Ending the ending of La Vida Bachelor, Fall 2013

Friday.  Although I got off at 5:00PM, I needed to ride all the way home before heading over to The Spoke Easy for their 2 Year Anniversary Party.  So instead of a 2.5 mile ride and a 5:12 arrival time, I was treated to back-to-back 5 and 8 mile individual time trials.  Dog fed and shat in the middle of the ride portions of my evening and somehow I still made it to a stool by 5:54PM.

Beer ensued. The alley cat started.  Beer continued.

We were told it was time to head over to the secret venue for the Gold Sprints where the fastest male and female finishers would duke it out for top honors.  It was a strange place...

I saw my old DeBernardi there.

I saw my old Bagaboo bag there.

I'm not sure why this is on my phone, but I saw a purse there.

And why does it seem like I can't go anywhere without seeing Dip n' Spray's coin purse.

The evening lasted forever.  Some magnificent bastards won, I am certain.  Was it Dandy Don Butler on top for the men?  That couldn't have happened.

Dancing.  Sorry.  Man in the Box comes on and that happens.

After the real racing was over, I accepted a few challenges to the Gold Sprints.  I think I was only challenged by women.

Almost positive that I never won.

Mike Pierce was in town and came along with The Wonderboy back to my house.  As logic would suggest, we shotgunned a Tallboy before heading home.  Down a long stretch of Marsh Street, The Wonderboy and I pulled over.  Where's Mike?

I call him.  No answer.  I text him my address.

We hear footsteps loud in the distance.  Mike's running.

"Is everything good with your bike?"

"Yeah.  I'm just too drunk to ride it.  It's not safe."

"Do you have any idea how far away my house is? It's really far."

"I'll be okay."

And so began our very long walk home.  At close to the halfway point, we stopped at a gas station.  A cab was summoned to scoop Mike so we could all get home quicker.  The cab arrived, looked at Mike, looked at the bike, and said "no."

Back to walking.

I don't know what time we left the party.  I do know it was about an 8 mile journey.  I also know that we got home at 4:00AM with more red clay mud on us than one would have expected.

I slept until 10:52AM.  The Wonderboy was already gone.  After downing much coffee, I drove Mike back to his truck.  A couple hours later, The Wonderboy sent me a text with a link to a Craigslist ad.

Have you seen this man pushing his bike around (mostly falling over it) in your neighborhood?
I assure you he is not aggressive
nor does he suffer from severe brain trauma...well, I know for sure that he's not aggressive.

If spotted, do not try to approach him. He spooks easily. From the safety of your vehicle, point him towards the Pisgah national forest. Apparently he can navigate his way out of dense wooded areas fine, but quickly becomes confused when in a metropolitan area.

He does not respond to voice commands very well, but a laser pointer or jingling keys should suffice in holding his attention long enough for you to point in the general direction of western nc and say "GIT"! That should be enough to get him moving.



Please do not place him inside of a wet paper bag as he will surely become trapped.