Open Wallet

I've been called frugal, cheap by some.

They (the some) are right and wrong.  I will pay top dollar for top shelf product... if there is no way around it.  I prefer not to do so, but sometimes my internet celebrity only goes so far.

I don't always ask for things on the cheap, nor do I expect them, but I thoroughly appreciate them.  At least those things that don't suck.  I neither ask for nor want those.  When such products do show up in my mailbox, I give them to friends, the ones I don't like very much.

Recently I did see something that I simply must have, money no object.  Being that the holder of said item is not one to ask favors from, lest you be forever indebted to his graces, I just ordered the fucking thing.

Cycling caps.
I have plenty of them.  I wear them all the time, on the bike and off.  I do not care much for rule #22, and for that matter, most of the rules of cycling as per Velomaniti save for rule #13 which is not to be messed with.

I wear arm warmers and sleeveless jerseys. 

I ride in bad weather, but I am NOT a badass.  I made a poor career choice, as far as monetary success and exposure to the elements go. 

Rule #31?  I use an Awesome Strap.  I'm not stupid.  Jersey pockets are for phones and cans of beer.

Where was I?

Yes, caps.

I haz caps.

The caps on the left were obtained via money transfer.  I bought the Euro caps years ago, before internet fame.  The hideous Salsa cap was bought at a swap meet.  Of the two Walz caps, one of purchased at full retail and the other was bought on a whim out of a sale bin... and is now my favorite.

The caps on the right were bought with my personality.  Free from friends or friends of friends, race schwag, sponsorship, what have you.  All have been worn, some much more than others.  The Walz on the lower right was a gift from Jen at Walz caps to Dan Hensley who then proceeded to re-gift it to me at Interbike.  I like Dan.

Anyways, Peter, bless his heart, designed (not made, he left that to the superior American labor force) some pretty grape covers.

I only wanted to buy one.  The problem being, no matter which one I chose, it would be wrong.  Either too orange, too black or not enough of either.

Perplexed, I choked.  I bought them all.

It was not part of a publicity stunt.  I sent him the money.  He took it.

I thought maybe after all I had done for him, as far as being a very successful sponsored rider (in the past) and literally, physically, painfully, patiently pulling him onto the podium at the 2012 Breck Epic...

he might not accept payment.  He did... within seconds of placing my order.

Whatever.

He took my money, all the money.  Even the shipping.

I guess since the last time I rode his bike, it was Sept 8th of two ought twelve, on its way to yet another podium...

photo cred: Joe Cattoni

 
he might have been making a point by forcing me to pay full retail.

The last time I saw my Misfit Psycles sponsored racer type frame was back in October when it moved on to the next dimension.

Perhaps he considers me a traitor, as much as a Canadian could consider anyone a traitor, being that they really don't have a government... more of a student council.

What was my point?

I guess it got lost.

Anyways, buy a hat, designed by a Canadian, but made in America and then shipped to Canada in order to burn a maximum amount of nonrenewable resources without involving a container ship.  They have everything a rebellious conservative liberal American might want; guns, swords, missiles, skulls, axes, clubs, skulls, bones, arrows, and an exclusivity that will enable you to look down on others for "seasons" to come.

 It's like an armor clad Prius monster truck for your head.

Dickstarter

So I get an email.  It's titled "Dickstarter Project."

It does not go straight to junk mail.  I had to reset my filters to allow dickmail some time ago.  It's from Chris M.  I'm afraid to mention his full name since I think he has a real job that could be affected by consorting with the wrong types of people.  I don't think they can google his face, so let's say he's not the guy who looks like Dejay or is me in our TSE line-up photo:

Chris M is one of those guys with a brain.  When he doesn't leave it at home and go stage racing with a bunch of miscreant single speeders in Central PA, he puts it to use.

He saw the Fix-It-Sticks I blahged about last week and that were featured on Kickstarter..

He scratched his head.  He thought up a thought, and he thought it up quick.

The blue manpurse is a Tülbag (obviously, we all have one by now).  The rest?

Sliding t-bar for 1/4" square sockets

Knurled finger twister-sticker thing

Dewalt magnetic hex bit extender

Hex bits/T-25

Total retail cost?  Less then $20 if you're of a thrifty sort.

Weight?  176 grams.

"Well," you say, "that's much heavier than the Fix-It Sticks' weight of 51 grams."

