Friday, January 23

The Grand Old Duke of York

Seriously, what gives?

The lack of stimulation around here has resulted in a lot of sub-par blogging for quite some time now. After the buzz of the new sponsor news and the big move to my new blog provider I have been at a loss for blog fodder. The blog has never looked sharper or had better endorsements, but the quality is as lackluster as the most recent issue of MBAction (or any issue for that matter). The most exciting things from my day yesterday would include the following:

I dislodged an obstruction in my nose with my U-lock key.

I sneezed four times in a row on an elevator. I was alone, but since my record is six times I felt no need to call the
Guinness people. It was pretty exciting after the third sneeze when I felt the fourth coming along... I really thought I had a shot at the record, but no dice.

I watched the pilot for
Double Rush on Youtube yesterday (all three parts). Yes, I was so bored at my job as a bike messenger that I watched the first episode of a failed series about a bunch of bike messengers who seem to work as hard as I don't. I remember the first time I jumped over a car on my way to delivering a package...

And that was just yesterday.

What's not been happening around here is the real news...

MOOTS: Since I don't have any races till April (now that I bailed on TMHTE) there's no rush to get my frame. All my past experiences have taught me to be patient, so that's what I'm doing right now. Besides, the employees at MOOTS are currently under attack by a 200ft tall toothless child, so it's no wonder my frame appears to be backburnered as they're kinda busy defending the factory at the moment.

Yes, those are nuclear cooling towers on top of the MOOTS facility. It takes a lot of power to produce the best ti bikes on the planet (or so I've heard).

Bad Idea Racing jerseys: My jersey designer d'jour has been busy working on things that actually make him some money, so my pro bono assignment has been prioritized right behind his sock darning, but ahead of organizing his belly button lint collection. He doesn't actually collect his own belly button lint, he buys the belly button lint of the rich and famous off eBay and from other rich and famous belly button lint collectors.

Race wheels: Industry Nine has been working on something top secret in their secluded lab six miles below a mountain in Asheville, NC, but apparently something unfortunate happened with the importing of the illegal weapons grade plutonium they were going to make my pawls from, and supposedly this is causing some delays. I know, it sounds like a made up story, but it must be true because that's what they told me.

Race socks: gRant "The socks in the mail" Castle told me that my 2009 socks would be in transit over a week ago. He did not bother to tell me that they would be arriving VIA a new service offered from UPS, Under Ground Delivery. Even as I type this pack gophers are burrowing their way to Charlotte, NC with my socks, and I am awaiting their arrival with baited breath and bare feet. gRant said I should be more than happy when I get them since these are prototypes Swiftwick has been working on for the last twelve years. While the rest of the world will be riding in Swiftwick's normal socks which only make them 5% Faster® I will using their new technology that will actually see my speeds increasing by 7%. That would be 2% more (for the math challenged).

Breck Epic blogger's grant voting: The official website for the Breck Epic is still under construction, so the voting has not started. I know everybody is wanting their voice to be heard, so please keep your enthusiasm alive. You will get your chance to vote for me. I promise "change" (or some of whatever it takes to get your vote).

Thanks Raul Duke.

So there you have it. My future is being held up by a giant dentally challenged toddler, belly button lint and sock darning, Industry Nine employees detained in Guantanamo Bay, and slow burrowing mammals (not to be confused with a slow, boring marsupial).

Maybe to spice things up I will take up Will Bolt's offer and fly the colors for Bolt Brothers at this weekend's short track race. The single speed race will only be 45 minutes long, but I should be able to squeeze at least three and a half blog posts out about it. If I carry a Sharpie and jot down some notes on my forearm I might be able to drag it out for a full five days. That sounds a lot like a plan.


staz said...

do it, fly the blue and gold!
and get back to eatin sum chicken wings and hormonal beef,all that tofuu nugget diet got you fallin apart and soundin like rich ZHP d. \m/

Anonymous said...

No, do not eat the meat. Meat is bad!

Luis G. said...

Ousted by Joe P and Boots, AGAIN! Dammit!

Scraping for content, I see...

GenghisKhan said...

Well, for having nothing to say, you sure said a lot! ;o) Loved the new UPS service (gophers make me laugh).

As to the "A. Nony Mouse" comment regarding meat being bad, I saw a bumper sticker that s/he might like (or, on second thought, maybe that should be might not like): It said, "Meat is murder... Tasty, tasty murder."

Peace and good luck waiting for your goods!

cornfed said...

You're just jealous of my spiffy new cap, keg of beer, and bag of socks.

And your frame is being delayed by all the cool stuff happening to mine that has the entire company and a giant toothless kid (he's helping bend the tubes) working on it.

Anonymous said...

Race Icycle next week to have something to blog about?
Maybe you like your fjork so much after that , you'll leave it on permanently.
You can't leave all those sponsors without exposure till spring after all.

Skmeetz said...

I think the sneezing may have been from the dust that the burrowing gophers are kicking up. Funny stuff.

Drew said...

assuming there are no acts of god scheduled this coming week, i seem to be slated to anodize you a hub set this week...
do what anonymous said and race the icycle, its my birthday and i have a cabin. your welcome to gather around the bunk bed room with mr. fennell

Anonymous said...

Yah can always come on a cruise with us next week for 14 days... Carribean...
I suspect a bunch of old farts...
We'll probably be the only ones on the boat with bikes.

Doing 10 islands in 10 days. Trying to get in 80 to 120km a day depending upon the island...

How cool (opps, warm... nope hot) of a race would that be!
Gonna scope it out...

Cost - 2300 bucks pp for 14 days.
Cheaper than La Ruta...
The reason I didn't do La Ruta this year.

I hope its worth it.


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