Warning: Semi-nudity in today's post that isn't my nudity

Last night I asked The Pie if my new Dirt Rag came in the mail. She informed me that she had yet to check the mail, but would do so after supper. We both forgot. When I went to bed she reminded me that no one had checked the box, so excitedly I jumped out of bed and checked to see if the paper validation of my hard work had indeed arrived.

Indeed!

This issue has not just one article from me, but two, count them, two articles written by yours truly. My quest to take over the magazine is now twice as complete as it was a month ago. My next goal is to take over the table of contents and perhaps do a micro brew review. The cover shall read Dicky's Dirt Rag by December at this aggressive rate of non-hostile (as of yet) takeover.

Thanks to the modern communication devices known as email, facebook, and my comment section I knew I'd get some feedback on yesterday's post. A few of you wanted to know just how the Rotor ring affected chain tension.

Here's a photo of the ring/chain combo in what would be one of the tighter spots:

Notice that the new chain I installed and originally tensioned weeks ago has stretched slightly and allows for some slack.

Here is everything with the ring rotated to the loosest position:

Not a hell of a lot of difference.

Here is the loosest position without my judgmental finger pushing down on the chain:

Not a lot of slack at all. I realize my test is very unscientific as I could be pushing on the chain in a manner that gets the results I desire, but...

Rotor points out on their very scientific website this reaffirming fact:

"You will obviously have a small change in tension if you’re feet are at 12 & 6 o’clock, but when going downhill you’re feet will likely be positioned at 3 & 9 o’clock (highest tension). Therefore, the only time you’ll be at 6 & 12 o’clock is when you are pedaling, which means that you will be applying pressure on the chain at this point."

Also realize that my chain needs tightened. I have over a hundred miles on that brand spanking new chain, and I haven't done anything to address the slackness due to my very own personal slackness.

Thad, the very man I spoke so highly of in the most recent issue of Dirt Rag (did I mention that I will totally own the magazine by 2011?) left a snide, doubtful, and semi braggart'esque comment about the Rotor ring:

"$135 for a ring? Better be made out of some bad ass makemefastium for that price. Also I bet you can push 33x19 regular, I run 35x19 and it feels better than 34x19 on climbs. Headcase."

Let's not forget that Thadly is still running around on baby wheels and his climbs are in the state of Tennessee where the only thing that is considered big is their tubes of sausage. A 35X19 on little wheels is still dwarfed by the manly 33X19 on proper sized wheels I pushed at ORAMM proving that either my penis grew ten times its size that day or that the Rotor ring just works. I'm sure when you pay $135 for a ring you're also paying for all the R&D work that provides all the really cool graphs that justify the purchase to your wife.

If you are a believer in graphs and want a ring I did verify yesterday that George at Bike29 does indeed have them in stock.

Another comment I received was about the "Genital Non-Displaying Device".

A reader wanted to know how such a short towel managed to still keep my excessively large genitals from being displayed.

I was actually still using my old method of genital non-display that I learned from Buffalo Evan:

It's an old habit that's very hard to break. Apparently this is an approved method of being naked in public while not breaking any laws. All the kids are doing it (probably NSFW, but even if it is, it's still pretty creepy to look at).

Some folks wanted to know about that new and improved totally awesome place to stick your Awesome Strap?

As Thad can tell you (and he often will), he has stuck an Awesome Strap on every point on his bike imaginable. He has stuck them on his hubs, around his bottom bracket, and even on his pedals although that last option made it difficult to actual pedal the bike. My advice is that you stick them anywhere that doesn't interfere with your ability to ride a bike properly, and knowing that Thad has no idea how to ride a bike properly I can see where he gets confused.

Just in case you forgot, I am still working on a huge change for me that is coming down the proverbial pipe. Last night I was in email contact with a legend of the sport of mountain biking in a manner in which I had not expected, and I can only say I felt like getting all Wayne's World in front of my monitor.



Strange days are these.

Some stuff I hadn't got around to mentioning because I was busy talking about myself

I mentioned that the day before ORAMM Leyonce and I went out for a ride around the Kitsuma loop. I finally had a chance to try out the new Camelbak Charge 450.

An actual bike ride with a piece of equipment as opposed to just snapping photos of it in my bike room like I did awhile back? You must admit that's some pretty thorough journalism.

What's amazing is the pack never looked that big when I held it in front of me, and it sure didn't feel that big on my back, but in comparison to my relatively small ass the Charge 450 looks large'esque. Since the panel between the bladder and my back was sorta thin (with elevated ridges to keep it directly off my back)I filled it with ice and then topped it off with water to see if it would feel cool... not Fonzie cool, but more like Al Roker cool. It worked. I could feel the effects for the short 1.5 hour ride, and the water stayed cool for hours later on our trip to Subway and while I was in the hotel room packing drop bags. Very nice. I was able to fit my camera in one of the side pocket mustard holsters, and access to it was fair to midland. Had I a cool little pink camera like Peter it would have been a better fit. Mike Piazza did safely fit in the jewelry/iStuff pocket, and he stayed there for the entire ride.

All in all the pack was as comfortable as packs get, even with all my overprepared-for-a-mountain-ride stuff (minus cold weather clothing). I'd still rather wear nothing at all, but when the time comes to wear a pack this one will be replacing my venerable circa 2000 Blowfish. It is officially retired. The king is dead, long live the king.

One of the top secret things I did before ORAMM was mount up a Rotor 33 tooth ring that George from Bike29 was kind enough to force on me.

There's all kinds of science on the website that you can peruse later, but I can attest that there has to be something to it since I was able to push a 33X19 over 63 miles and 10,000 feet of climbing in my state of disrepair. Normally when I'm feeling "on it" I only push a 32X19 at ORAMM, and that's when I'm feeling "on it". Just less than a month ago I was walking up sections of Curtis Creek with my 32X19. The new not-so-round ring certainly adds something to my ability to keep turning the gear over when things get hard. Like I said, there's some science behind it... I don't entirely understand it, but I was impressed with all the graphs and science stuff. George can get some more Rotor Rings if you want to take advantage of this new technology (it's not warmed over Biopace), and he has operators standing by. Call now (unless you're reading this during non-Bike29 business hours) since he doesn't have it in his online store for your shopping inconvenience.