"Well," I say, "piss off then."

Chris M's Dicks-It-Dicks have as many bits as you like (Chris likes eight), so figure that means two sets of sticks.  Now you're at 102 grams worth of the competitor's tools.

But what do Dicks-It-Dicks have that Fix-It-Sticks don't, other than an extra 74 grams and (assuming the retail price of one set of F-I-S being in the neighborhood of $25+) a savings that will buy you three six packs of Happy Ending... because what else would you spend it on?

The sliding t-bar allows you a little wiggle room in tight places, and the purple "knurled finger twister-sticker thing" allows you enough leverage (w/o the t-bar) to get into even tighter places AND it's purple.

The bits are replaceable and totally customizable.  You probably already have seven sets of them laying at the bottom of a forgotten toolbox, thus reducing additional out of pocket expenditures.

I'm pretty sure if you were a true "single speeder," you could figure out a way to smoke your weed with this set-up.

Chris M would not do that.

I'm not saying you shouldn't buy Fix-It-Sticks.  What I'm saying is that Chris M isn't going to buy them... and he's not telling you to smoke weed his version either.

I'm also saying you should buy a Tülbag, regardless.  You can safely stash your Fix-It-Sticks or your Dicks-It-Dicks, or you could put your weed in there.

Fortunate Misfortunes

This does go all over, I apologize in advance.

Friday 8:00AM.  I was sitting in the dentist's chair looking out the window at The Fastest Bike in the World racked on the back of the Fit of Rage.  I realized that despite the fact that the freezing rain was coming, I did not want to drive from here to work only to get back in the car at 5:10PM to sit in the inevitable rush hour enhanced by shit weather traffic (there were over 200 accidents in Charlotte that day due to road conditions).  As soon as I got out of the appointment, I drove home, grabbed the Fjire Mare, and rode to work, arriving 22 minutes late, but with no car ride between the big buildings and home when the shit would hit the fan later.

2:21PM.  The email went out.  They shut the firm down early.  Unreal. They never do that.  It was fortunate since the schools released the kids early and The Pie was leaving town mid-afternoon.  I had to wait for the mail to be processed before I could run it nine blocks down to the main post office.  By the time I got there, I already have a crusty layer of ice frozen to me.

I forgot how quickly the braking surface gets iced over on a rim-braked bike in rain @ 25°.  The ride home would be interesting.  My shoes were soaked as were my old, worthless rain knickers, but fortunately a layer of solid ice made them windproof.  I decided to slightly detour on the way home to stop at the Common Market to see if Happy Ending had hit the shelves yet.

It had.

I got a few strange looks as my ice layer shattered while I moved about the store.
"You look miserable.  I hope you're dry."

"I'm not either."

Back out into it I went.

By the time I got home, most everything hurt.

My heart did warm when I saw this:

Slightly used Shower's Pass convertible rain pants/knickers from Dan Hensley.  Woulda came in handy earlier.  Ironic.  They didn't fit him even though they were mediums and should have.  I looked at them closely.  They were women's pants.  Apparently I am a medium woman.

The cold I thought I was getting earlier this week finally caught up to me.  I hopped in the shower with a beer, ate dinner with a beer, and passed out on the couch while watching Open Season 3 with Fajita at 7:45PM.

Saturday 8:45AM.  The decision was made to skip trail work.  The  trails would be frozen, Fajita's getting over a cold, and I'm getting deeper into mine.  Headed out to Bike Source to pick up the 15mm roof rack adapter that I have said about before, "If you have a thru-axle fork AND don't own adapter, you're just being an asshole."

I was reminded of that just a week ago as my Stumpjumper FSR EVO was awkwardly dangling off the back of a trunk rack secured with a strange bungee device the likes of which I had never seen before.

Saturday 12:30PM.  I had to take Fajita to Russian School.  Long story there.  To kill a couple of hours, I headed to the library, but ended up walking on the old trails in the surrounding woods.  Things have changed.  The XC trails are just a faint line in the woods.  The young ones have been busy though, resurrecting old lines in their particular...

idiom.

Huge, video-worthy dirt jumps.  These kids are made of rubber.  They were out there digging.  Not sure what they thought of the old guy wandering around in the woods creepin'.

Pick up Fajita, go home, stay awake for movie, attempt to kill cold with more Happy Ending.

