Thursday, July 1

The curse of love is the cause of the pain

The crime of the day is when you do it again.

Brian Johnson and Angus Young

Inductees to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Yep.
Action figures? Obviously.
Adored by millions of fans all over the world? Hell yes.
Finishers of the Tour de Burg? They never even had the balls to start.

AC/DC = Tour Fail

Damn I love the Tour de Burg. No other event offers a better pain to $$$$ ratio. It's almost impossible. The BC Bike Race would have to cut off your legs with a chain whip to even come close to the Tour as far as giving you the amount of suffering for your stage racing dollar.

I can't wait to be amongst the Tour's finest and not so finest. I long to breathe the clean'esque air of the mountains just outside of Harrisonburg, VA. I have absolutely no aspirations of glory at the Tour, and that's one of the best things about it. There is no single speed class at the Tour. They don't give a shit what bike you ride. It's your problem if you show up with a bike with one gear and no suspension. Pointless King of the Mountain Points on parade stages, Sprint Points just to bring the pace up to silly levels, stages that are essentially mass start Super-D's, coasting races that end in tragic unplanned trips into a ravine...

Anything goes at the Tour.

If you're not doing the Tour this year you're doing something wrong. If you are doing the Tour this year you're doing everything right.

I am ready to be crushed on the gNar descents where Jedidiah Bisquick learned to go so damn fast. I'm ready to get left behind on the open road regardless of my new crabon road bike's light weight and superior plastic construction. I am ready to get my ass handed to me at the ping pong table by 95% of the people staying at Carp's house.

Are you ready for a good time?

Of course you are.

BTW: An upcoming movie about being a career courier NOT starring me? Fail. Squid doesn't even have to carry packages heavier than 10lbs, and he now owns his own company and works in the office half the day? What's up with these part time couriers harshing my gig? If I only had a camera I'd make my own movie all about me... oh yeah, I do have a camera. I just need ten large now.

At least clicking all these courier related links led to something I can use at the Tour this morning:

How to open a beer using your back wheel from FBM_Fixed on Vimeo.

I'll be out till next Thursday. Enjoy the extra free time you'll have on your hands by not having to read my blog for the next few days.


TheMutt said...

Rear-wheel beer-opening fail. He spilled half of it all over the place, and probably bent a few spokes in the process. There has to be a better way.

Good luck at the Tour de Burg. I'll try to catch the coverage on wait, that's the other Tour. Damn it.

WV: neseopho

CB2 said...

Highlifes are twist offs

dougyfresh said...