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Thursday, February 12

I am Iron Meh

All right, it's no Faces of Dicky, but I tried.

I've spent way too much time reading about iron, iron deficiencies, iron rich foods, iron supplements, Iron Maiden, and iron lungs since last Friday. I've consumed enough iron that my daily movements affect the earth's magnetic field, but being focused on my iron everyday is so tiring that I feel anemic trying to stop feeling anemic. I figured out how I can get a year's worth of iron in one sitting, but The Pie says I might be wrong on this one.

Mmmmmmm... 2268000 mg per serving.

I finally stopped googling iron related topics and gave myself a chance to peruse the Breck Epic website and pick over it with a fine toothed comb. I stared longingly at course descriptions with trail names I've never heard of before convincing myself that it sounded like fun. I spent some time dreaming of the cornucopia of food options on which I shall dine on before and after each stage. I quickly glanced over the purse section before I realized it had nothing to do with fashionable handbags or even man purses (or is that pursi?). And for the first time ever (this very morning) ALL THE BLOGGER INFO IS UP. Now I can fully encourage you to go over there and take a look at all the other candidates. Keep in mind that you will get to pick your top three bloggers, so after you vote for me you still get to pick two more candidates. That is of course assuming that you do vote for me, which you should. Let's face it, you came here to read my shit, and winning this contest will force me to write more shit. Either you enjoy my shit, or you just enjoy the fact that I crawl outta bed every day to post my shit... either way my pain brings you pleasure. Going to the Breck Epic on their blogger scholarship program will have me up even earlier and writing more shit.

If you look closely at the candidates you will see that no one blogs harder.

I did not bother to photo shop my head in as Bruce and I look very similar. Does that mean I coulda married Demi Moore? (worth the click, I promise)

I've been pumping out the verbiage way more than anybody else that's running for office, so based on the quantity (not necessarily quality) of work I pump out it is more than obvious that I deserve your vote.

So now you go here and place your vote. I have been asked which other candidates I endorse, and since I love them soooooooooo much I'll tell you. Fellow SS'er and entrepreneur Tomi McMillar gets a definite nod since we've had planned moments of mayhem together in the past, and he held my hand when I was scared at the Tour de Burg last year. My other top pick for fun-buddy is Lynda Wallenfells. I've always enjoyed her company at stage races, and she even took the time to send me a plastic bag in exchange for some unobtanium cranks I gave her years back. I will remain loyal to them till the end assuming that no other candidate on the list sends me a satchel of unmarked bills or a year's supply of CERA.

VOTE NOW!!!!*

*or whenever you get a chance. I don't wanna seem pushy or anything... but you should vote now while you're thinking about it... I mean, what if your computer crashes or something happens to you on the way to work (I realize most of you are reading this at work instead of working, so you already made it to work, but you still need to get home). For crying out loud stop thinking about yourself and your personal safety and vote for me while you still have a chance to make a difference.

I love you too.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Of course The Pie is right, and you are wrong - the knife goes on the right side of the plate.

Guitar Ted said...

Ya know, I'm surprised that you haven't suggested that we all vote for you three times.

Of course, that might mean that you would be required to output three times the amount of screed that you already do.

On second thought..nah!

Anonymous said...

OK. I voted for you and your possee, read your profile on the site and it said you will be racing a RIGID singlespeed. So I hope that you really are. You bought my vote with the promise of using a rigid fork.

Tomi said...

nice Demi pic, Bruce = pwned

dicky said...

I have every intention to ride a rigid fork at Breck, even if it kills me. I got plenty of time to rest before and after the event, so I should be rigid (unless I break both of my rigid forks the day before I leave for Breck).

Anonymous said...

A Braveheart shopping bag. Lynda is so thoughtful.

Pedal Circles said...

I voted the first morning you posted it!

What are the new iron-full foods?

dicky said...

"What are the new iron-full foods?"

Almonds, FORTIFIED oatmeal, black strap molasses...

LyndaW said...

Dicky,
I am flattered and honored in a Braveheart kinda way to be your running mate in this affair. I will thrash my single speed relentlessly in your honor this weekend at Old Pueblo before I put a hanger thingy and gears on it next week. My campaigning starts next week while I am sleep deprived. Team Dicky-Lynda-Tomi. Mike will wonder what he did.
Lynda

El Hombre said...

I voted for you (and Lynda), but:
you should have answered 'Ralph Fiennes' on the who would play you in the Breck Epic movie question...
you could have photoshopped this in your Iron Man pic, and nobody would have noticed, it is uncanny.

Big Bikes said...

OK, I voted for you and Tomi. You were the only two people on the list who's names I recognized so I had to come up with some sort of criteria for the third selection.

First I went with funniest, most self-deprecating "Will be played by" actor. Since you and Tomi were the only people who went that route and everyone else was all like "Dude, Brad Pitt should totally play me, our abs are identical" or "I heard Kate Beckinsale bowed out of the third Underworld movie so she could play ME, but I still don't know if she's hot enough" I had to go with the guy from my hometown of Somerville, MA who I don't even know. Man, that was tough.

jkeiffer said...

Oh man, funny stuff. Iron Meh. Too good. Loved today's blog except for the voting stuff. I already did that.

grannygear said...

You got my vote. Loved the cats. Team Dicky rules all blogs.

Anonymous said...

"I was a vegetarian for 7 years. Swallowing my self-righteous vegetarian attitude was much harder than swallowing the beef when I started partaking again."-LW

This is who you're endorsing?! Sounds pretty hypocritical and self-righteous to me. Glad you're values aren't easily swayed.

Anonymous said...

Just to derail everything, I've been waiting, but no love for Tuesday's "Dicky Bobby" on "Who Is Team Dicky Today?" - lack of appreciation for true art.

dicky said...

RE: LW's veggie comments

She's poking me with a stick, nothing more. It's kinda what we do.

RE: Dicky Bobby

If I post all the art over here nobody will go over there.

Anonymous said...

Dear Dickey,

Was riding at Ann Springs today.
Found a green and white key chain with the word "MOOTS" hand written on it. When I seen the word MOOTS I immediatly thought of your website.

There were no keys, just a blue Mag-lite without batteries and a small can of Pepper Spray.

I left the key chain hanging at eye level, from the branch of a small Poplar tree, next to a large mud hole, on the Sugar Island loop.

Seeing as how nobody picks up anything at this trail it should be safe for several years.

Please tell me that this is not yours. I thought that only girls carried pepper spray into the woods. If it is yours, your secret is safe with me.

dicky said...

Sorry, I carry my taser at Anne Springs.