Sunday 10:30AM.  We decided to knock out the family shopping so The Pie could come home and relax.  On the way to the stores, I see that same bungee cord that secured my bike just a week ago lying in the street.  Fit of Rage in reverse, grab it, and return it to my neighbor Todd's porch.  It's haunting me now.

I was originally planning on racing short track in order to get a ride in while The Pie was outta town, but I was hoping something would happen that would be my solid impetus to participate.  It didn't happen.  Something about a "seal tank."  I did not now that problems with a large aquarium could affect my day, but they did.

We went to the race to spectate instead, with Chubby Buddy in tow.

Looking back, it was a weekend of things happening for a reason.  Had The Pie not gone away, I woulda went to Icycle, pushed myself too hard in more ways than one, and I'd probably be in the hacking stages of a cold... just like I did last year.

Had I been happily dry in rain pants on Friday, I may not have detoured on the way home looking for liquid solace. BTW: I bought another couple six packs of Happy Ending on Saturday, got home, unpacked them... someone had swapped one for a standard IPA.  Fucking hooligans.

Had something not happened to the "seal tank," I woulda followed through on my racing plans and spent 45 minutes sucking in cold air and pushing my health back a few more days.  Instead, Chubby Buddy had a big day out, and he was super stoked on the experience.  I love that fat POS.

Tires, goop, and being "in cars"

Since what I wanted to write about can't be written about because it didn't happen yet, I have to dip into a topic that I shoulda written about some time ago.

Back in September of two ought eleven, I bought my first MAXXIS 2.4 Ardent.  I was more than pleased with the tire's performance on my rigid single speed.  Fast rolling, plenty of volume, obnoxiously huge logos...

As happy as I was with this shift in my front tire paradigm, I requested sponsorship from MAXXIS for the two ought twelve season.  Aside from a short stint on a prototype MAXXIS 29'er DH tire, I ran the Ardent 2.4 exclusively all year long.

I should probably knock on wood when I say this, but I never flatted the Ardent up front once.  Not one flat over sixteen plus months.  That makes me happy.  My previous front tire of choice had let me down multiple times in the past.  To be fair, the Ardent is @50 grams heavier than that tire, but its rolling resistance feels lower, so I just ignore the scale.  To be even fairer, I ran my previous selection for the greater part of five years, so exposure time-wise I realize my results are scientifically skewed.  That said, there were plenty of moments over the course of last "season" when I felt the tire smash against the rim at my preferred pressure of 16.9 PSI and nothing happened more than a bitten lower lip.
Well, there was one tiny hole in my tire after last year's Trans-Sylvania Epic that I didn't even notice until I got home days later that sealed right up with a little jiggling.  I wasn't terribly surprised since TSE eats tire for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and late night snacks.

I would be slightly remiss to give my tires credit for an almost entirely flat free-season.

I can't remember when I started running Slime Pro in my tires.  It's been some time, but my luck with it has me sticking to it in two ought thirteen.

How has it been working for me?

Tire sealant is like a deer whistle on your car.  If you ever saw a deer running away from the side of the road holding his hooves to his ears screaming in discomfort, you would know your money was well spent at Auto Zone.

But you won't see that.

You'll never know how many small holes and nicks in your tire are sealed with the mysterious liquid sloshing around inside your rubber donuts.  The only time you know it works is when you get a larger cut, sticky liquid spews all about, and somehow you roll away with a sealed tire and a smile.

And sometimes the cut is too big.  My only flat that I had to address last year was on Little French Gulch at the Breck Epic.  I have now flatted my rear tire there two of the four times I have descended it in a dangerous manner.  That's a 50% failure rate, which means that if we go down it this year, I may just slow down a little bit.

This is the only photo of Little French Gulch I could find (in thirty seconds of searching).

image stolen from here

This person is going the wrong way.  Also, Little French Gulch gets worse the further you go down.

Anyways, I'm getting off topic here.

The one thing I do notice about Slime Pro is that is does not dry out as quickly as the sealant I was formerly using.  I'll remove a tire, carefully slurp up as much sealant as possible, toss it under my workbench, and months later the inside of the tire is still moist.  I have yet to pull a dried-up alien booger out of my tire since I started using Slime Pro.

So, if I were grading sealant on the deer whistle scale, I've had one collision, one close call, and an unknown amount of deer running off into the woods in absolute ear agony.

