Wednesday, November 16

Partial nudity, sorta safe for work

A couple things came about because of the ride at Wilson's Creek on Saturday. Firstly, upon seeing some fly fishermen standing in the creek, I felt the need to yell something at them, but didn't. I realized it needed to be made into a t-shirt or something else.

Secondly, the sexy photo of me wearing a nipple wind protection device inspired Johnny Nutsack to create a calendar with sexy mountain biker photos. This was as far as he got before he found out somebody else in Charlotte already had the same idea.

He was kinda bummed to find out it had already been done, but as promised last week, I now have one of the new Dirt Diva calendars in my hands. It was delivered to me in a very appropriate, nondescript brown paper bag.

I opened it with great anticipation, not knowing entirely what to expect... well, other than half naked women and bikes.

Being that this calendar was supposed to be mountain biking specific, I took the time to scan over every photo to make sure that there was something that tied it to the sport we all love. See the CROPPED images below.


A bike outfitted with an old skool Awesome Strap. Very nice... dare I say, "tasteful?" We all know I'm a fan of pink parts.


Obviously riding a bike and wearing pads in the name of safety (wouldn't want to be a bad influence on children who want to ride their bikes naked).


Sneaking out of the house whilst naked for a ride. I do that all the time. Very legit. I've woken The Pie many times noisily pulling on my chamois in the bedroom.


A medal from a local race. Nice touch, but I must say the inclusion of a baby screams of sexual activity. I have not made any biological children of my own, but The Pie told me all about where babies come from and the "special hug."


This one took me awhile to figure out, but there is the discarded jersey resting on a bike seat in the forground. A bit of a "Where's Waldo" game, but there is no end to my sleuthiness.


Squishy fork, disc brake rotor, quick release, naked woman... just like every bike ride I go on... minus the squishy fork and naked woman.


I recognize that number plate from a local race series. I did not recognize the naked woman adorned with number plates. I will keep my eye out for her at the Winter Short Track series.


All the local female bike mechanics work in the nude. This is nothing special. There are perks to living in Charlotte. Bike pump... easy.


Apparently they do not make breast specific helmets. After a close study, I determined that this was just a standard helmet being used to shield one's breasts. I'm thinking one thing... tan lines.


One would naturally keep one's electrolytes by the stove. One would just as naturally mix up their bottles before a ride au naturel. Nothing strange here.


Naked, but at least getting ready to ride. Putting shoes on first is the true mark of a champion.


I had a hard time with this one. Naked woman? Check. Bike? Not to be found... for hours.

Finally I happened to glance up, and floating unnaturally above her hear in the distance... a bike.

Of course, if you want to see the whole thing and not just some scanned photos that have been cropped down in order to titillate and and not necessarily give up the milk for free, they can be purchased at a local bike shop in Charlotte or you can contact Mudman over on his blog.

All proceeds go to support Charlotte's only women's mountain bike club, and keep in mind that they coulda just sold cookies, but instead they offer you cheesecake.

I showed the calendar to The Pie last night, and she said "It's quite tasteful."

I let her know that Cathie Docherty did a great job presenting the women in a manner that was artistic and not in the "two straight chicks pulling each other's panties off" typical calendar kinda way. Keep in mind that I used a scanner to get these images on the blog, and that the actual photos are frame-able art.

Thus ends this gratuitous public service announcement.

If you find yourself looking for more nudity, might I direct you to the wonders of the internet.


Layla said...


Anonymous said...

Nah, there's no bike in the December pic.


Tanya Sloan Storm said...

Miss February agrees with your assessment, and has never injured her naked parts while riding. The kneepads, however, are a must.

Anonymous said...

Balls deep. Hahahahaha!