I can spread jelly like nobody's bizness

Last year about this time, I had the worst case of diarrhea ever at the BC Bike Race.

Two years ago, it was the Sun Valley, ID experience... no diarrhea, but day after day of ride, drink, ride, drink, repeat.

Three years ago, that was the last time I did the Tour de Burg.  Now I am ready to go back... sorta.

I spent part of my day getting the "cross bike" set up for a hundred miles of pavement and gravel.  I don't think I can really call it a "cross bike" since it's never been raced at a cyclocross race, so I guess it's just a bike.  Anyways, 100 miles in the Harrisonburg area bombing down shit normal people won't ride road bikes on... a backup backup tube is needed.

And a ten speed link because... I dunno.  Because I have one.

While tooling around my bike room looking for the spare link, my attention was diverted by the ASS Cracker that was sitting there unused on my mantle.

The Angry had gifted it to me at the Trans-Sylvania Epic almost a month ago, even though I told him it wouldn't fit on my VerDickgo Meatplow V.7 .  That setup is too custom.  Only 2mm of adjustment to play with.  No room for 4.8mm of bottle opening goodness.

No way for it to fit it under the inverted stem (because) on the Dickstickel Meatplow V.6.  Interference.  Woulda been nice to have a bottle opener on the Pisgah bike since I'm not as worried about weight with that bike, but honestly, if I was carrying a beer in Pisgah, it would be in a can.

So where to stick it?

The Misfit diSSent Brontoawesomeous Meatplow V.5 was hanging on the wall.  Semi-built. Semi-not.  The crabon frok had been borrowed.  Wheels sold.  Saddle misplaced.  Still, I wondered it if would fit. 

It did.  So a project began just because I was looking for a place to put the ASS Cracker.

And then it was done.  I haven't had a machine like this since I loaned out the Meatplow V.4 on a permanent basis.  It's more fun to scoot around on than the Fastest Bike in the World, but it's not the coaster bike of my (current) dreams.  Whatever.  It's a bike.

Oh, and after all that effort that started with strapping another tube on my "cross bike," I think I'm really leaning towards leaving it at home and skipping the road day.  I love the camraderie, but I really hate road riding... to the hundred mile mark more specifically.  I think I could pleasantly tool around the mountains for forty, maybe even fifty miles.   Beyond that, it would only be for the pride of doing the "full pull" at the Tour.

Pride.  I've used up most of my year's supply of it already and need to save some for the Pisgah Monster Cross and Double Dare.  SRSLY.

Now to ask Le Directeur if he'll accept my volunteership at manning the peanut butter and jelly station on the road stage