'21 Trans-Sylvania Epic: Stage Three

We're headed to the one remote start for the week at RB Winter.  When people ask me what the stage will be like, I can only tell them that I don't like it.  Why?  I can't put my finger on it.  According to Ryan the promoter, RB Winter was the favorite stage amongst the 2019 participants.  I like the pizza at the end (I member this), but what is it about the riding part that chaps my ass?

Dunno.

Until I figure it out this time.

It starts with a dick punch of a climb (which I like) but then settles into some serious lollygagging.  By the time we pop out onto the paved road to a slight descent, I start getting that feeling of "Oh, yeah..."  I watch as SS'er Kenny simply coasts away from me and outta sight.  Trains of geared riders come by at a blistering pace, sometimes the caboose signaling for me to latch on.

But I can't.

Once the speeds are 19MPH or higher, there's little more than I can do than just sit there and wait for the road to end.

We get back into the woods...

and it takes me a certain amount of energy to get back up to Kenny.  The trail is chundery and mostly up and the rocks just seem to slap my turgid fork back in my face every coupla seconds.  Finally, we get to the Enduro segment.

I member.

We are rocking and rolling and hooting and hollering and passing riders as we bomb this nasty ass trail.  I get into the biggest rock garden of the entire segment and somehow with just a few bike lengths of fuckface rocks to go, the front of my bike just stops, the bars turn ninety degress, and I'm sailing through the air.  Fortunately, I landed in a soft pile of rocks.  Unfortunately, my bike did too.  I did my best to get outta the way of the following riders so I could assess the damage.  My flesh will heal, but I heard a snap that I thought might be a brake lever, but ended up being my computer mount.  My bell was smashed up into my right lever so I couldn't use my rear brake without spending some time twisting shit back into place.  My computer was leashed (what a useful $10 piece of string), so unloop it from my bars and pocket it.

Some background here.  I decided to buy a computer whilst doing this very stage in 2019.  I realized that if I was doing something that wasn't my particular forte, mebbe it would be nice to be able to tick off the miles and mebbe keep track of how long I was out there so mebbe I'd actually eat enough food stuffs to not just dig a hole, crawl in it, and pull the dirt back in over myself.

Mebbe.

So here I am two years later on the very same trails that convinced me to buy a computer without that one.  I shoved it in a ziploc bag at the first aid station, afraid that if I carried it with me, I'd either lose it or spend the whole day reaching back to grab at it, because I was most definitely the "are we there yet?" kinda kid on long family road trips.

With no distractions, I finally became aware of why I'm the only one who hates this stage.  The climbs are mellow, so being the skinny kid in class was of little benefit.  The descents are just as mellow (aside from the Enduro), so other SS'ers are able to just coast away from me.  Stupid physics.  In between, it's just lumpy rocks that take 25% of the energy that a little man on a rigid bike puts into them and throws it in his face.  It's a boxing match, and I've got one hand tied behind my back... and I thought I'd signed up for a dance contest, and my cha-cha isn't what it once was being that I doinked or pulled my right calf muscle in the crash.

Scott Rath catches up to me on one of the long coasting sections.  I'd prefer that he leave me alone in my misery, but he's just there being pleasant as always.  I just wanna sob.  To myself.

Up and down until we hit what I think will be the final garvel section (it's not), hike-a-bike up what I think will be the final trail bit (it's not), repeat the same sordid affair (without the hiking), and blast the descent to the finish... in some place... in some condition.

No pizza at the finish line this year and with a podium contender riding in my car back to camp, I was outta there ASAP for a hot then cold then hot then kinda warm shower in Eagle Lodge and some bike repairs.

Oh... and bike games.  All of which I lost.  And I snapped the pump mount bracket off my pit bike in the limbo contest... so there's that.

You can "win" without "winning" tho.