Thursday, June 21

This dOES nOT cONCERN you

The Democratic National Convention is coming to Charlotte in September. You know, where the Democrats will all get together and say, "Yeah, we're gonna stick with that guy." This is old news at best. The city is in quite the kerfuffle over the whole thing. Our brave city leaders have come up with a new term for this situation, an "extraordinary event." What that means is that our police can do pretty much whatever they want. Got a bag, backpack, purse, or satchel? They can look in it. What are they looking for? Just about anything.

Tip: If you look suspicious, do not carry a tube sock and three dollars in loose change.

This would not be the week to bring my Trans-Sylvania Epic stabbing weapon collection to the office for show and tell.

Some of the things I carry on a daily basis in my black messenger bag are suspect. Even my helmet could be considered a prohibited item. This list was published back in January, and an official from Charlotte Center City Partners said that no businesses had contacted them regarding their concerns regarding as to how this will affect their day to day operations.

So I sent them an email in February.


Guess I'll show up and see what happens. The best I can hope for is topless protesters.

The "upside" to all this is that Charlotte has been dumping money into "improving" the uptown experience. I can't find anything stating that these improvements are related to the DNC, but they are unprecedented in my time on the streets.

New signs are being erected everywhere and in a hurry.

This is how you get to the highway.

This is cultural.

This is historical.

This is rhetorical.

Most of the uptown streets are being resurfaced. Upside? I can roll down to the post office at 4:00PM with a mail tub on my bars and catch all the lights without swerving around potholes in rush hour traffic. The corduroy patchwork by the bus station where shit gets real is now a shimmering black carpet of sexy. My Strava segments should blow up real soon.

Downside? The new blacktop is being put down right before summer. It's gonna get hot this July.

Africa hot.

Some of the holes, lumps, and bumps that are being covered have been there since I started as a bike messenger back in 1996. Some will be missed. The bump I gap my front tire to when I drop off the curb at One Wells Fargo, thus creating a smooth transition? Please don't take that away. The dip that fills with rain water in front of BB&T? I can live without that.

Memories... years of them. Gone just because the DNC is coming to town.

This is nice:

This bike lane has always shifted to the left since they put it in.

Now drivers might actually notice.

The city is doing what it can to at least make the uptown look bike friendly. The city could stand to do this all over though, just not our newly beautified Center City. We've got lots of scary lane shifts where you just tighten up your asshole and hope that drivers understand what you're doing while they are merging onto the beltway and thumbing an all important text.

"u r right. traffic is bad today. srsly. :/"

Don't forget today is the day you can live chat with the dreamy Travis Brown or ask Mike McCormack WTF is up with his hair.



John Parker said...

nothing smacks of douchy industry insider more than getting all of uptown re paved and striped for your riding pleasure...I bet you are renting out your house for untold $$$$ so some intern has a hipster messenger pad to crash at during the DNCC as well....

or may be karma thew you a bone?

Billy Fehr said...

You just received 1,000 risk score points. The good news is that I'm still winning...

Anonymous said...

This post was great today. They usually are, but I liked this one a lot. Enjoy life in the smoove lane.

Chris said...

It's all part of Agenda 21.

pv said...

I've stopped shaving my legs and I'm sewing the sleeves back on my jersey's tonight.

wv: hysteryo!