I got a new watch to compete with Peter's giant watch that talks to him.

It is an actual men's watch, fitted to the smallest notch, and since I won't be racing seriously anymore it is merely a fashion accessory that matches my rims, brakes, helmet, shoes, saddle, stem, and crabon frok. I look incredibly professional for a retired unprofessional cyclist.

Also in monumental news, I moved my Awesome Strap to a lower position recently.

Some folks believe that mounting your shit high up on the seatpost is not such a good idea, especially on a single speed. It kinda makes sense when you consider you rock your bike back and forth on climbs, and that means you're moving that weight through more space with every rock back and with the following and subsequent forth. I think I can notice the difference, but without cool Rotor-like bar graphs I can't claim to have scientific evidence, but if you think it does make a difference go ahead and try to mount your saddle bag down there (assuming you're one of the people still using lame ass saddle bags). After you get pissed at your inability to move your saddle bag to this extremely logical position buy yourself an Awesome Strap and throw that POS away (or if you live in Asheville, throw it in your compost bin).

BTW: If you want an Awesome Strap like the one you see above you are currently, as Aesop once said, "Shit out of luck." The new, even more awesome 2011 Awesome Straps are on the way, so be patient while you try to enjoy your less than awesome saddle bag.

I also got to use my new "Genital Non-Displaying Device" at ORAMM.

Local Charlottean Kellie Muddiman created this bad ass personalized "Genital Non-Displaying Device", or as she would probably prefer it to be called... "Changing Towel." It's got a buckle so it doesn't fall down while I'm naked underneath, and it's ultra-absorbent which came in handy since I was covered in three gallons of sweat when I was finished riding. It's also personalized so I won't mistake my friend's "Genital Non-Displaying Device" for my "Genital Non-Displaying Device" when I unload my car after a weekend trip. While you may not be self absorbed enough to buy a personalized changing towel for yourself they do make a great gift for loved ones or for that riding partner that shows you his junk after every ride. Kellie can be reached at KMUDDIMAN@EARTHLINK.NET if you wanna hook a naked, not so humble brother up, and she also makes ones that are more appropriate for lady folk who want to cover up the goods as well.

Serious business

Boy, if you miss today the future won't make much sense.

Back in June Colt from Cycling Dirt did an interview with me while I was at the Trans Sylvania Epic. Something he asked me forced me to answer a question I've never bothered to answer for myself. It's had me thinking for months now. Paraphrasing, it went kinda like this:

Colt: If you could win one race before you die what would it be?

Dicky: Of course it would be the Single Speed World Championship.

~Then I bitch about people like Adam Craig, Carl Decker, Fuzzy, and Dejay.~

But then I say this:

Dicky: I've won everything I'd probably ever want to win....

I've been thinking a lot about that for some time now, and over the weekend while I was flailing away on the ORAMM course it came to me. If I've already won everything I'd probably ever want to win why would I try to win anything else?

Where is this going? Lately I've acknowledged the fact that I am tired. Working, "training", blogging, writing, family time, fun time, racing... I try to put a lot on my plate and the one thing that gives is sleep. How can I alleviate that problem? Sleep more and lose one of the other bad habits. It was an easy decision. Training has to go.

There's only one point to training; to do well at racing. If I have, in fact, won every race I ever felt like winning continuing to train seems like a stupid concept. Of all the races I've ever won (or done really well at), only two stand out in my mind as achievements. Winning at ORAMM and the 24 Hour Solo Single Speed Championships were the two biggest moments out of everything I've done in the last seven years. I'm talking about my first ORAMM victory in 2004 since it was my first single speed endurance race ever, not the other victories since I actually went in thinking winning thoughts. Both victories pushed me to a new edge and both were quite unexpected and somewhat life changing.

Winning at that first ORAMM made me realize I might be able to try my hand at La Ruta. I'd never heard of anybody doing something like that on a single speed, and thus Bad Idea Racing was born as I wrote my first ever race report and started chasing down stage races like a not so attractive college male would chase down less than sober girls at 2:00am (nothing I would know about for sure). It was the beginning of an era for me, but then winning the 24 hour thing kinda pushed this blogging business to new levels starting even another era'esque period for me. Pivotal moments for sure.

It's not like I've been very absorbed with winning this year. Winning never really seemed like my style anyways. If you look at the photographic evidence from the past decade you'll see that I've never felt at home on a podium, and I don't think that will ever change. For me the feeling of standing on a podium is sooooo small compared to the feelings I had out on the course earning the privilege to stand 2.5 feet taller than my peers.

I do feel like a spoiled asshole rich kid when it comes to the wealth of fitness I accidentally have right now. My job has the fortunate side effect of keeping me in the kind of shape that will allow me to continue attending races and having fun, and that's what I intend to do from here on until some big life event occurs that I can't predict. No more skipping out on the pre-race festivities to get a good night's sleep, no more drop bags full of nutritional shit I don't really wanna ingest, no more worrying about who else is registered, no more morning rides before work all over Charlotte aimlessly chasing fitness, no more extra laps I don't really wanna do on the local loops, no more shaving my head down before hot races, no more worrying about my weight, no more of the things that kill the fun of doing what I love.

I'd go on and on about this topic, but I think you get the point. I'm still going to attend cycling events with start and finish lines, but speed will not be of the essence in between those two locations. I'm already daydreaming about the pizza at the 75 mile mark at Shenandoah in September, not to mention the pre-race beer the night before I've been ducking out on for the past two years. More fun rides with more slower friends since fitness won't be the focus of my rides April through September. What I am proposing is a return to the fucking salad days.

There is another change on the horizon. It's only in the works, so you'll know more as I know more and then we'll both know more because the more you know...

Looking for that image I found a website for breast augmentation. I love the internet even more now that I know there are boobs on it. Mmmmm.. the more I know.

Picking up where I left off, ORAMM Race Report Part 2

So last you knew I just popped up onto the Blue Ridge Parkway and filled up my bottles at the third aid station. with fellow single speeder Kelly Klett leaving me to make his way on his own.

