Thursday, July 21

Franks and beans y'all

I wanted to do a stupid ride yesterday. I asked coach Mike Piazza what I should do, and he facemessaged someone smarted than the both of us and got some advice. So instead of riding half the ORAMM course, I went out for a shakedown ride before the most important race on the international cycling calendar. She suggested fifteen miles in zone 2. I assumed that meant riding like I was in "the zone", except doubly so. The Pie dropped me off in the southern regions of Charlotte after running an errand, and I headed to Colonel Francis Beatty for a couple laps. I haven't been there in a looooooonnnnggggg time.

I saw a deer.

I said "What's up deer?"

He grunted something in deer language.

I said "What?"

He said "Say "what" again mother fucker."

I rode on.

I noticed the work that Stabby, Eric Van Driver, and myself (there were others) did years ago has stood the test of time.

We built this drop while we were supposed to be doing some other work on the other side of the hill.

This is what it looks like from the top (if you were 7" tall):

I ended up with over fifteen miles, and I wasn't anywhere near my house when I was done, so I went even more over my desired total, but I did feel very zone two'ish the whole time.

I wasn't just our for a ride. I was testing out my new bibs. Why would a man with seventy zillion pairs of bibs need another pair of bibs and why do they call them "pairs" when it's just one bib?

Post ride image enjoying a "taper beer" while washing my bike in the front yard in my bibs.

I've always bought medium bibs in the past. I've always had issues with rubbage on my inner thigh. I thought this was normal.

Back in 2009 at the Cowbell Marathon, I remember jumping on my saddle and squashing my beans (not the frank). My beans were not in their usual place since the 114° heat index had them wandering down my chamois leg looking for some respite from the heat. I thought that was normal.

When I ordered my new Bike29 kit, I consulted the Panache Cyclewear website, and according to them, I am a small. I got the small bibs and guess what? No more inner thigh rubbage and the beans stay where they belong. This means my seventy zillion pairs of bibs (size medium) are useless (to me), and I am now in the hunt for smalls. I currently own three small bibs (1.5 pairs according to my math), which is enough to get me through 3/5 of the Breck Epic.

The best thing about my new Sugoi bibs that I didn't even know about when I bought them?

A radio pocket.

What's so great about a radio pocket? I've got a prototype Tülbag (pronounced tūl-bahg) shoved in there, which means I can go shirtless whenever I'm hit with the urge... like I did back in the Fanny Pack of Doom days.

Yes ladies, this is a dream come true for all of you. It's about to get all sexy up in here.

I mention the Tülbag, happen to check on its current status, and shit me not...

The Tülbag cometh.

And in my favorite colorway for panties and Tülbags...


And something for the folks who liked the older style, ultra versatile Awesome Straps, it looks like some improvements have been made.

As soon as I hear that the stuff's available, I'll let you know.

Soon enough I will no longer be known as "the boy who cried Tülbag."

I'll be known as the sexy shirtless man with his beans in the right place that cried Tülbag!!


dougyfresh said...

no wonder I can't find my car keys. you have them.

dicky said...

This is a high end item. We didn't want to display it with a Honda key.

Montana said...

Those look like a good place to keep a stash. How do they do in an anal cavity?

dicky said...

I don't want to plug all my sponsors in one post, but might I suggest a liberal dose of That Butt Stuff before insertion.

Luis G. said...

Sweet, maybe I can stop using a camera case. That you fit in small Sugoi bibs is impressive (or not, depending how you look at it)

Anonymous said...

tuck your meat curtains up and you shall have no rubbage on your thighs.

Dr. Brett said...

It rubs the lotion on its skin...

rick is! said...

dude, you have the upper body of an incapacitated 79 year old man. dead sexy