TECHNICIÄNS ÖF SPÅCE SHIP EÅRTH THIS IS YÖÜR CÄPTÅIN SPEÄKING YÖÜR ØÅPTÅIN IS DEA̋D"

Yesterday, things got off track.

I forgot I had other topics to cover, but I had to go there.

Not so much other topics, but at the very least, more long winded "blah, blah, blah" about the topics I did cover.

I told you how great the Breck Epic was (the only stage race I've ever been to three years in a row), but I forgot to tell you something important. For a limited time only, the entry fees to the Breck Epic are reduced substantially. Right now you can get into the six day for $749 and the three day for $429. They expect to sell out in 2012... just saying.

Peter says I will be there.

What else?

I heard on Dee Snyder's House of Hair the other day that Blue Öyster Cult was the first band to bring the umlaut to rock and roll.

They did not invent the umlaut, nor did they copyright it.

I did not invent the small zippered pouch, but I was the first person to bring the umlaut to the small zippered pouch industry.

I am certainly not the first person in the cycling industry to use the umlaut unnecessarily to make a product more "rock n roll." Stevil has been using the umlaut to improve his product line for much longer than I have. For example, the AHTBM Tall Boy cüzie:

Stevil has every right to use the umlaut. He's so "rock n roll" that when Rolling Stone asked Lemmy Kilmister what he thought of Stevil, his reply was "Dude... duder.... doooooooooood. Fück all!"

Anyone can use the umlaut. It is a powerful tool. David St. Hubbins knew how important the umlaut is to enhancing one's image and making a powerful statement of one's rockitude.

"It's like a pair of eyes. You're looking at the umlaut, and it's looking at you."

The worst part about using an umlaut is that I do not have an umlaut key on my keyboard. I have to go chase one down on the internet and cut/paste it into place. This requires a great deal of effort.

You will be happy to know that when you buy a Tülbag (pronounced tūl-bahg), you get the umlaut for free. That's right, there is no additional charge for the umlaut. That's a promise. You will not even receive an invoice after the fact.

That's a gift, from me to you.

Now if that isn't a good enough reason to buy one, I don't know what it is.