This was not my normal ORAMM experience. Normally I climb up Curtis Creek Road looking for carrots ahead of me to swallow whole. If I see that they are standing up too much I assume they are single speeders, so I charge ahead, close the gap, slow down when I get close, make my breathing as normal as possible, ride behind or next to them, and then after they realize I'm there I go all 2009 Contador on them.



Then when I get over the top of the Parkway I hang it all out on the following gravel descent to make sure they never see me again. None of this happened Sunday as planned.

On the descent I took it pretty easy. No two wheel drift in the corners, no reckless abandon, and no looking over my shoulder. When I got to the bottom I sat up and took it easy on the flat section, and when I started climbing back up to the Parkway I looked for someone to keep me company. I could see Charlotte local Eric Hagerty coming from behind, so I held up and waited for him. We chatted for awhile, caught another rider, I continued talking, looked around, and Eric was gone off the back. Making the most of the situation I talked to this guy instead all the way up to aid station four.

I had shared with my new friend that I was going to eat the shit outta something at the aid station. I was hoping for pizza or wedding cake, but I had no such luck. I pulled over and searched the tent, but the closest thing to pizza was Doritos (they're both triangle shaped). I grabbed a Coke and stood next to the Doritos for awhile. I watched as Eric Hagerty came and went, as well as Harvey Minton, fellow single speeder Mike Tiano, and a few others went by. Whatever. I wasn't leaving my Coke unfinished, and I had yet to sample the cookies, so there was no chasing to be done... not yet.

Once I downed my Coke and expressed my love for the volunteers I hit the 1.1 mile climb up the Parkway. I passed Harvey and Mike pretty quickly, and hit the hike-a-bike to Heartbreak with a bit of enthusiasm. It's hard to not be excited about one of the best descents in all of Pisgah. I bombed it for all I was worth, popped out at the bottom, and rode on past aid station five since I never had a chance to drink anything in my bottles since aid station four.

On the climb up Mill Creek Road I caught sight of Kelly Klett again. I was noticing him noticing me, and he musta thought I had an agenda as he visibly jumped into action. I was having none of this, but at least it was fun to see him jump every time there was a line of sight between the two of us in a switchback corner or over a long straight away.

Once I got to the bottom of Kitsuma it was hard to not be slightly crushed emotionally. It was around the 5hr 50min mark, my finishing time from two years ago. I knew Will Black had already won, and I still had close to ten miles to go with a lot of pushing up Kitsuma's menacingly hot switchbacks. Some very nice people in the parking lot gave me some cold water and then told me that there were three single speeders all just about three minutes ahead. "That's nice" I thought to myself thanking them for the water and pointless information.

Up Kitsuma, down Kitsuma, and an effortless ride back into town. Not the usual panic spin back to the finish while looking over my shoulder the whole way that I'm used to from the past few years. I crossed the finish line in 6:43:37, fifty two minutes slower than my fastest time in 2008 (5:51:05), no where near my 5:40 fantasy football league dreams.

What else is worth mentioning? Will Black won the SS class and beat my course record with an awesome 5:44:19 (very fast considering the high 90°heat). He also outclassed me in the Best Overall Performance of a Single Speed in a Supporting Role with a 7th place overall (I was 9th in 2007). Also kudos to second place SS finisher Robert Jameson for finishing in 6:16:17 on a rigid bike with V-BRAKES!! Echhh. I should also mention third place rider Greg Leister (who kept me company on the push up to Star Gap) did a great job since he only wanted to better his 8 hour time, and he did so by finishing in 6:20:46.

The only goal I managed to accomplish was beating Harvey Minton, thus allowing me to cross him off my list. That, and by unsuccessfully defending my ORAMM title, I can now walk away from ORAMM happy and defeated.

Congrats to Eric Hagerty and Kelly Klett for rounding out the all NC podium. Also big ups to the 275 people (out of 400) that beat the heat, the lightning storms, the injuries, the hardships... whatever to finish this ultra hard edition of ORAMM.

There is some fallout from the race that is yet to be discussed. I'll get to that tomorrow.

Yup....

This race report may drag out over a few days and related posts may drag out even longer. I know you're thinking "We're used to it", but I assure you this may end up being the most irresponsibly procrastinated post ever. The results may even be up before I get to the end of the story, and I've already facebooked all my facefriends the short spoiler version (see what you're missing if you're not my facefriend).

I went into the race doing almost everything possible to achieve my goals (finish in 5:40, honorably defend the title, and beat Harvey Minton so I can cross him off my list). Leyonce and I rented a room at the Super 8 to avoid the standard 4:30AM wake up call that I've become so familiar with in my last five ORAMM's. The day before we went out and rode the Kitsuma loop, and I've never had a chance to stretch out my legs the day before ORAMM. It was awesome.

I packed all my bottles and shit into the drop bags trying to figure out which bottles I could leave behind since I wasn't going to wait until 8:00PM when the bags would make it back to the finish line.

Each bag had a piece of yellow POLICE CAUTION tape on it so I could pick it out quickly in the pile of hundreds of drop bags at each stop. This is serious business.

I trimmed my number plate down to reduce wind resistance on all the open road sections and the painful coasting trip back to Old Fort, NC.

I also requested my lucky number... awesome.

I even made sure we had a hotel with a Superstart Breakfast, because who wouldn't want a Superstart to their Superday?

It was anything but Super, but it was simple sugars that were partially thawed and all you can drink coffee.

So anyways, aside from doing two stage races in the last two months and trying to recover in between by doing as little as possible I was doing everything right.

Sunday morning I took my spot at the front of the group. The start usually rolls out of town pretty fast, and I try to stay in the top fifty or so until we get to the climb up the old, degraded paved climb up Old 70. Then I turn on the gas and try to establish a better position before we hit the singletrack. This time around I managed to stay pretty close to the front, at one point being at the very front with King of Pisgah, Wes Dickson for some chatter. Fun had, I dropped back into the top thirty or so riders and hammered my way up the climb.

Once we got to the million switchbacks up the backside of Kitsuma I was happy with where I was. I lost sight of Will Black, but the next three single speeders were all in sight. I crested the top, descended like I had just rode it yesterday, and since I knew all the lines I made short work of it.

