Two options enter, one man leaves

There are two important events going down tomorrow.

The Treeshaker 4/8 hour race is happening just twenty miles from my house. Alas, I don't think I need to be on my bike doing laps tomorrow. I did a 12 hour out there once in 2007, and I think it had some sorta negative impact on my head. Many people I know will be there chasing their tails, so perhaps I'll hop on the Fire Mare and make an appearance... I mean spectate and ring a cowbell.

It's part of the Turn and Burn Endurance Series, and by not racing I have assured myself my no chance of winning the money being offered up for the overall. Prepare for failure and succeed at it.

There is another event that is going on even closer to home and all over the universe at the same time.

Sure it's just a holiday created by Stevil, but all the "real" holidays are made up anyways. How does one celebrate?

Buy a large number of canned beers.
Drink one.
Duct tape the empty can to the bottom of a full can.
Drink it.
Duct tape the empty can(s) to the bottom of a full can.
Keep going.
Don't stop.
Ever.

Longest wizard staff wins. Normally holidays don't have winners and losers, but those are stupid holidays meant to boost your self-esteem like a participant trophy in tee-ball.

I could combine both events, but I think building my wizard staff alone at an endurance race would be like masturbating in church. Sure I'll have fun once I get going, but everybody else is gonna be uncomfortable and someone's gonna have to clean up my mess.

All of this will require planning, and I just started thinking about it right now. Maybe if I planned ahead I could do Crack Pipes around the Solar System while attending the Dash for Cache on July 15th.

"Ready for the next generation race? Check out www.Dash4Cache.org for our inaugural event on July 15, 2012 at Jetton Park in Cornelius. You can run/BIKE/drive... use your smart phone, our customized software, and your friends. Our goal is to provide 100% of the profits to Lake Norman YMCA. Join us!"

I wonder what the YMCA's stance is on crack pipes...