Tuesday, February 3

Let's get a metaphysical physical

I have to go into town to day bright and early for my 40 year old physical. A few months back I mentioned how a complete physical is kinda like every less than desirable party experience I ever had in college packed into less than an hour.

I get naked, usually pretty early on, and more than likely I'm the only person doing it..
I pee in a cup when I'm left unattended.
Someone gets to third base, but it's not me.
I spend a half hour with a strange woman, but I end up having to pay $100 for the experience.
There are needles, uncomfortable conversations, and I'll end up losing a little blood before it's all over.
Someone's gonna try to stick their fingers in my butt.
A few days later I'll find out if I have chlamydia or not.

So that's what I'm doing today. I only scheduled this appointment since I wanted to see what the doc thought about my hands and wrists, but they have improved dramatically since I made the appointment MONTHS AGO. Oh well, might as well let my insurance company foot the bill for a little digital sodomy while I got the chance.

Remember my project that was stymied because The Wonderboy was holding onto some of my tools?

Well I finally got a chance to put the Ergon packaging to good use with a little modification.

Now when I travel I can store all my miscellaneous small parts in style.

I wasn't sure if this should be it's final use though. After a little tinkering I came up with this:

What is it? Obviously it's a bike polo mallet for my little oompa loompa friend Big Worm.

I looked over the 500 plus people on the start list for SSWC09. I scanned it as best I could to see who I would know when I get out there.

I saw that Rabouchi Tomawicki is right above Peter Keiller on the list. I'm not sure what's funnier, Becky's new name or the fact that they said Peter is 37 yrs old (I'm pretty sure he's 57).

Former Charlotte messenger and the guy who now resides in Asheville and is holding my new wheels ransom Drew Hager is on the list for the big show, and look out Carl Decker... he's training.

Of course Fuzzy will be there with his gypsy caravan. He and Dejay "Single Jizzle" Birtch will be doing a civil war reenactment to entertain the historical buffs amongst us SS'ers.

Marshall Hance of Endless Bikes and Endless cog fame will doing yoga classes on the daily. Be sure to sign up soon as spots will go fast.

Vicious Doug will most certainly be there representing the East Coast hooligans

gRant from Swiftwick will be looking to improve on his one lap DNF from last year. He hopes to go for a two lap DNF in '09.

I'm looking forward to bumping into Carrie Edwards (one of my Ellsworth Team Twentyfour teammates from back in the dizzay.

Where there's a Dejay there's usually a Jake Kirkpatrick. Laughs are now guaranteed.

Of course 2005 World Champ tattoo owner Buck "Risky Business" Keich will be representing and screaming Topher's name in the middle of the night whether he's looking for him or not.

Thomas "I will wear a camera on my head the whole time" Parsons will attempt to get the whole experience recorded digitally for our blogtertainment purposes.

John Fennell the quiet hard man from NC will be making the scene while not making a scene.

My shoulda been coulda been 2005 TransRockies teammate Nat Pellman will be there. Hopefully he'll leave his Hooters outfit from SSCX Worlds at home.

Eric "the only man to beat me at ORAMM" Cutlip will be there, and I shall exact my long awaited revenge on him.

Reverend Ben Thorton will be there, but I'm sure he'll be very quiet and boring this time around.

Beth "Pisgah Princess" Roberts will try to build an even bigger treehouse this year, and perhaps take up a permanent residence in an aspen tree outside the Durango city limits.

Thad "my butt stinks" Hoffman will be moping around wondering why he got his custom MOOTS built up for kiddie sized wheels.

Lynda "my butt doesn't stink like Thad's" Wallenfells will be showing up looking for a tattoo for sure. Expect her to keep her game face on till Saturday evening.

Dicky "hey, that's me" Dillen... just happy to see they changed my name from RICH to DICKY.

I'm pretty sure I saw Jut on there somewhere, and I'm sure where there's Jut there's a Bruce.

I could pretend to know Karen Brooks from Dirt Rag (I bugged her once), but I don't. Perhaps this time I meet her I'll get her to understand just why Dirt Rag needs a centerfold, and why I'm the perfect candidate to get it started.

Curtis Inglis made me feel special in Napa telling people to pitch me into the poison ivy if they got the chance. He knows how to make a guy feel special.

That's all the folks I think I know (or at least pretend to know) that will be at the big game. If I missed your name, and you're on the list let me know and perhaps I will make fun of you later.


Steve Swindall said...

you will come to know my name and fear it!

cornfed said...

"my butt stinks" ??? THAT's what you came up with? Seriously?

Pretty you pathetic little, big-eared, chain-sneezing, zip tie recycling monkey man.

And I thought Peter was closer to 67...

I can't wait to see what Curtis eggs this years crowd to do to you.

Steve, I think you mean he'll "fjear" it.

Billy said...

ha ha
by they way how did you not recognize my entry under my alias
Sr Carlos Creme?

beth said...

Beth Frey ain't me.. its beth roberts aka. BRob. You got it right about the tree house though, plans are already underway for another sweet tree house dance party.. i'll be too busy building to race..

dicky said...

There you have it. Didn't I tell you I'd never forget your name??

and edit.

Anonymous said...

FG will be there representing the Elsasser clan. I'm going to suggest he track you down and kick you in the nuts.

GenghisKhan said...

I'm guessing you could take your Ergon contraption to your checkup and they could put it to good use and, you forget to mentione that after you pay that strange woman $100, you find out she's a man...

Furious George said...

I have already printed a picture of the Dicky out. I am going to give him an old fashion high country hamboning. FG