Out on the paved road that leads to the bottom of Star Gap I caught two single speeders in a train, passed them, realized I shoulda joined their train, held up, sat in, passed the other single speeder, and got to the bottom of the even more switchbackier than Kitsuma, Star Gap. The three other single speeders got by me at the bottom as I kept my pace reasonable in the heat. I was soaked through and through ever since the climb up Old 70 at 8:15AM, and I figured the heat would play a major role in the outcome of the race. No sense in blowing up yet, and I know the nine mile climb up Curtis Creek Rd has always been place to make my move.

Up Star Gap and down to the grassy road of death I spent some time with Carey Lowery. She was riding waaaaayyy off the front of the women's field, and she made for pleasant company constantly reminding me that we're shooting for sub six hours. Once we got to the climb up the grassy road of death I would gun it on the slight rises, pass a few riders, recover, and repeat. Things were going pretty well at that point, and I thought I might be able to do what I set out to do from the start.

Then it happened.

I hit a steeper section with a bit of enthusiasm, and then I popped. There was just nothing there. Popped? That's probably not the right word. Champagne bottles "pop", and then there's happiness and glasses and hugs as champagne flows all around. I did not "pop."

There's a certain kinda firework that every man wants to see at a Fourth of July celebration. There's no bright colored palm tree explosions, no squiggly little whiny bits squirting in all directions, and no funny shapes (if you think circles are funny). No, the best ones just go up, there's a flash of white light, and then you feel and hear the loud boom that is an awesome display of the difference between the speed of light and sound. Any man will tell you that's the only fireworks they should ever use for the whole show, but I guess they have to think of the women and children and babies with sensitive ears.

So anyways, I attacked the steep pitch and I would imagine the ride behind me saw a brilliant light, then he woulda heard a loud boom, and then all that would be left in front of him was a smokey contrail to the point where he last saw me. It happened just like that.

I guess that's how it feels when your body says "No, we're not quite up to this." If I couldn't gas it like that on a steep pitch on the grassy road of death I'd never have my kick on Curtis Creek that I have come to count on. With two of the three single speeders I had hoped to beat just ahead of me, I dropped back and was passed pretty quickly by the third. Meh.

I rolled into the second aid station looking to reload with the bottles from my drop bag. The volunteers looked for my bag, I looked for my bag... nobody could find my bag. I told them it should be obvious, what with the yellow POLICE CAUTION tape on it, but nobody was finding nothing. In an amount of time that would have allowed me to fill the bottles I had on me, poured them out, filled them again, poured them out, and filled them once more we found my bag with the tape tucked up underneath it. Success. I strayed off my nutrition plan, grabbed a couple banana chunks, and rolled on to Curtis Creek Road.

On the way up I looked for riders to talk to. Neal Boyd, race promoter from Charlotte, Kelly Klett, a single speed racer who really wants to beat me, Carey Lowery (again taunting me with the six hour thing), the local Specialized rep... I had a lot of pleasant conversations. I rode past some riders who were enjoying the cold spring on the side of the road, and I realized what difference could it possible make now if I stopped to partake. I halted my forward motion twenty feet past the spring, laid down my bike, and filled my bottle with cold spring water.

While I was riding up the road with Kelly I saw race promoter Todd Branham coming down the road in his truck. I think I've seen Todd here every year as he's on his way back after checking in with the aid stations on the Blue Ridge Parkway. He gave me a serious "WTF are you doing back here?" look, said something of the sort, and I just shrugged my shoulders as he drove by.

I rode with Kelly up to the third aid station, and he left me there while I suffered a similar scenario to what happened at the last aid station. Not that I cared at this point. My "race" was over hours ago. This time I filled my bottles after we looked for awhile, and the volunteer found my bag about three seconds before I finished filling my second bottle.

That's about the 35 miles mark, and a good place to stop for now. I have to go to work... yes, I slept in this morning, and it was awesome.

Nothing left to do but ride

ORAMM is coming. Like death or taxes, it can not be avoided at any cost. I'm shooting for a time lower than 5:45 and hoping for 5:40. I'm placing bets that Will Black will come in @ 5:10-5:15. Maybe a giant crevasse will open up in the earth's crust swallowing Will whole, but I doubt it. Kinda sad if he does win since...

Thanks to Dixie the premature kitten for allowing me to take her picture. She's a 3oz bottle feeder The Pie has been taking care of lately. I would have preferred a non-blind kitten that could actually run so I could recreate the original image a little better, but she had to do.

Speaking of animals...

Are you an Ashevillian and find yourself needing a small dog?

Zip is a 9 month old Chihuahua /Jack Russell mix looking for a home. She was bred to leap over buildings and save children from burning buildings. She is also very good at math and is well versed in Aesop's Fables*. Contact me at teamdicky at hotmail dot com and I can send you more info.

So, oh yeah... ORAMM. I feel like I killed the topic with this post a week ago. I'm doing my own thing, doing some new things, and doing the right thing. I will fight the (Will) power.

What time is it Will?

Time for all fucking hell to break loose.

* I'm just guessing she could do all these things as she looks like she could.

It's not risky business

ORAMM is now less than three wake ups away. Am I concerned? Not so much. I've made all the right moves.

Last Saturday I bought my favorite snack, a 3lb 8.5oz bag of penaut M&M's. Last night I finished it off.

38 servings at 220 calories per. 8,360 calories at a rate of @ 1,670 calories a day. That should top off the glycogen stores for the weekend, and I also got in 152 grams of protein to boot. I was very careful to not wash them down with my favorite post peanut M&M gorging session beverage, Sierra Nevada. Too much of a good thing and all.

Will Black is posting photos from the Blue Ridge Parkway on his facebook page in an attempt to intimidate me... as if he's really up there training on his bike. I have it on good information that he was up there for leaf season. Either he has a very rare calender reading disorder or he's been using that same stupid Aztec calender I was using a few weeks ago. I think he doomed his shot at my title earlier this year when he was hanging out at the start line with Wiensy, Fawley, and Lance himself.

