Tuesday, April 7

More Warrior Creek Ruminations

Checking my hair before taking it to the podium...

I've never looked even marginally appropriate on a podium. I've often thought about doing a post on the different images out there on the interweb which show my pathetic podium form, but they all pretty much look like this:

I tend to spend my time up there fidgeting and thinking about getting off as soon as possible. If you stay up there too long someone might try to grab your beer.

"Hands off my bock there tough guy."

Getting down from the podium is just about as humiliating as standing on it. Here I attempt to get down from my high perch without doubling over in pain or falling to my untimely death:

At the 2001 24 Hours of Tahoe I looked annoyed standing in the third position as Rishi Grewal (who gave me the cold shoulder on the course) sprayed me with champagne. When I was handed my plaque for second place at the 2000 24 Hours of Conyers I was too busy staring at my plaque that I assumed would have been accompanied by some schwag or maybe a check (since I paid $250 to enter it). There are a few photos out there from last year's Shenandoah 100 and the Fool's Gold 100 where I am cowering beneath the frenetic fury that is Gunnar standing at the top of his SS world wielding his wizard's staff (he's quite loud for a very, very old man). Maybe this image of me standing on top of the 2006 Cohutta 100 SS podium might be as good as it gets (at least for me):

Blurry and out of focus photos hides my awkward stance and sheepish expressions well.

Back when I won the 2006 24 Hour Solo Single Speed World Championships I ended up blowing the podium off since I had a long drive ahead and a shit ton of things to do around the house when I got back. I'd like to think that I made the right decision, and if history tells us anything it's that I don't look very good when elevated on a platform. Besides, it seemed like the single speedy thing to do at the time.

Here as I stand on the third level of my own personal hell as I express my horror while Dan Jansen carelessly wastes perfectly good alcohol to celebrate his first place overall in the 2006 NUE Series:

We ran outta beer that night, and I will never forgive Dan for the atrocities I witnessed so long ago... I mean seriously, I brought an empty cup to the podium hoping for some sharesies...

Don't get me wrong. Winning is cool and all, but everything that comes afterward is beyond my comprehension. Conan knew what was going on. When asked about the best things in life he said "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women".

See how happy he is? Living life to it's fullest, and killing just to practice for more killing later.

Here's what happens when the killing time is over:

It's all podiums, alcohol, crowns, orgies, and watching Steve McQueen movies on your plasma screen TV from your throne waiting for death to cure you of your boredom.

More about the NOO MOOTS and the course at Warrior Creek tomorrow.


Big Bikes said...

Oh God...

the morning I decide to set foot into the very-Dicky-Realm of Photoshop- montagery, I happen to use an image of Arnold (part of one at least). This was 100% coincidental. Although, who could blame me for wanting to be you.

phureeous said...

I think your awkward stance on the podium can be attributed to the fact that you have a floor pump sticking up your ass.

Anonymous said...

The look you were giving Rishi is classic! Perhaps because you tried to make a deal with him to not make the last laps a race or something. He only wanted to crush all the little people. What a dick...haha


Will B said...

Good job this weekend!
You going to the Grind on the Greenway? Mellie and I hope to make it, have you ridden there before? Trying to figure out a gear for Mellie's bike. She was grinding a bit at Warrior.