What had happened was...

Not very bike related at all, but the following is a true story.

The Pie and I went to bed Saturday night planning on "doing the stores" the following day.  What with the incoming doom storm threatening to moisten the entire day, what else would there be to do?

So I wake up a little early thinking mebbe I squeeze a bike ride in before the deluge.  Turn on the TV... see a banner scroll by on the bottom of the news screen... Trader Joe's is closed... for Easter?

I guess it's Easter.

Check Target.  Closed as well.

The Pie awakes and I give her the bad news.  She gives me some back.

"Well, Pester needs more insulin, and the only place we can get it is at the Walmart across town.  We could just combine the trips."

Walmart.  For my own reasons, I don't go there.

Looks like I'm going now tho.

I got in a Whole Backyard in a Day kinda ride before we had to leave, the rain chances getting bumped back to 1:00 PM.

#blessed

Then The Pie and I grabbed our masks (we're doing this, right?) and headed to Walmart.  This is where the story ramps up.

Get to Walmart, don our masks, walk in... I'm already confused by the starting gate scenario after I grabbed my cart.  Also, we got a shitty cart with a wobbly wheel.  I've already linked myself to it and whichever germs are on it, so here we go.  Wobble, wobble, wobble... I'm a freight train of unstoppable grocery procuring.  Through the unfamiliar aisles, gathering things that aren't quite what we want but what we get.  Wandering through my fellow Walmart shoppers, some masked but mostly not.  Some completely unaware of social distancing, others dodging, ducking, and diving.  Back to where the paper products are, and lo and behold, there's toilet paper.  We're coming up short on our personal supply.  Also paper towels, which are also on the list of things we'll run out of soon.  Toss them on the bottom of the shitty cart and keep moving.

Wobble, wobble, wobble... but with great speed.

Since we're in a Super Fucking Walmart (they're all pretty super, I'm sure), health and beauty, dog food and the pharmacy are multiple klicks away, past the clothes and hardware and office supplies.  The racket my cart is making at high speeds is deafening, yet I keep it at ramming speed.

Drop The Pie in health and beauty and head to dog supplies.  In an effort to keep her aware of which aisle I'm in, I park out in the main lane and prop up the Breck Epic aid station bag in an identifying manner.  Grab the dog food, get to the cart... and someone had horked the toilet paper out from under the paper towels.

FUCKER.

Ask The Pie to meet me in the pharmacy while I go fetch more TP, and she explains to me that she can't really do anything without money... and I have the credit card... and four apples of fury.  I take off in a huff with my shitty cart sounding out my sense of urgency.  Park the cart at the far end of the food next to some bubbly water... hurriedly flip flop my way back to the paper products... my glasses fogging up with my breath being bounced back into my face.  Grab one of the MANY REMAINING PACKS OF TOILET PAPER, flip flop, flip flop, flip flop back to the cart.  Go to toss the TP under the cart, and...

FUCKER.

Someone horked the paper towels.

Now I know, I can't leave my cart unattended at any moment.  Also, my desire to get out of this Walmart is an all-encompassing emotion.  The Pie is so far away, so I get my cart up to dive bomber speed, and make my way BACK TO THE PAPER PRODUCTS...

Where there's still plenty to go around, but this new world has no order or code.  I grab my one pack and turn back towards the pharmacy, what feels like hours after I'd last seen The Pie.

WOBBLE. WOBBLE. WOBBLE. WOBBLE. WOBBLE. WOBBLE. WOBBLE. WOBBLE. WOBBLE. WOBBLE. WOBBLE. WOBBLE. WOBBLE.

Parents pulling their children to safety.   All eyes and ears drawn to my fervor.

I finally get to The Pie, who is just helplessly standing near the pharmacy.  Get in line, barf out my story... at least she laughs.

Get the insulin, check out with our cart of not what we want but what we got, get outta the store, pull down the masks...

WTF was all that?

Hope you're all doing well, and also keep your eyes on your paper products, I guess.