If you see Will please let him know Lance isn't doing so well. He doesn't know how the Tour is going since the hippy liberals in Asheville have made cable television illegal.

My timing on yesterday's mention of the Breck Epic was kismet on the highest level. When I got to work I saw 1,200 mentions on facebook regarding Lynda Wallenfels' latest "Coaches Column" on MTBRaceNews.com. This particular post was an answer to the following question:

Question: I live at a low altitude but I am racing the 6-day Breck Epic this season. How can I best prepare to race in the thin air of Breckenridge?

Just as before, Lynda's column comes at the right time in my life. Last time she wrote about the importance of recovery and had this little bit about stage racing that I am currently ignoring:

"Generally, 7 day stage races fall in the 3 week recovery time frame."

Now let's see what she has to say this time....

"endurance performance bottoms out within the first few hours of arrival at altitude"

Lucky for me I'll be in Breckenridge for at least 24 hours before the racing starts.

"Arriving 4 days before the race is good. Arriving 4 weeks before the race is better!"

Doh.

"A month out have your iron levels checked and follow a physician’s advice on iron supplementation if necessary."

Anybody who's been following along at home knows I had issues with anemia last year before I went to Breck. My bloodwork from this past February was deemed "OK", but I'm not taking any chances. Daily iron supplements? Check.

"Take 80-120 mg of Ginkgo Biloba twice per day in the 5 days leading up to arrival at altitude."

Ginkgo Bi what what? Well if Lynda says "Jump!" I say "How many milligrams?" while I'm in the air.

I ran out and picked up iron supplements and ginkgo biloba ASAP. Since I was at the CVS that sits under the Five Guys Burgers and Fries I ran upstairs after purchasing my pills and bought a bag of fries. They do absolutely nothing in terms of helping with altitude, but they do taste good and have excellent vinegar absorption properties.

She closed with this:

After arrival at altitude:

"Avoid any medications that will depress breathing rate. This includes alcohol..."

I have to admit that's where she lost me. I want to be as ignorant as possible when it comes to how alcohol affects performance. She doesn't even go on to say that perhaps skipping higher alcohol beers like Old Chub Scotch Ale (8% alcohol) and substituting it with Coor's Lite (.00001% alcohol) would be a great idea. This seems like shoddy journalism to me.

I think this is all part of Lynda's bigger plan. She wants to subconsciously affect the decisions I make from now till next February and so we can crush all comers at The Most Horrible Thing Ever... I mean the new but not improved and only renamed Pisgah 36. Women always have a darker reason behind their actions. Don't trust them and whatever you do don't look them in the eye... that's what breasts are for.

Halfway through the "Season of a Thousand Stage Races"

Did you come here to read my mind just three days out from the most important event on the international cycling calender? Sorry, maybe tomorrow I'll get my focus reigned in on ORAMM.

Maybe you came for more hydration pack controversy? None today good sir (or mam). Move along.

I wanna go ahead and mention the final two stage races I'm doing this year in my "Season of a Thousand Stage Races" (give or take 996). Next up for me is the Breck Epic. Like most races I've ever done I finished the 2009 Breck Epic with a feeling of been there, done that, never going back. Last year I was hurting pretty bad at altitude, and being slightly better off than clinically anemic it was a bit of a daily struggle for me. I was glad I finished, but it was painfully obvious that in order to do well at altitude one needs to acclimate, buy a hypobaric sleeping chamber, or just straight up dope... not that anyone there doped, but last night I was wondering if I could get a blood centrifuge on eBay (fuck me, you can).

Over the long winter BE promoter Mike McCormack asked me if I would consider coming back. Obviously I had forgotten all the pain and suffering of pushing up over Wheeler Pass, Georgia Pass, and all those other God awful passes that crushed me into a fine powder of wasted human. I said yes. I'm in much better health this year, the descents were just awesome enough to make up for all the excruciating breathless effort it took to get to them, and the views were out of this world. Seriously, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen (next to The Pie... who happens to be a nurse and capable of running a centrifuge).

photo cred: this guy

So I'm going back, and if you want to join me you'd better hurry. There are less than twenty spots left, and classy pro racers Like Ross Schnell are buying them up like cheap centrifuges on eBay*.

The last stage race I'll be doing this year is Crank the Shield. The best thing about this race is that the promoter doesn't bother using the cliche terms "epic" or "trans" as a marketing tool in the title (reminder to self: promote a race called the Trans Epic Epic). Maybe that's not the best thing about the race. Maybe it's this:

After a summer of record temps and racing and working in sweltering heat and code red days I welcome any race where people don arm and leg warmers and stomp through soft, cold mud.

I've never been to Eastern Canada before. I have done two Trans Rockies and one BC Bike Race (an "epic" journey from Vancouver to Whistler ... they had to get the word "epic" in there somehow), but I have never cranked anything on the eastern side of America's hat. It's also comforting to know that this event is put on by Chico Racing. They happen to be one of the largest and bestest bike promoters in North America, or so the internet tells me.

Crank the Shield is only three days long, so if you're looking to get your feet wet in stage racing this is a good one for you. There are less than 60 spots left, so if you're even thinking about it you might wanna click on over, do a little homework, work on your Canadian accent, watch the video, and then sign up. Not only will I be there to keep you company and hold your hand if you're scared Peter will be there as well to take a photo of you at your worst moment to exploit on his blog.

ORAMM tomorrow... I promise.

* Rad Ross Schnell only uses his centrifuge to dry his micro swim trunks.

Dead horses beware

I know the proverbial "they" say there is no sense (know cents for Thad) beating a dead horse. On the contrary, beating a dead horse makes all the sense in the world in comparison to beating a live horse. You get all the pleasure of taking your anger out on a large deceased equine without the risk of getting a retaliatory kick or having to deal with the guilt of being an animal abuser.

This is my blog, and if I wanna beat a dead horse I will do it. Not only will I beat a dead horse I will give it the full Shawshank treatment... the full Shawshank treatment. That horse won't be walking normal for a week, assuming it could walk, but it can't because it's dead.

The cycling specific hydration pack was invented by Camelbak. There's no arguing about that. Here I am wearing either a first or second generation Camelbak sometime back in the waaaay early 90's.

