Thursday, January 5

The Emperor Has Some Clothes (and other stuff)

I guess I missed the opportunity to make a typical cycling blerhg end of year recap, but since there aren't many cycling blerhgs still out there, mebbe nothing is typical anymore.  It was a spectacular year, in terms of going places and doing things and not experiencing a major injury.  I squoze in three stage races and made a few random podium appearances here and there.  If you actually read along all year, you already know that.  If not, that's the best synopsis you're going to get.  

And I managed to squeeze in a bout with Covid and sunk into a wee bit of dismal despair trying to cope with how much it knocked me down a few notches at a time when I was expecting to be at my fittest.

In more interesting news, I wore pants at least ten or perhaps mebbe even fifteen times in 2022.  IYKYK.  I attribute this to the existence of the HandUp A.T. Plus pants.

I think they look pretty good with action sandals, but I do dislike shoes just as much as pantts.

They pretty much address 99% of what I hate about pants (aside from touching my ankles).  

I only wanna wear pants when it's stupid cold... like super stupid.  I really hate pants.

They better be kinda stretchy, sorta form-fitting, and quick-drying.*

There's no point in them being thin in nature, so much appreesh that they're kinda fleecy on the inside.

I don't need a cargo pocket.  I don't plan on carrying "cargo," and if I did, I'd grab one of the thousands of bags I have lying aboot.

I also was fortunate enough to find some skinny jeans at Goodwill that kinda fit without showing off my butt crack for the times when I don't wanna mess up my nice HandUp pants.  Trail work (in the stupid cold and/or briar patches), gutter cleaning... dunno.  What else am I even doing outside if it's not one of those two things or riding a bike?

Member how I mentioned a coupla weeks ago that sometimes I get random boxes?

Sometimes those boxes come from Topeak.  Not necessarily anything I asked for, but I do sometimes ask for things.  Usually I request small niche tools, since I have most of my big needs covered.  The kinda implements that have specific tasks that I currently handle in the half-assiest of manners.  I wanted this Tubi Valve Cleaner:

It do what it do, and probably better than the 11/64" (or whatever) drill bit I keep on my bench or getting all Jack the Ripper with a 4mm Allen wrench.

I also asked for a YHEX Speed Wrench 4/5/6

I used to have a T-handle speed wrench from another manufacturer, but the long part broke loose and started spinning in the tool under pretty low torque, so it kinda became pointless.  I don't even have a Y wrench, and I feel like I'm not in the cool kids club without one.  This would be a nice addition to the pegboard.

All modest asks. No bike travel cases or Prepstation tool boxes (with tools).  Nothing really high dollar at all.

I got neither of these things.

I did get this:

And to be painfully honest, I was like, "sigh... another multi-tool."

The Topeak Mini P20 sat patiently on my bench still in the packaging for a few weeks.  What can I say?  I had a lot going on, and my bench was covered in half-done projects and random small bits and bobs.

Then I saw a fellow Topeak ambassador's post on Twitter, and he was not as indifferent as I was.  He actually opened the box and checked out the twenty functions (I guess that's what the "20" in "P20" is about).

First thing... THERE'S A KNIFE?

I don't carry a pocket knife on bike rides, generally speaking.  Some times I do... dunno why.  Mebbe it makes me feel more masculine or woodsy.  There are times when I need a knife, and I'm glad someone else has one or it just happened to be one of my manly woodsy days.  Anyhoo, nice that there's a locking, serrated knife tucked in there.

There's also a quick link removal tool.

I've argued in the past that carrying a quick link tool makes no sense.  Being that I'm arguing, obviously someone's on the other end pounding out their justification on the keyboard at me.  I guess it's better to have it and not need it** than vice versa.  It's built into the chain tool, so I can pretend it doesn't exist, so it's a win-win.

Then there's obviously eighteen other tools on there, most important being the 8mm Allen, because if you're not carrying an 8mm, you're dead to me. 

Most of the time I'm using a multi-tool, it's not on my own bike.

Here I am re-learning (again) which limit screw is which on a SRAM derder when the bike is upside down.  So while none of my bikes have a need for a Phillips head screwdriver or a Mavic M-7 (da fuq?) tool, I don't have to tell a frand I can't halp them out if I'm carrying this P20 on my person.

That said, my first thought when I saw the tool (still in the cardboard packaging, natch) was that this thing looks bulky.  Then when I finally got around to freeing it from its tiny incarceration capsule, I found that it also came with a neoprene satchel.

Which in my tiny pea-brain, all I could think was, "great, it can be even bulkier."

But just like that spaghetti strap black cocktail dress I keep in the back of my closet, it's very slimming.

So thank and bless for this thing I didn't ask for.

 As if I needed a reminder of how quick-drying the fabric really is, I wore my A.T. Plus shorts to work the other day and did not pack my Gore Wear Paclite (**member it's better to have it and not need it) despite the abysmal forecast because it wasn't raining when I left the house.  The first run I got was a fifty block round trip... about the time the sky decided to dump it's might on the ground.  Whilst I did have jungle foot the rest of the day, my shorts were eventually dry when I went back to being Office Dick.  Hooray.


Jay said...

I'm heartbroken that hand up doesn't have the tobacco color anymore. But I still have 4 pairs of the pants. They look nice in the office and they're excellent on the trail. Tell them I neeeeed tobacco brown.

dicky said...


I have those, but how 'bout that Ranger colorway?

Eric Wever said...

I carry a knife during 'chicken of the woods' mushroom foraging season. Cutting is better than breaking the whole thing off the log

Anonymous said...

I wear cargo shorts. You know what the pockets are great for? Carrying my next beer.
Why the hate?