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Wednesday, June 16

Things are not always as they seem

I have been made aware of the fact that recently Fatty was sporting one of my Dicky's Death March jerseys on his blog. It was a coupla days ago, and I woulda mentioned it earlier had I been able to read it for myself on my phone while I was at work, but Fatty's blog shows up as gray text on a gray background on my display making it impossible to read, forcing me to catch up on his activities when I get a chance to look at his blog from the comfort of my home. Anyways, if you are one of the three cyclists in the US and A who do not read Fatty's blog here it was you missed:

photo cred: Dave Nice

"I wear this jersey whenever I want to seem as cool as Rich Dillen. Which is to say, almost always.'

Notice he said "seem as cool"? While that is quite a high standard to live up to it must be comforting to know that for an expensive cup of coffee more than $70 you to can seem as cool as Rich Dillen too. I'm sorry that "seem" is the most you can hope for as opposed to actually being as cool as Rich Dillen.

I wear Fatty's jersey from time to time... depends on how cool I would like to seem on that given day. On the day of the ultra controversial Mini -XC's at the Trans Sylvania Stage Race I decided to wear my Fatty jersey so I could seem as cool as Fatty since we'd be doing a decent amount of hanging out with the elitist pro types (something Fatty does all the time) between stages, and I so desperately needed their validation and perhaps any schwag that might fall out of their pockets. I also thought that maybe wearing my Fatty jersey would give me super powers, the kinda powers that would enable me to gap the road on the final Mini-XC like my hero and validation supplier Mark Weir.

Unfortunately, while I was seeming quite cool, I was not able to harness any additional super powers from my designed and made in the US and A 100% polyester high performance cycling gear À la Fatty.

photo cred: Lauren AKA Mrs Fetus

Notice the lack of air under my tires. Also notice the non thrilled spectators who minutes before my arrival witnessed Mark Weir fly through the air looking more like a pilot than a cyclist. As I passed the the two non-impressed spectators on my left (your right) I heard one of them mutter as I rode by "Well, he certainly seemed cool, but there was just something amiss I daresay. Difficult to put a finger on... I just can't pinpoint what that would be exactly. I guess he seemed cool, and that's all that matters when you're that far back in the field."*

Some people would be thrilled to be mentioned on Fatty's blog. I thought it would be great for my numbers which would be awesome since I have to send hourly updates to all my sponsors regarding traffic flow, comments, autograph requests, and panties I receive in the mail. While there has been a slight uptick in digital numbers pertaining to site traffic, autograph requests are at a three week low.

May 30 - June 5th: 1 request
June 6 - June 12th: 1 request
June 13th - present: 0 requests

My sponsors are worried. Industry Nine called and asked me quite coyly "Do you still have the box we shipped your wheels in?" Backcountry Research sent me an email asking "Would you say your Awesome Straps are slightly used or very used... say if you were to be selling them on ebay?" I told them all not to worry. Everything currently seems cool, and seeming cool is half the battle (the other half oddly enough involves marshmallow fluff and ball bearings). That kept them quiet.


* Yes, it took me that long to pass them.

4 comments:

Luis G. said...

Damn, Weir got a lot of pop from that, doesn't look like there's even a lip. Skills baby.

I thought my DDM jersey would be some sort of collectors item to be kept in the plastic bag for 25 years and then sold for a fortune. But instead I've ended up wearing it all the time. It has done wonders for my riding (not to mention my love life!).

bentcrank said...

I guess I am one of those 3. I only read 3 blogs regular or as regular as they update.

Dicky, Clay and Wever

Everything else is just fluff.

TheMutt said...

What you lack in "air" you make up for it with "flair." Just sayin'.

Oh yeah, I only read your blog. I don't even read my own 'cause it sucks so bad.

dougyfresh said...

My DDM jersey is a custom printed one thanks to our friends up north.