The bladder just went into a giant Koozie sleeve and was slung on your back with two tiny little straps that dug into your shoulders while a 70oz liquid Tootsie Roll bounced around between your shoulder blades. I think it's fair enough to say that all hydration packs are just a rip off of the original Camelbak. That is, of course, we don't want to give credit to the first guy who cut the bladder out of a goat, filled it with water, and slung it over his shoulder using a braided cord made out of wallaby hair. I guess maybe it's not the same thing unless the originator managed to fashion a hose outta the goat's upper intestine and maybe used the wallaby sphincter as a bite valve.... he probably didn't take it that far.

Jimmy the Gimp was the first person I knew that had a Camelbak. Jimmy always had the coolest stuff first. His Haro had the first Manitou on it, he ran Grafton brakes, and he had a full suspension bike years before the rest of us (a Doug Bradbury/Answer made frame with two fork legs for seat stays). That Camelbak was the coolest upgrade I could afford to keep up with the Gimps, so I got one too.

The first Camelbak had NO STORAGE whatsoever. You could jam shit down into the tubular Koozie, but it meant leaving out a little bit of water and it made for difficult access to your tools when you needed them. Eventually they came out with the Humpty Bak, which was just a tiny pouch held in by the velcro at the top of the Koozie (I've got one in the above photo). I could only fit a tube, a CO2 inflator, a multi-tool, and half a car key inside of it. Eventually companies other than Camlebak, like Two Fish, made sleeves for the Koozie with pockets for your tools and shit, and then the whole concept of packs with pockets took off and other companies jumped into the fray, and then here we are today arguing about who makes the best pack and who ripped off who's ideas (or is it "whom's ideas"?).

The Bell helmet I'm wearing in the photo was one of the first helmets with a retention device on the rear, the Reebok Pump. It worked well enough, and the idea of a helmet grabbing the back of your skull caught on to the point that you can't buy a decent helmet without a Roc Loc, GPS Fit System, Spiderlock Elite retention system, or whatever those copycats want to call their products. Don't we all benefit from the advancement of helmet technology brought about by the competition between helmet manufacturers? Sure we do, and we should be grateful or else we'd all have headaches from over pumping our Reebok Pumps.

So Camelbak, Hydrapak, Wing Nut, Osprey... you name it, they all have to give credit to one another for pushing their respective companies to make a better product. I've had a shit ton of hydration packs, and I've hated to majority of them, and even the ones I liked still had room for improvement. I hate wearing packs in general, but sometimes the ride necessitates it, so I gotta go with the lesser of all the evils.

I've had seven Camelbaks, one Wingnut, one Bell, one Ergon, one Hydrapak, and one huge pack made by some company I can't remember. I had a nit to pick with every one of them, but I still own four of them, although I hold onto two of them since my late father bought them for me to help with my 24 hour racing aspirations back in the day. Two of them are my current go-to packs, the 2006 Wingnut Assault and the 2000 Camelbak Blowfish. When I have to wear a pack I use either one of them pretty equally. What don't I like about either one of them?

The Camelbak Blowfish had to be vastly improved (by me) for me to continue using it. I added a two inch waist strap, a compression cord for extra clothing, and I rerouted the hose under the shoulder. I never modified the Wingnut, but it had/has its issues. I blew out a zipper after a few months use (a common issue on WN gear from what some of my friends have experienced), though the folks at Wingnut fixed it without a blink. The original bite valve was shitcanned and replaced with a Camelbak valve (I guess that is a modification, but whatever). The bladder lid was untethered, and would inevitably fall interior side down in the dirt when I tried to fill it in a hurry, like when I was racing, which is what I bought the Assault for to begin with. I like that you can fill the bladder without removal, but any pack that puts the bladder in the main compartment so that when you overfill the bladder (because you're in a hurry) you end up soaking your gear? Not so much. I also ended up mending the mesh straps quite a few times. A word to pack manufacturers: if you're going to use mesh on the outside of your water sacks test it thoroughly before you commit to a design. It was a weak point on more of the packs I owned than I can remember.

I haven't even ridden with my new Camelbak, but I already wish it had a two inch waist strap. Nobody does that, so I guess if I want it I'll have to make it happen. The other nit I have to pick is that it does not allow for under the shoulder routing of the hose without some modification. That's one of my favorite things about my Wingnut and my modified Blowfish. Under the shoulder routing allows the tube to come right up to a hands free drinking position with no leaks. It should be an option on all packs IMHO.

So argue all you want about who ripped off who's idea in my comments. As long as the breed improves in the name of competition I'm all for it, otherwise we'd all be wearing the 70oz liquid Tootsie Roll, driving Ford Model T's, and drinking the same kind of beer. Blatant copies without improving the breed? See the American light beer industry for an example of where that will get you. Look closely at the images of the Octane LR and the Wingnut Hyper 2.5, the Enduro, or even the Hyper 3.0. The only real similarity I see is that they all carry the weight lower than with a regular pack. Easy access pockets on the sides? Who isn't doing that nowadays? Hell, I did it back in 2006. As my friend Stabby once said "All movies are based on Beowulf. It's a fact."

Still not happy? Let's grab our fire tipped pitchforks and assemble in mass to storm the factories of the interlopers.

All comments are welcome...

Promises, promises... why does Mike believe?

I wished I woulda said something more about Julian Dean's tangle with the Tour de France safari sensation Mark Rhinoshaw...

but it's too late now. Heaven help us if Evan "Outta my fucking way" Plews grows horns before he toes the line in the single speed class at the Breck Epic.

How about what I managed to get into over the weekend?

Mike Piazza read Fixie Dave's comment regarding whether or not he would fit in the new Camelbak. He found a picture on the internet of Pue Sawicki with her chihuahua going for a ride in her hydration pack, and he figured it would be easier to coach me if he could actually do a ride along and see for himself what I'm doing out in the woods. He thought the small soft lined pouch at the top of the pack (where I was planning on keeping my expensive broaches and lockets) would suit him best, so we tried it out for size Saturday evening.

Best laid plans and all...

