raced as a pro, thus he at least once had the ability to race at the top level of the sport. This class is not for the has beens, but for the never was and never will be's. The guy who can only see the zenith of his fitness on the far off horizon in his rear view mirror, not a guy like Harlan Price.

2) He works for Dirt Rag which means we are on the same team. Sure, maybe we'll get some kind of Lance/Alberto dynamic going, but if Harlan starts fingerbanging on the podium I'm not gonna admit that I even know him.

Harlan doesn't count. It's my ball and my rules, and if you don't like it I'm taking my ball and going home.


Anonymous said...

I think Garth Prosser talked Harlan into going SS this year!

dicky said...

That would make sense since Garth is the root cause of 95% of my problems.

Anonymous said...

my welcome? No! It's YOUR welcome. Not mine.

Anonymous said...

Balls Bits extensions and fingerbanging? Come on Dicky, PG-13!

Anonymous said...

".... sensitive to women's issues ...." that was coffee through the nose this morning!


Big Bikes said...

I'm pretty sure there are things living in Liz Hatch's cleavage as well.


KB said...

What if a chick is smuggling raisins and not canteloupes? Oh, well, I guess a dude's jersey would work just fine, then.