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Wednesday, March 31

Where's Jeb Bush when you need him?


Yesterday's voting process was indeed messy. I can see why our political system is in shambles. Here's the raw data:

7.0 votes for purple
4.0 votes for black
2.0 votes for "mix it up"
1.0 votes for "why isn't orange an option?"
0.5 votes for gold

Looking at the raw data it would appear that we have a clear winner, but just as in the real world of politics the results are more muddled than a Republican misinformation media blitz.

Mr Roger accused Ant1 of being a "subversive elitist french quasi-homosexual". Homosexual's have the right to vote on issues such as headset color, as do subversive elitists, but the French have no business in American politics. Cancel one vote for purple.

Emily B cast her vote for purple, but only because she felt I made the wrong color choice with my crabon frok. Then later she voted "why isn't orange an option?" which means she voted twice. Throw out Emily's votes since she's going to the polls in too many districts. BTW Emily: Cane Creek intends to make the 110 in every color option that Industry Nine offers in the future,

George
tossed in the bi-partisan option by suggesting I "mix it up". His campaign grabbed a decent foothold with the masses and garnered some support at the polls. We all know bi-partisanism doesn't work, but since George (AKA Bike29) is a sponsor that gives him a California share of electoral college votes. Let's say "mix it up" now has five votes.

Drew sent in his absentee vote via Facebook, and he chose black. Not that he prefers black or anything of the sort, but more because he thinks we don't need change for the sake of change. Black now has five votes.

There were two votes for red, but they both came from the Ralph Nader loving Thad. This is a two party system Thad, so quit trying to be all different and stuff. Red, just as Ralph Nader, will never be a solid candidate.

I did look into the demographic patterns of all the votes cast. I wanted to be sure that the people voting for the black Cane Creek 110 were not doing so "just because it's black". This is not a way to choose something as important as a headset.

So in the end we have a three way tie with purple, black, and "mix it up". This means that I basically don't know what to do, so I'm gonna contact my people at the Skull and Bones Society since they run all the major elections anyhow. When they have their next tribunal they can put it to a vote (after they do something creepy like masturbate in coffins), and I'll let them make the final decision, but for tonight I'm just gonna have to wing it.

This just in: Arleigh has finally taken the bait, and somewhat accepted my challenge to race in the "cycling industry and media types" class at the Six Hours of Warrior Creek this weekend. Although Arleigh has entered the duo category and employed a slew of Dirt Divas to support her in order to bolster her chances of beating me I will remain undaunted in my resolve to totally dominate her ass. Make no mistake... I will let no one stand in the way of my quest for "the complete and utter domination of the cycling industry and media types". No one.

8 comments:

mr rogers said...

I'm sure every fine homosexual in the blogosphere threw up in their mouth when you made ant1 one of their own.
Now I know how it feels to be misquoted in a major news publication. At least you got the key point.

ant1 said...

just to clear things up, rich did not "make me one of their own" in a physical sense.

it's not that type of team dicky.

Anonymous said...

You have an Amigo?

awesome.

Raineman said...

So what you are saying is YOU don't want purple, and so the votes really mean... no purple.
That makes you a politicyclist.
Politicyclist- a cyclist who suggests/creates realities in a fruitless effort to gain political power in the hopes that his real power to weight ratio will improve. (taken from the Palin School of Reality Handbook.)

Anonymous said...

This champion's colors may be uncertain, however the quest is clear; go hence good-knight and dominate udders! Hmmmmmm ...

Oh palidin of nubile design,
Though thy colors wax and wane as thou errantly yet seek thy sovereign muse,
Though thy smack refects thy stat'ure and rebounds from foe's escutcheon,
Mount thy mighty steed of nine
to challenge all advocates of wheel-ed trade and all who follow quill in hand
To further gratify thy etheral attendents and battle 'gainst thine own true fortune.

Emily said...

I assume this also means Industry Nine will soon be making wood-inlay rear hubs.

frilly said...

fwiw, I don't believe Ant1 to be homosexual, not even quasi.

cornfed said...

Red, no blue.

wv: dringe