On Saturday my window for riding was full of life's little things, so I was hoping to get Mike Piazza out for his dirt experience on Sunday. The winds of change blew in and brought rain with them forcing me to make the unfortunate call to cancel the mountain bike ride. Road riding it had to be, and Mike Piazza shed a tear that was 1/24 to scale of a normal human sized tear when I told him there was no way in Hell I was wearing a pack on a road ride for fear that the other roadies would laugh at me.

I opted to go for the Bicycle Sport Sunday morning road ride... yes, a road ride. I now have over 250 miles on my road bike for July which is an all-time (at least over the last 15 years) high for me. Of course I'm not counting fixed gear work related miles.... well, because I just don't count them.

One of the most interesting things about the ride was that both the shop owner (Ilan) and his faithful employee (Andreas Raab) both tactfully and most respectfully pointed out that my seat was too low, way too low, painfully and obviously too low.

"Hey Dicky, ummmm... how tall are you? I've analyzed the video I took of you riding on my Blackberry, and your pedal stroke seems quite inefficient. First off, you should not be riding on my Blackberry. Secondly, your saddle on your Fuji... I mean Kestrel, is obviously too low when your knees are hitting your chin at the twelve o'clock position."

This was a combination of a few things.

I set the seat height based on my MTB not thinking about the shorter crank length.

I put a new seat on before Tour de Burg without checking the height.

The original seat post clamp that came with my bike was bottomed out and allowing the seatpost to slip. I replaced the clamp with a Salsa and maybe I kinda guessed at the correct height and never checked it.

I moved it up 15mm and realized I would have had the overall Tour de Burg win had I spent more time with Ilan and Andreas before I left.

The road ride went about 20 miles past my happy 50 miles road bike distance (the point where I get hungry and wished I was at home already), but it was a pleasant affair as always making me wish I had more time to get out on road bike rides with friends.

Although I'm hoping to get out this week on my mountain bike before ORAMM while wearing my new Camelbak I thought I would share some information that Seth from Camelbak forwarded to me after he read my post, did a little facepalm action, and emailed me later.

The Charge 450 is so named not because it was "ninety better than they originally thought it would be during the graphic design phase". The pack itself weighs 450 grams without a reservoir. I guess this is the hydration pack industry's equivalent to weighing bikes without pedals knowing full well they are useless without them.

The yellow string that holds up the bladder will not be on the production models since the handle drop slot holds the reservoir on its own.

Seth also promised to get the new Camelbak Octane LR to me for "review" (which means I'm gonna try to keep it) when he has one he can spare.

photo cred: singletrackworld.com

I only mention that to put him on the spot if he fails to follow through on his promise.

All ORAMM, all day, all night

Warning: Long post ahead, but still autoplay Don Henley free.

The best thing about Will Black signing up for ORAMM is that I feel as if the pressure is off me to win. I would be speaking of the pressure I put on myself to win the single speed class, not some external force or presence of massive amounts of tifosi lining the trails on race day. Will's pretty freaking honch, but even with riders like Dave Hall, Eric Hagerty, and Geoffrey Bergmark in the SS class I woulda had some work to do in order to win.

Wait...

Stop the blogpress.

I just checked the registered riders list and Geoffrey Bergmark has moved into the Vet Men (30-40) class since the last time I looked. Hmmmmm... he had told me he was in the SS class as long as I was going to race. Something about if I wasn't there and he won it would be like Lance's first Tour win in 1999 when Pantani and Ullrich couldn't make it. The critics would always say "Sure Geoffrey won, but there really wasn't any competition. Dicky was too busy doing coke and wrecking his sportscar driving home from the club." So I sign up to make Geoffrey's win legit and he skips out on me. Shame shame Geoffrey. Don't forget....

Hmmm... looking at the prize money there might be a financial reason for Geoffrey's flip flopping. First place single speed only pays $120 this year (it was $200 in 2009), but you can earn that ($120) with a 3rd place in the vet men category. With folks like Sam Koerber signed up in the Vet class that's gonna be a tall order as well. Scratching my head I looked to see if I should seek greener pastures, but the Masters Men (40-50) only get schwag. I've got schwag coming outta my ears, so I'm gonna stick it out, take my loss, and wrote it off on my taxes (a benefit to being a 1099 unprofessional cyclist). Not to mention Andy Applegate is signed up for the Masters Men class... who the hell is racing in the Open Men's class if people like Andy and Sam are riding in with the age groupers? I don't see Adam Craig on the list, so why is everybody hiding out in the age groupers??

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that there are also a bunch of people signed up in the SS class, and I have no clue who they are. In the past I mighta googled them, but with Will Black in the mix why bother. If I failed to mention your name on my list of potential favorites and you end up beating me, my apologies. I'll know who you are then.

If and when Will Black beats me I will breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe next year in June I won't have this overwhelming urge to "defend my title". Another great benefit about Will Black signing up is that normally I can't think about anything but ORAMM once July rolls around. Knowing that I am now a 10:1 underdog I can now just go out and do what I do... have fun and try to ride fast. No need to obsess endlessly and race like a coke fiend looking over my shoulder every three seconds. The race will definitely be in front of me, so I'll be scanning the side of the trail every so often to see if maybe Will is standing in the weeds changing a flat.

Speaking of fast, I looked at the results from the last three years. Here are my finishing times:

2009 ~ 5:56:06
2008 ~ 5:51:05
2007 ~ 5:40:30

The records do not go back any further so I can not see my times from my second place finish in 2005 or my first win in 2004. Those records were kept on stone tablets and Todd Branham (ORAMM Promoter) didn't wanna break his scanner trying to email the results to me. It doesn't matter since I'm pretty sure we ran different courses back in the old days.

I have a bad memory. Looking at that 2007 time I can't remember if we did the standard course or not. If we did I ran my fastest time on my small Zion when I was 38 years old. If we didn't do the standard course (that would make more sense) I feel slightly better. I am getting slower as evidenced by the last two years, and I'm wondering if that's just a part of getting older or the decline in interest regarding "training" for races.

