The Grand Old Duke of York

Seriously, what gives?

The lack of stimulation around here has resulted in a lot of sub-par blogging for quite some time now. After the buzz of the new sponsor news and the big move to my new blog provider I have been at a loss for blog fodder. The blog has never looked sharper or had better endorsements, but the quality is as lackluster as the most recent issue of MBAction (or any issue for that matter). The most exciting things from my day yesterday would include the following:

I dislodged an obstruction in my nose with my U-lock key.

I sneezed four times in a row on an elevator. I was alone, but since my record is six times I felt no need to call the Guinness people. It was pretty exciting after the third sneeze when I felt the fourth coming along... I really thought I had a shot at the record, but no dice.

I watched the pilot for Double Rush on Youtube yesterday (all three parts). Yes, I was so bored at my job as a bike messenger that I watched the first episode of a failed series about a bunch of bike messengers who seem to work as hard as I don't. I remember the first time I jumped over a car on my way to delivering a package...

And that was just yesterday.

What's not been happening around here is the real news...

MOOTS: Since I don't have any races till April (now that I bailed on TMHTE) there's no rush to get my frame. All my past experiences have taught me to be patient, so that's what I'm doing right now. Besides, the employees at MOOTS are currently under attack by a 200ft tall toothless child, so it's no wonder my frame appears to be backburnered as they're kinda busy defending the factory at the moment.

Yes, those are nuclear cooling towers on top of the MOOTS facility. It takes a lot of power to produce the best ti bikes on the planet (or so I've heard).

Bad Idea Racing jerseys: My jersey designer d'jour has been busy working on things that actually make him some money, so my pro bono assignment has been prioritized right behind his sock darning, but ahead of organizing his belly button lint collection. He doesn't actually collect his own belly button lint, he buys the belly button lint of the rich and famous off eBay and from other rich and famous belly button lint collectors.

Race wheels: Industry Nine has been working on something top secret in their secluded lab six miles below a mountain in Asheville, NC, but apparently something unfortunate happened with the importing of the illegal weapons grade plutonium they were going to make my pawls from, and supposedly this is causing some delays. I know, it sounds like a made up story, but it must be true because that's what they told me.

Race socks: gRant "The socks in the mail" Castle told me that my 2009 socks would be in transit over a week ago. He did not bother to tell me that they would be arriving VIA a new service offered from UPS, Under Ground Delivery. Even as I type this pack gophers are burrowing their way to Charlotte, NC with my socks, and I am awaiting their arrival with baited breath and bare feet. gRant said I should be more than happy when I get them since these are prototypes Swiftwick has been working on for the last twelve years. While the rest of the world will be riding in Swiftwick's normal socks which only make them 5% Faster® I will using their new technology that will actually see my speeds increasing by 7%. That would be 2% more (for the math challenged).

Breck Epic blogger's grant voting: The official website for the Breck Epic is still under construction, so the voting has not started. I know everybody is wanting their voice to be heard, so please keep your enthusiasm alive. You will get your chance to vote for me. I promise "change" (or some of whatever it takes to get your vote).

Thanks Raul Duke.

So there you have it. My future is being held up by a giant dentally challenged toddler, belly button lint and sock darning, Industry Nine employees detained in Guantanamo Bay, and slow burrowing mammals (not to be confused with a slow, boring marsupial).

Maybe to spice things up I will take up Will Bolt's offer and fly the colors for Bolt Brothers at this weekend's short track race. The single speed race will only be 45 minutes long, but I should be able to squeeze at least three and a half blog posts out about it. If I carry a Sharpie and jot down some notes on my forearm I might be able to drag it out for a full five days. That sounds a lot like a plan.