Shenandoah Mountain 100 2020: Legends of the Fail

So pleasant, this staggered start is.  Instead of spinning my legs off wishing for a quick death as a welcome form of relief from a hangover and very little sleep, me and my happy grid compatriots hit the road at a sane pace.  Sure, some from the riders that started behind me are coming by me in spits and bursts, but it's so calm compared to the past many years.  I'm truly happy.

Off the pavement to the rolling gravel, and I'm watching my heart rate...

For the first time ever, I have that crazy ability to keep a watch on the burnt matches.  It's strange having the data right there telling me to back off and let the "race" come back to me later with matches still in the book for the burning.  We finally get on the first trail, and I like the group I'm in.  We're rolling mebbe ten deep, and we could go faster, but nobody's getting too aggressive.  Like some strange Covid-related truce, we're all just here to have a good time.

The train cars start slowly coming around the choo choo engine at the front, I get my chance, make my cordial pass... and before I know it, the descent down Narrowback is in front of me.  I've got empty trail and a great line of sight.  This does not happen in the normal world before the boomie booms fell, but today I'm gonna get the chance to let 'er rip.

I love this descent.  I've had the opportunity to ride it outside of the SM 100 a handful of times, and it's just another world entirely when there's no one in the way to slow you down.  I'm smiling.  I'm ripping.  I can't wait to do this all day long.

Psssss, psssss, pssss, pssssssss....

Fuck me.

I got a leak in my rear tire.  It should seal... I can hear it.   C'mon... c'mon.... c'mon...

Okay.  Not gonna happen.  No big deal.

Hop off the bike, look for the wet spot so I can see where to jam my Dynaplug in... nothing. 

Huh.

Find the hole by listening for the air, break out my Dynaplug Racer... try the Megaplug to see if the hole is big enough to accommodate it.  Nope.  Flip the tool over and jam in a regular size plug... but it's not enough, and obviously there's no sealant in the tire to seal the small gap.  I dig around in my Tülbag for the spare plugs I keep in a cut-down Bic pen... where the fuck are they?

The last few months of memories play in fast forward through my mind.

I mounted these tires back in... April(?) on my new Industry Nine 280c Hydra wheels because I decided I wasn't gonna save them for racing because who knew when that was coming back.  YOLO and all that.  Since then, I've ridden the Vassago Meatplow V.8 a lot more, and thusly, done the lion's share of maintenance on it.  New wheels, multiple tire swaps, bottom bracket bbearings... it's the bike I've been actively paying attention to.  The Vertigo Meatplow V.7 has been just fine whenever I ride it, so why pay any attention to it?

That and I had moved a lot of my repair kit to my fanny pack because I'd been doing loads of big fun rides and trips.  Zero racing.  Local rides with low consequences were the primary use for my "race" bike.

My spare tire plugs are at home.  On top of the work bench.  In a fanny pack.  I could find them with my eyes closed.  Just as could I grab the a liter of TruckerCo Cream II sealant out of the center drawer without looking.

A place for everything, and everything in its place.

So while I did stick tubes and CO2 in all three of my drop bags, I didn't even think to check over the first and second lines of defense for the most common mechanical problem that could ever happen.

As people ride past me asking if I need anything, I sink into a sad place full of remorse.  I'm so outta practice with this race prep thing... I always pulled a bead off and dump in more sealant if needed (or not),  I always looked through my Tülbag to check for the essentials.

Always.  Every. Fucking. Time.

Despite the fact that the Megaplug wouldn't fit the first time (before there was another plug even in the hole), I try and jam it in anyways... totally fubar'ing the plug to the point of uselessness.

Fine.  Just fine.  Let's just put in a tube.

Pull the bead off the rim, obvs it's totally dry inside.  Grab my tube, toss it in, CO2...

It's been so long, I forgot they kinda freeze to bare, sweaty hands.  Doh.  Mighta flubbed the delivery there a bit while pulling back in temporary shock.

The whole time, I'm watching everyone go by, making note of their number plates.  I'm seeing the last of the entire field pass me by the time I'm ready to take off again.  I jump on the back of a group of riders that are chatting the whole way down Narrowback.  I can't see asking them to let me go around.  What's the point?

I'm going through all the possible scenarios in my head.  I didn't get quite enough pressure in my tire with one CO2, but I didn't wanna use another one... I think there will be limited support at the bottom of this descent.  Floor pump mebbe?  I think I've seen that before?

I don't want to ride 90 miles on a tubed rear tire at basketball pressures.  22.5 PSI is my happy place for hardtail comfort.  I also don't wanna ride down Wolf Ridge on a tube... with no spare tube and no plugs.  I've flatted there before.  It's quite gnarly, and it's a long walk to anywhere... and I'm not gonna have a whole lotta people behind me to loan out stuff.  I also don't wanna ride like a toddler on a Strider bike down... the four or five serious descents that are still in front of me?  I don't know about you, but I ride a lot less aggressively once I've got a tube in my tire.  I've learned that lesson the hard way... multiple times.

*sigh*

Why am I even here?  I just wanted some normalcy.  A bike race.  To see some of the people I haven't been able to in... I don't even know how long it's been.  I said I was never coming back to race the SM 100 after I finished my tenth, but I just wanted something, and the race that's happening this next weekend that I could've done doesn't mesh with my strange work schedule.

Fuck.

I decide that I am done "racing" today.  Nothing really to prove to myself.  I came here for a good time... and a long time... but not a not-so-good and also slightly longer time.

TBC