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Tuesday, December 30

So much to talk about...

Enough with the "Yeah me!!!" for a moment. We've got some catching up to do...

On my four day hiatus/vacation from the blog world I basically caught up on all the sleep I denied myself for the last ten months. With all the local riding rained out I felt like I was better off in my bed, so I shot for eleven hours a night, and hit the mark quite frequently. When I was actually awake I did what I could to improve things around here to provide you with a pleasant blog reading experience and to give the illusion that I am slicker than I really am.

Just look at that header image with the new and slightly improved font. I realized that as 2008 comes to a close my goal of being a Playgirl centerfold is just not gonna happen this year, so for 2009 I'm gonna have to set a new goal. Instead of wishing for nude photos of myself to be published on the interweb (by someone other than myself) I decided that by the end of 2009 I want to be immortalized by having my likeness recreated in the form of an action figure. I'd settle for a bobblehead (Mike Piazza had to), but I would prefer a fully pose able action figure. So my first step in securing plastic immortality was to change my header around to give it a more "super hero" look. Definitely a step in the right direction, don't you think?

I added a link to my shitty results site, which happens to be still on a blog.com page. It needs a makeover, and eventually I'll host it on blogger too. Right now it still sucks... well the results themselves are incredibly impressive, but the manner in which they are displayed is quite lacking. I gotta another four day weekend coming, so I'll see what I can do.

Something new I noticed over the weekend in my sidebar...



I'm not sure how the omnipotent google does it, but when I signed up for a blogspot obviously I clicked an option which allows strangers to track my movements. Over the last five days I have gained eight followers, and I've been looking over my shoulder constantly trying to get a glimpse of these "followers". You would think that so many people following my every move would be easy to spot, but I think they're teaming up and working in shifts. Perhaps google gives them the ability to track me via the interweb and satelites. Apparently they are somehow now my problem as blogspot has given me the option to "manage" them.

I don't know... what could they want??? Osbourne Cox had followers....

NSFW- Unless your boss has a limited vocabulary made up of mostly of four letter words.

One more thing, I love the way I can sort my sidebar by WHO UPDATED MOST RECENTLY. Let's face it. Quality is nice, but quantity is nicerest. Now I don't have to sort through the alphabetical list to see if someone needs bumped up or down in the sidebar category hierarchy. Alphabetical order is pretty stupid anyways. Why did my parents name me Richard? If I ever have a biological descendant his name will be Aaron Aardvarkdillen.

Now that we're all caught upon old business let's move on to the ramifications of yesterday's big news. I posted a link to MOOTSwear so you could see what the fashionable MOOTSDick Fan should be sporting in 2009. MOOTS realized I was linking to the 2008 MOOTSwear, so they did the smart thing and moved it all over to the clearance rack. Deep down they must know that people are gonna wanna emulate me as much as possible, and if I'm wearing 2009 MOOTSwear then MOOTS is gonna be stuck with boxes and boxes of 2008 clothing. Go ahead and take advantage of the cheap prices now so at least you can be all "I was MOOTS before Team Dicky even came along" even if you weren't.

After the news of my MOOTSponsorship went live the even bigger news was that MOOTStock went through the roof on Wall Street.


"Did you get me those shares of MOOTStock? Yes? Sweet. Tell the boys they're all gonna get new suspenders and a jar of pomade on me."

Even the most stalwart and experienced Wall Street analysts didn't see this coming.


"They are so gonna take away my cool title."

Senior members were taken aback as they watched such a previously insignificant stock climb to the top of the economical pile of shit almost nudging the US and A out of financial turmoil.


"Buy orange juice" he says... "buy pork bellies" he says... you're such a dumb ass Mortimer."

But on the other end of the globe the Canadian stock market took a hit that they may not be able to recover from in the near (or even far) future. Canadian financial experts awoke from their drunken slumber to find their financial portfolios in ruin.


"Like we never saw this coming, eh?"

The Misfit Psycles Corporation was all set to launch Team Dickpsycles before the news of the signing with MOOTS went public. The 2009 pricing structure had already been established based on the assumption that I would be riding on a Misfit Dissent driving the retail value to more than twice what it was in 2008. Peter (current CEO of The Misfit Psycles Corporation) had even said "Why not charge $800 for a Dissent... other companies are selling their aluminum 29'er single speeds for $800, and they ain't even got no skulls on them.... eh?". There was even plans in the works to release a limited edition Team Dicky model that was to retail at a cool $1,000 price point. For the extra $200 the TDTBOTTLE (Team Dicky Tea Bag on Top Tube Limited Edition--- link NSFW unless your boss likes when you look at photos of men's genitals draped over bike frames while you're at work) would be shipped to my house for the Limited Edition treatment before being shipped to your door with a photo of the TBOTT treatment and certificate of authenticity.

Now that The Misfit Psycles Corporation is up to their ears in overstocked frames Peter's hand is being forced by shareholders to liquidate his stock (those are the REAL facts no matter what he says) in order to make room for all the boxes of Team Dicky hoodies that will need to be put in storage. Dissent prices are tumbling faster than America's confidence in our growth based consumer driven economy, and now is the time to buy, buy, buy. I think that if you can prove you knew Axl Rose in a previous life you can get free shipping to Norway (even if you don't live there). If you are one of the lucky buyers of a Dissent frame (for $285 USD) that has been terribly undervalued due to my non-association with Misfit Psycles you can thank me later.



Now, carry on with the "Yeah me!!" stuff.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

At least one of your stalkers is Blair. Ben is probably watching your every move too.

Misfit Psycles said...

What doesn't kill us will most likely result in a tecno-colorificalifragilistic explosion of electric lime jello and marshmallow whip.

BTW - Team Dickpsycles swag has been sharpied to reflect the NEW empire.
Team Dyckpsycles - Effective Immediately: tea bag top tubes are swapped for dueling scissors! Let the pillow fight begin.

Once again the corporation of sloppy seconds triumphs!

Anonymous said...

Whatcha going to do for 09?

Gonna have a sum up for 08?

Have'n a beer for yah here up north lad!

happy mother hump'n new years!

jac