Holy Hamberders

The Pisgah Stage Race starts next week.  I can't say I've done everything I could do to prepare since I finally stopped dragging my feet and decided to sign up.  I put in back-to-back rides over this past weekend for fifty five miles and 8,000 feet of climbing total, and my legs didn't fall off, so that's good.  It did make me doubt certain preconceived notions to ride such-n-such bike on such-n-such stage tho, but I'll probably continue to have those doubts until the race is over.  I ended up setting PRs on a bunch of climbs, but to be honest, one ride VS another means mebbe I stopped to take off a tiny hat or waited for a frand or stopped to pet a baby deer or was being chased by yellow jackets or a slice of pepperoni slid off my pizza while trying to shove it in my mouth and I had to turn around and pick it up..

Speaking of pizza, I've been phoning in my mountain food game lately.  These things from QT stay all nice and happy in a jersey or SWAT bib pocket, and QT has single serve packs of Cholula?  Damn, son.  Pizza better put up a fight.  Also, I don't have to bake a pizza.  It does offend me that they call this mini-burrito a "taco," but probably not worth taking them to court over it.

The chances of needing to bring podium-frandly, super short jorts to wear on that illustrious single speed podium have greatly decreased in the past week.  Fellow Piedmont rider, Dylan Riddle, has moved from the duo class to SS, and he has beaten my dick off several times in the past.  He's about the age of my son, so there's also that.  The only thing I might have in my pocket is that Kenny and I are staying with him, and since this is his first mountain bike stage race AND on a single speed, mebbe we can feed him lots of disinformation and bad advice.

"Ever consider putting a beer and bacon in all your drop bags?"

Dumb way to end a dumb ride.

Anthony Toop has also entered the chat this past Friday.  Just the fact that I was familiar with his name was a bad enough sign.  A little google work and it turns out he's quite the adversary AND he listed Mills River, NC as as his current home base, so there goes all that "local knowledge advantage" that I thought I might have.

Then there's Worboy who pretty much slayed me all week at last year's TSE.  Kenny, whom I haven't raced against recently... but he also came in 2nd Solo SS at 24 Hours of Old Pueblo AND Everest'ed in his garage whist I was racing Winter Shart Tarck a few months ago.  I couldn't find too much about the other riders... well, except I know the name Holland LaRue... and if I've heard of her...

Like I said.  I don't member much, but what I do usually hurts me.  For some reason I think she rides a custom ti SS with a top tube that has a vestigial tail... but I might have also dreamt that.

Three ding-a-lings all sitting around ignoring the problem we should be fixing.

Three of the four ding-a-lings required finally pooling our tool resources and brain parts to fix a problem one of us mighta made when they finally put down the Frisbees and broke their mountain bike back outta storage.

I finally pushed the indoor training setup back into the closet.  I haven't touched it since I shut off Zwift two months ago as the days have become too warm and full of daylight to have any excuses to not go outside.  I also need to the floor space so I can start laying out all the things I'm going to need to make great'ish bike race.  I make piles of things.  It's what I do.

I'm not sure what to do with myself this weekend.  I took Monday off but don't need to be there until 5:30PM... and I don't wanna dig any holes I can't climb out of... so?

Three post-ride beers, one chocolate milk, and one bubble water might have afforded me a lot of time at the urinal to give this all a full reading.  Are people still buying condoms one at a time in a gas station that may or may not have this in the bathroom?  Who has four quarters at one time?  How can this not  take Venmo or have a credit card slot?  Seems like the random flavors is a risky move.  If you're of the type to be buying last minute condoms, would you be picking anything other than SuperStrong given the situation?

One last thing of note.  The Pie has been taking The Honda Fit of Rage back to the dealership for its free annual inspection and oil change for our anniversary for years (she likes the massage chairs).  I enjoy this favor muchly, but it will pain me this Friday as she will be the one to finally push it over the 100,000 mile mark.  I've been looking forward to this moment for years now, and...

It's not really important, but it is important to me.  Not enough so to just drive around town for 35 miles, but still.

Anyhoo, it's a stage race.  Anything can happen in five days.  Especially in Pisgah, Eater of men.  Destroyer of bikes.  Smasher of rims.  Flatter of tires.

Etc.

Can't wait to live off the sugars next week.

Damn you, Trader Joe (if that's your real name) for discontinuing Gummy Tummies and forcing me to find a lesser alternative.  I've been fueling my actual efforts with Half Evil supplemented with tiny gelatinous penguins for so long, and now I feel like I've been kicked out of my home.