Tomorrow I'm out the door early for a dentist appointment, so I'm skipping the blahging.  Since I'm trying to squeeze this cleaning in before I start work at 9:00AM, I'm driving my car tomorrow to the appointment and then work.  That means at 5:10PM tomorrw, I will be in rush hour traffic with all the other people in cars driving in a wintery mix which always ensures carmageddon in the streets of Charlotte.

Last week when I rode home in the cold rain past all the stopped traffic, I was singing this song:



I don't think I'll be singing tomorrow.

Three Rides

Saturday ride.

I wanted to sleep in and wait for the sun to warm the earth.  Our local trails were going to be a mess from recent rains, so the mountains had to be it.  Unfortunately, I couldn't get anybody to agree to go west (until it was too late), so I hopped in on my neighbor Todd's planned ride in the Uwharrie to the east... at an unfortunate 8:00AM.

Within the first few miles, I had already endured three pedal strikes on the Stumpjumper FSR EVO.  Visions of an all mountain hard tail danced in my head.  I don't know why I finally starting thinking things through, but I did.  I was being lazy and riding around with the rear shock in the descend mode 90% of the time.  My thinking being that I used to ride 6" travel bikes without fiddling with my bits way back when, so why would I mess with it now?

Because it's 2013, not 2004.

Swapping the Fox Float CTD over to the Trail Mode was quite the revelation.  No more wallowing around deep in the travel while trying to maneuver the bike.  Most of the irritating monster truck feeling was gone.  The rest of the ride was a much more pleasant affair, although Uwharrie is hardly the testing grounds for a 130mm rear end.
Am I a moron for finally trying something different?

Yes.   Apparently they have instructions for these things.

Sunday ride.

After overloading my jersey pockets (and any other place I could think of) with the essentials, I headed out the door to join Jon Danger Evans for a ride over to the short track race.

The ride was casual, the weather was perfect, the spectating was spectacular.

photo cred: Paul Cunningham

You can't feel hungover by 8:00PM unless you start early.

No racing for me that day, but if the stars line up this Sunday, I may as well too.

Monday bonus ride.

The plan was to meet Eric "PMBAR Honcho" Wever in the "much more convenient to someone who's driving from Asheville than from Charlotte" Kitsuma parking lot.  He had Mike "I've never even heard of Facebook" Brown with him as well.  Before the ride, I told Eric about my problems with my rear end.  He gave me even more shock lessons, and we were on our way.  The plan was to spend four or so hours in the saddle approaching Heartbreak Ridge from Old Toll Rd.  Mike Brown had another idea, so we did some 'splorin' on the way up.

photo cred: Eric

Never seen this before.  Now I have.

The climb up was as arduous as ever.  Discussions were had when someone was in earshot, the wind howled when alone.

photo cred: Eric

At the trailers, we stopped for a break before dropping into the nasty that is Upper Heartbreak.  If the only time you do Heartbreak is when you do ORAMM, you owe it to yourself to see this portion of the trail.  As one friend described it, "It looks like someone took a fire hose to it."

Loose rock chunder.  Almost impossible to rally the section.  I've seen things get pretty ugly in there.

Down the mountain, only two incidents "off the bike," and a stop for frozen braking fingers.

Everyone safe, we rolled the final climb at a talking pace.  Time check.  A quick text to The Pie, and I find out I have time for a bonus Kitsuma loop.

photo cred: Eric

Of course I forgot the third water bottle I had left strapped to my Raxter just in case I had time for Kitsuma.  What remained of my two bottles would have to do (it didn't).   So much fun to snag the bonus descent. So much pain fighting the headwind, cramps, and a deadline on the way back up to the car.

Thanks, Eric and Mike B!!

This and that before other stuff

Before I do the whole "weekend in review thing," I wanna go somewhere else today.  Matters that seem a bit more timely.

The King of Pisgah Series.  Talking to Eric "PMBAR Honcho" Wever yesterday whilst ironically riding all over the general area of ORAMM, I found out the series is almost sold out.  Considering the only info available about the series is that you have to do all five events to be in, that's rather amazing.  For those that have no idea just how hard it will be to complete the task at hand, I present to you this Hitler video by Kris Kjellquist.  I know you're thinking you've seen too many of these "Hitler videos," but I assure you that you haven't.