So I have goals. I want to lay down my fastest time ever since I don't know if I'll be back again in 2011. That will be a tall order. I also want to beat Geoffrey Bergmark out of spite, and I also also want to use this opportunity to crush Harvey Minton so I can check him off my list. My list? I have a list, just like Stuntman Mike but slightly different, of people I'd like to kick when they are down. Many endurance luminaries are on that list, and many of them have been crossed off. Weaknesses, bad days, mechanicals, dehydration, injury... I will take advantage of any unfortunate situation with absolutely no remorse to defeat you if you are on my list. Harvey says he hasn't been training much... excellent. He was eighth overall in 2007 when I was ninth... so close, but this year Harvey your ass is grass and I'm the vaporizer.

My "training" has been haphazard at best. Overload my body at a stage race, try to recover, do another stage race, try to recover, and then hit ORAMM. I have no idea what I should be doing right now, but I'm riding as little as possible during the week and I might have overdone it last weekend.

I went on a mountain ride with old friends. I wanted to go on the ride even though my legs felt like shit. I wanted to have fun (that's all us girls just wanna do), and I was testing some secret equipment (as Big Worm alluded to on Monday).

A mountain ride with two bottles... Victory!!!

Yes, I'm pulling out all the stops. I'm doing a bunch of shit this year that I've never done before, and I'm even digging up some old skool stuff from days gone by.



I went ahead and wrote the next part providing full disclosure of my sinsiter plan, but Mike Piazza was watching over my shoulder and he said we were laying down our hand a little early. As Press Relations Director and Minister of Misinformation here at Bad Idea Racing he took it upon himself to edit the following in order to keep our advantage until after ORAMM is over.

This year I will be:

_________ only _________ _________ between _________.

trying out a new _________ that only elite _________ _________ have been using.

putting my _________ in my _________ along with my _________.

refraining from _________ my_________ as I usually do before a race.

_________ closer to the _________ the _________ before the race.

_________ beavers and goats until the _________ hours of the _________.

He added the part about the beavers and goats. He said it's all part of his job as Minister of Misinformation. He said "Next year just watch all the wannabes start _________ beavers and goats. They'll do it if they think you did. Lemmings."

Next week more ORAMM shit, a Camelbak review with 50% more CORRECT information provided to me by Seth of Camelbak, even more ORAMM shit... and perhaps a look forward to the Breck Epic and Crank the Shilled, I mean Crank the Shield.

Viva Mark Renshaw!!! Beware Will Black. There will be no cameras in the woods next weekend. The ORAMM head butt revolution will not be televised.


VeloCenter: TdF Stage 11 Extra

Because I had the time: A mini unprofessional review

Now with less autoplay Don Henley (sorry about that)

The Pie has been outta town for the last coupla days leaving me unattended. The good news is that last night I was able to start messing with my new Camelbak. I wanted to elaborate on yesterday's post since it was quite lacking and a bit scatter brained without much imagery (aside from the product shot I got in an email). The bad news was that she took the good camera with her leaving me with the POS old one. My documentation of last night's playtime suffered slightly.

An you may ask yourself "How did I end up with a new Camelbak? What have I done to deserve this?"

This is a photo from Dirt Rag's website taken at the Downieville Classic.

On the right is Maurice, my virtual boss at Dirt Rag. On the left is Seth from Camelbak helping Maurice enjoy margaritas out of his 400 oz Margaritabak.

Maurice gets to go to Downieville and drink Margaritas served by industry folk like Seth, and I get to stay home and play with the Camelbak Seth sent me as an obvious consolation prize. Consolation Victory!!

I let Seth know before he sent me anything that I am very fickle, especially when it comes to hydration packs, and not to expect me to like it. The pack I've been wanting for quite some time (say since around 2004) would be more or less like an adventure pack... made with lightweight cloth having a big cargo area, a 100 oz bladder, and some minor compartmentalization. Simple and lightweight, just like me.

This photo was taken with just water in the bladder, nothing in the pack, and everything cinched down tight... very low profile.

Sorry about the poor quality image. It was taken by the same guy who shot this photo:

I sent him home and took the rest of the photos myself.

One of my biggest complaints about my old Blowfish was that if it was loaded with gear it was damn near impossible to put the full bladder in the pack without removing all my shit. That is no longer an issue.

A big zipper accessed compartment and two rentention'esque devices to keep the bladder from sinking down to the bottom of the pack. Take that gravity!

There is a soft pocket at the top where I guess iPeople would put their iThings to keep them iSafe. My little pink Shuffle needs no such fancy compartment, so I'm gonna keep my expensive broaches and lockets in there instead.

The pack obscures my jersey pockets, but luckily it has two built in mustard holsters on each side of the waist belt.

I wanted a big, vacuous compartment. Most of the times that I wear a pack it's cold outside so I end up wearing lotsa extra clothes at the start of the ride that I don't really need, take them off five minutes into the ride, and then need a big, vacuous compartment to stuff them in.

Score.

I do like a little compartmentalization for the little things... Mountain Pipe, CO2's, tube, lube, tools, toilet paper (for use where there is no toilet so it's more like untoilet paper), patch kit with pads, chainring bolts, zip ties, and various whatnot.

There's also a huge compartment on the outside of the bag for big things... like a helmet.

I've never actually had a need to put my helmet on my back while I'm out in the woods, but I've seen a similar product shot somewhere before so I figured WTF. Notice that the pack is emblazoned with CHARGE 360? My pack is a pre-production model and the actual pack name is the CHARGE 450. Why 450? I guess it was ninety better than they originally thought it would be during the graphic design phase. It has a cargo capacity of 754 cubic inches, but calling it the CHARGE 754 would have just sounded stupid.

Here's the CHARGE 450 jammed to the gills with everything I could fit in it... all my gear, my helmet, 100oz of water, some mustard, and a bulky baja I bought in college stuffed in the big, vacuous compartment.

Notice that the helmet doesn't fit as well in the outside pocket thing with the baja stuffed in the main compartment so I'll either have to wear the baja or the helmet while riding or perhaps leave one of them at home.

I'll actually ride with this thing rather than just wear it around the house over the weekend and review it in a slightly more professional manner next week.

Tomorrow I'm thinking it's the time on Sprockets when we talk about the most important race on the international cycling calender, ORAMM.