Friday, February 12

Beat me, get naked pictures

I had some new shit show up in my mailbox last night, but I promised myself I would stick to doing what I had been planning on doing for weeks on this day, February 12th year of our gourd 2010.

Back before Christmas I got a new phone. I joined the 2000's and got a phone that would do more than make phone calls.

Since I finally got a phone with a camera built in (wow, who knew such a thing existed?) I decided I was going to try to get more shots for the purpose of blog fodder. For the most part I have failed miserably. I have captured some images in the past couple of months though, and today I will share them with the class.

The US Census came to town, and they were handing out bags of shit to let people know how important it is that we all line up tallest to smallest in March. I did not elect to receive a bag of shit, but I did find one abandoned on a park bench, so I took it inside Fourbucks and inspected the contents.

The US Census; Brought to you by the people of China. Seems to me that a great way to stimulate the US economy would be to stuff the US and A shit bags with shit made here in the US and A. Don't we make foam baseballs and paperclip holders in the US? No? Oh... well, we should.

The other day (about two weeks ago) my commute was rather harrowing. I took absolutely zero photos of the long patches of ice I had to traverse, the sastrugi laden sidewalk that had frozen loaves of bread and softballs strewn about it, or the front yards I had to ride through to avoid the nastiest of said messes. I was too focused on my commute to stop, so all I got was this lame picture of my bike when I finally got to work.

Ho hum.

I snapped this image on the way to work the other day.

You may wonder why I bothered, but here's what's what. Some hard working crew of men who refused to be identified installed a surveillance camera on my route to work. I inquired as to who was behind this Big Brother tactic, but the Nathan vest wearing bastards ignored me while they gathered up their gear and scurried away. Being a suspicious little man I looked into it a little further.

I went down to the Surveillance Camera Permitting Department in the Charlotte Government Building (on the 13 1/2 floor) and with a little sweet talk and chocolate covered ham I got the lonely civil servant to give up the goods. The permit was applied for by Art Vandelay Industries, a cover for the Swiss Geo Thermal Energy Commission, which is a front for the People of Judea's Front, which is the sole undisclosed owner of

Apparently has been harboring a secret crush on me the whole time. While I had thought they shunned me altogether and had no interest whatsoever concerning my goings on, they are in fact preparing to do an expose' on me. I had my suspicions when I saw Harlan Price in front of my house digging through my garbage, but when Sue George was following me around Trader Joe's with a steno pad I knew something was up. Note to self: Dump the medical waste at work when no one is looking.

Last weekend while I was supposed to be at Hoffencross (an auspicious event that was canceled) TURDFINGER was supposed to watch my dogs. On Sunday I came home from the mountains and my front door was left in a manner in which I do not leave it, so I wondered if in fact TURDFINGER had stopped by (not on the right date or the right time had I been outta town though). I checked for the usual evidence, a penis drawing left on the fridge, graffiti on a magazine left on the coffee table, or perhaps one of my beers emptied out with a snuffed out cigarette floating at the bottom left on my porch... no, nothing. Then I saw this on my yet to be opened case of Sierra Nevada left over from my unsupervised trip to Costco:

There you have it. Turdfinger, you can always depend on him to be a day late and ten dollars short.

And finally, here's a job I accepted early yesterday morning:

Three boxes, four blocks, and the day ended up being soooo slow that I got paid hourly as opposed to commission, so I was not rewarded for the extra effort and pain in the ass. Meh.

And one tidbit of real information before I say goodbye.

I heard from the folks that put on The Six Hours of Warrior Creek that they will be filled up with registrations this year. If you haven't gotten your registration in yet you best hurry. Ladies (I know you just come here for the sexy screen saver images), your field is on the minimal side, so sign up and and try to beat me since I'm racing in the women's solo class this year (better chance at a podium thinks I). Keep me off the podium and I'll personally send you the images that I don't use on the blog due to their NSFW status. Very nice.


brado1 said...

you need to get a BoB trailer for the Big Loads.

nice turd finger logo!


Anonymous said...

he said big loads...

Mak said...

The camera has been installed to keep tabs on the potential competition for SSWC10 by the brothers from down under. I have also had one put in Dee Jay suburb and Parson's as well.