Obviously locals will find more humour in this than the Pisgah inexperienced.  Among other things discussed with Eric yesterday were the routes for the Pisgah 111K and the next day's Pisgah 55.5K.  This year the 111K will start with an up-and-over on Black Mountain and end the same way.  The 55.5K will also end with an up-and-over on Black Mountain. Upon hearing this, I considered beating Eric with a mini pump and leaving him in the woods, but I only had a CO2 cartridge which would have required a great investment of time and effort to produce the same results.  Ironic, huh?

The King of Pisgah Series ain't gonna be a joke.  I thought about trying to add up how many hours of racing will be involved, but quickly realized I did not wanna know.  Pisgah hours/miles are like dog years. 

And there was also this item I wanted to bring up:

I first saw the Fix It Sticks on Bike Rumor.  This is yet another idea being funded (it met its goals) on Kickstarter.  I do think it is brilliant.  I have shared in the past that I only carry loose allens in my Tülbag.

A 4, 5, 6, with an attachment for an 8mm.  That covers almost every bolt on my SINGLE SPEED, save for brake lever reach adjustment and rotor bolts, which I have learned are best tightened before the ride.  The Fix It Sticks would make a tidy solution, not to mention offer plenty of leverage on the bolts that hold tension on an EBB or slider equipped SS.

One set of sticks would serve me well...

But now I have that annoying squishy/shifty bike that I don't think I'm going to sell right away.  I now use the larger (and newer and only one available) Tülbag filled with shit like a spare hanger, spare links (when I get around to picking them up at Bike Source), and a multi-useless tool.  When I tried to use my multi-useless tool last week to adjust my brake levers, I couldn't get the hunk of shit in tight quarters.  I've had similar experiences in the past, not to mention too-short bits and not enough leverage.  This is the main reason I carry multiple allens and "invented" a method with which to carry them without risking loss or pokeage, thus the inspiration for the original Tülbag.

So, I look at something like the Fix It Sticks and wonder if it's the solution to the problem. Then I think it out.  My multi-useless tool has 13 bits and a chain tool.  I would say at least ten of the bits fit my bike, a couple I could live without.... meaning I would need four Fix It Sticks.  At the Kickstarter early supporter's pricing, you're looking at $45 for a set of four that come with pre-determined bits (that don't suit my needs) or $55 for a custom set that basically would.

What's a multi-useless tool cost nowadays?

So I asked a question on Bike Rumor, but not on Kickstarter (since I would have to create an account and I'm afraid everybody is trying to steal my information because I'm old).

"I’m wondering what the final price point will be. Normally projects on kickstarter offer a bit of a break for people who support the project. At $25 (min) for a set with predetermined bits, does that mean we’re talking about a $30 item?

I hate most multi-tools,and carry loose allens (4,5,6 and a press-on 8mm fitting) in a Tülbag. I see this design as superior to that option, but I’m wondering about the eventual success of the product. With so many multi-tools offering way more tools from $20-30, selling a four tool set for @$30 may not be easy. It is a more functional design in many aspects, especially tight places and bolts needing leverage, but one would have to purchase at least two sets to cover all the bases that a standard $30 tool does AND a chain tool.

Trying to think like a consumer."

I just quoted myself... whatever.

I am wondering if I'll get an answer.  I think the Fix It Sticks are a damn fine solution to a problem, but a damn expensive one.  I know that from the outside, a consumer can't sometimes fathom all the costs involved in the creation of a final product, so bitching about a "25 ¢ hunk of plastic that costs $40" isn't always fair.  R&D, prototyping, molds... it adds up and we ignorant (me included) consumers just bitch and moan.

So maybe the price is justified by production expenses and the superiority of the final product.  It's pretty ingenious, and so far my multi-useless tool has been nothing but training weight.  I'm still considering buying in, even though a trip to the hardware store and @ $6 would fill the rest of my squishy/shifty needs.

Or I could end up with yet another multi-useless tool in the bottom of my toolbox.

Thoughts?*


*Not that they matter here.

All Hail the (not) King

Wow.  Last night, I rode home in the shitty rain after a shitty day at work.  On the way to my house, I went to the shitty store and they still didn't have any Happy Ending on their shitty shelves.  Then I watched a shitty person talk about his shitty life while I made shitty comments on Facebook and got shitty.

That was yesterday.

Today is not about shit, it's about being "the shit."

The King of Pisgah

I just signed up this week.

I'll admit, I don't believe that I could be the one true King of Pisgah.  There will be some stiff competition for the series and at every single race since Eric "PMBAR Honcho" Wever has $11,000 in total CASH prizes this year.  The King AND Queen both get a $2,000 reward for their efforts.  The incentive of cold cash is really gonna push the pace at the front.  To make matters worse, I'll be on my single speed.  I can't beat guys like Sam Koerber and Garth Prosser unless they have a very bad day (I've taken advantage of those opportunities in the past).  Whether or not I beat King of the Pastie White Bearded Hill People,Wes Dickson, just depends on if this is a training year or not.  I'm hoping not.  Then there's the Kelly Klett's and Mark Sackett's of the world, who probably won't let being on a single speed stand in their respective ways...


So why do it?  For fun.  I was going to do PMBAR and the Pisgah 111K anyways.  I missed my chance to do Monster Cross when my dog got all strokey the morning of the race last year.  I have yet to finish the Double Dare in my two thwarted attempts.  And this new 55.5K THE DAY AFTER THE 111K????

Here's the plan:

Try hard to finally put in a respectable finish at PMBAR with Zac.  No wooden nickels, no broken axles, top five or death.

Try hard to defend my single speed win at the Pisgah 111K.

 not missing any opportunity to post a podium photo

This will difficult, but what else I can do with the small amount of self respect that I'll start "the season" out with?

Drink the night after the 111K, thus making the next day's 55.5K a little more epic.

Monster Cross.  I'm not big on "gravel grinders," but I do need to put this notch in my belt.  Expect quite the laissez faire attitude here.  I will ride the course, probably on my mountain bike for comfort's sake, and then drink beer.  Embrace low expectations.

Double Dare.  My main goal will be to help my partner Jana Morris secure the Queen of Pisgah title.

Why partner with Jana?  She asked me first, Sadie Hawkins style.  I just wanna finish it and check it off the list.  No missing the first day's midnight cut-off by ten minutes after going for the win on fixed gears for over twelve hours and no torn sidewall followed by an eighteen mile ride of shame and nine hours of keg emptying good times by the fire.

FYI: There are still spots open for the King and Queen of Pisgah, but PMBAR is sold out (in just a day).  If you sign up for the KQOP, you can still get into PMBAR, but that is the ONLY way.

And lastly, I got my SchwagBox the other day.

Ten bucks a month, this is a sample of what you get.  Some will mock it, others will appreciate it for what it is.  Myself, although I'll dump thousands of dollars into a bike I know I might end up feeling lukewarm about, I rarely try new products like these.  Not sure what my hang up is, but I don't wanna stare at a barely used tub of embro on my shelf for the next ten years.

But now I will try some embrocation, as well as the GU Brew.  The chamois cream?  We all know I'm about That Butt Stuff, but I guess I can cheat three times.  Pro Link?  Dick Bruceman keeps me well lubed with Pro Gold product, so I will pass this bottle on to a dry chained local.  The Do More Bar will be tossed in my pack and consumed the next time I get hungry, thus saving me $1.40 some time in the future.

So is SchwagBox worth it?  There's more than $10 retail sitting in that pile, so if you look at it that way...

Yes.

If I choke on the energy bar and get an all-over body rash from mixing embro with the crack wax?

I suggest you use the contents of your Schwagbox separately.

The Good, the Bad, and the Meh

One and what some might call a "half" rides on the new Stumpjumper FSR EVO29'er is not enough to pass some kind of judgement.

That will not stop me from doing so.

Let's start with the good.

The XX1 was flawless.  No dropped chains, no noise, and no mis-shifts.  It clunked around all day as it should.  The Grip Shift can be actuated without taking my finger off the brake or giving up my grip on the bars by moving my thumb.  An earnest flick of the wrist is all it takes to move up or down one gear.  Having the ability to dump a shit ton of gear at the top of a climb and attack when needed?  Very nice.

The XTR brakes are bomber.  I knew that already.  I did have to adjust the reach back a bit further when I got home, but that's it.  Better with the Shimano Ice Tech rotors?  Time will tell.

The FOX34 140mm FLOAT is cheating.  I really, really, really liked it.  Stiff, plush, massive travel gobbling shit up... soooo sweet.

The frame?   Hrrmmm...  It's stiff as expected, I love having a water bottle again, and look at this convenient carrying handle for portages:

The squishy bits?  That comes later.
Of course it was the maiden voyage of my Industry Nine Torch Trail 24 wheelset.

Stiff, light, pink, fast engaging... what I've come to expect.  I'll be interested to know how the improvements made in an effort to prolong bearing life and reduce maintenance work out.  Time will tell.

The bad?

I loved having a drooper post, but that said, I think I'm eating my words on the whole "multi-positions would be better than infinite positions" thing.  The top position is perfect for 95% of the fast descending I would normally do, but the slammed position I can only see being helpful in the shit-my-pants steep stuff.  Getting it down in a panic as I'm already shitting my pants is no easy task.  I'm holding on for dear life, and the idea of removing my opposable thumb from under the bars to over and then slamming my ass down past the point of slammation to release the lever and get the saddle back up to proper position?  Not really gonna happen unless I stop altogether, thus defeating the purpose of the drooper.  I woulda just wanted a position slightly above the second and above the last the whole time.  I'm being picky.  It's what I do.

The chainstay length.  My Dickstickel Meatplow V.6 has skewed my reality.  I love short stays, like 16" and change stays.  The Stumpjumper is a hair shy of 18" and rides like it.  The bike just plain smashes through shit like a hero, but when it comes time to shake and dance, it just keeps smashing.

When I used the Auto-Sag feature on the rear shock, electric blue goo shot out of the valve.  The manual did not say that was a normal part of the operation, so it caused me some concern.  I would say that Auto-Sag did put me in the right ballpark though.

The meh?

The whole way-too-long set up of the Grip Shift side did affect my hand placement a bit.  Fortunately, someone named Joe reached out to me on MTBR, and now I haz my blanking ring.

That can and will be fixed whenever I get around to it.

The other meh?

So much of what's going on here.  While the gears were nice for adding speed on the descents, they bugged the shit outta me all day.  If I was standing and climbing like I was on a single speed, I was in the 32 X 14, 16, or 18.  Not ideal.  If I was sitting and spinning, I felt just as tired but found myself moving way slower.

When I was flying down the trail, it was like driving a trophy truck.  When I tried to make a quick move at slow speed, it was like I was driving a bread truck.  Chainstay length, 130mm of travel, big wheels, poor skill-set... so many variables to look at.

As I drove home alone from the mountains, I looked at the bike in the rear view mirror trying to think of the purpose for this machine.  It's to early too feel awash with regret and buyer's remorse.  This thing will act as my road bike, the thing I ride to take a break from "mountain biking"... without all the cars and whatnot.

I'm not gonna say that I haven't looked at a few all-mountain, SS'able hard tails since Saturday.  Since the fjork gives me a huge bike boner, the wheels are adaptable to SS and other axle configurations,  and the gears only leave me feeling just a few degrees above lukewarm, I know I can salvage the good parts and continue to cleave things away until I find happiness... relatively speaking.

For all that, the new bike gets my...

SEAL OF SEMI-APPROVAL

It's alright.  I realize I am a jaded, morose, unappreciative, predictable, spoiled asshole, but I gotta try new things once and awhile.  My first single speed ride was a nightmare, and I didn't revisit the concept for three more years after that miserable experience.  I don't want to live in a bubble, but I must say, it's very nice in here.

Not for sale... yet

So the cherry was popped on the Stumpjumper this past Saturday.  The Dude, Kurt, Nick, Joey and I made for the mountains of NC... after a bachelor inefficient stop at the Common Market for breakfast.  Wilson's Creek was made for single speeders, most of the climbs can be easily done with a 32X18 (38X21 if you're into science), and there's a certain smugness when the shuttle bitches roll by... similar to the smugness they feel sitting in their trucks while laughing at the skinny assholes in lycra riding up the climbs.

 

The big paved nasty up 181 left me in an unhappy place.  The bike was as efficient as it could be, what with the front/rear set in CLIMB mode on he way up.  I, on the other hand, was terribly inefficient.   Seeing the single speeders ahead, I stomped the pedals madly in a gear much larger than 32X18.  The smarter geared riders took their time, and I was in the middle of them all, frustrated and alone.

At least the ground breaking single speeders waited for us at the over look.

"Ground breaking,"  you say?

Yes, they were both on 26" single speeds.  I had no idea it could be done.  Nick was full of win that day.

How much win?  Purple skinny jeans, PBR cycling cap, S-Works steel frame, 100mm of spacers under the stem, V-brakes, tubes (what are those?), and some kinda hip-purse.  He rocked it all; Greentown, Beehive, Sinkhole, FTW!

Joey was almost full of win, but his attempt to throw his borrowed single speed into the ravine was looked down upon, literally and figuratively, by all in our group.

Wilson's was a bit on the slippery side.  The balls to the wall, puffy dry leaves descending I had dreamed about will have to wait for another day.  There were many instances of bodies touching the floor, and mine own instance was on an uphill.   Meh.

I'll get into the how the bike rode later... like Thursday later.

The duration of the ride went well past my nutritional needs.  I had to rush home for a date, so I skipped the post-ride foodings, drove as many as seven miles an hour over the speed limit, got home, walked in the door, had a beer snack in the shower, and headed right back out.  Sunday morning, I ate another nonsensical, protein laden breakfast and then rode the Stumpjumper to the short track race to watch the action and inspect the jump I built last week.

Beers were drank, taunting occurred, heckling ensued, Marcus Barton provided the entertainment.

His jump was fine, his landing a little off, and the navigation of his upper body between two tightly spaced trees was brilliant.  If only he coulda got his bike through as well.

After a full day in the woods with hot laps in between races, I was spent.  Once again, my tank was completely empty.  Around 5:30PM, on the way home, I wanted to lay down in someone's yard and die.

That's a good weekend.

Like I said, Thursday... bullet points on the new bike and projected for-sale dates and prices.

It didn't complete me, but I completed it

I had trouble sleeping Thursday night.

I was excited.  The bike would be coming together on Friday.  Assuming the new Industry Nine Trail 24 wheels with Torch hubs show up at my house.

They did.

I had to kinda beg to get them before the weekend.  They were hoping to wait until after the product launch to ship them to me, being that I'm an internet whore and might spill their beans.  Thus the threat of death scribbled onto the box.  The FedEx lady loves when I get packages.

So I came home in a big hurry, unboxed the wheels, and got to building... sorta.

I did throw both wheels on the scale first.

800 grams for a rear wheel that's stiffer than a donkey boner.  710 for the front... just trust me.

More about the wheels later.

The build was smooth for the most part, but not entirely.  Not wanting to clamp the upper part of my drooper hard enough to work on the bike (told not to), and too lazy to raise the post high enough to clamp the lower portion, I left the bike on the floor.  Working on the rear derailleur like an auto mechanic on a creeper was not ideal.  I missed the routing and gave myself a few hurdles to overcome chasing down a problem I created.  I blame SRAM and their manuals that are more cartoonish pictograms than directions. 

Then while adjusting the rear derailleur, and might I add, ONLY derailleur, I was spinning the cranks with the right XTR pedal in my hand as I focused my attention to the chain moving across the cassette.  Then the world came undone on the end of the bike I wasn't looking at.  I felt the bike let go of me.

My pedal fell off the spindle.  I'd seen slightly smaller female riders break the axles on the newer XTR's, but given the fact that my original set is going strong two+ years later, I was hardly worried about my less than one year old set.  Pissed at my nice pedals that I brag up on (VS those with "great customer service"), content in the knowledge that the ones I've known about had been warrantied, I just mounted up my XT Trail pedals and moved on relieved that it happened in my bike room as opposed to on the trail.

Some time around 8:30PM, the bike was done.  By done, I mean I was too lazy to bother shortening the lines.  I had been able to shorten my other four XTR brakes without bleeding, but I didn't want to risk it being that I wasn't in the mood to learn how to bleed XTR's at 10:00PM.  Ride plans in the mountains were finalized for the next day.

I was excited as a kid on Christmas eve, up every couple hours looking at the clock.  At 4:22AM, I woke up and thought about my brake lines...

I flashed back and remembered that Eric "PMBAR Honcho" Wever once rode with extremely long brake lines, got it caught up in his front wheel/fork on a hard compression, and took a nasty digger.

I was up.

Brake lines shortened with an hour to go, I drank a second pot of coffee and headed out the door towards Wilson's Creek.

More about the ride tomorrow.