Friday, September 14

Looking out for number one


Tomorrow could very well be the last race of the "season."

Assuming I don't do Double Dare, Shiner's Run P2P, or some stupid cross race a few miles from my house.

I'd prefer to think of it as the last race of the "season."

Mostly because I am le tired.

I was able to procure a Surly Tuggnut from a local source Wednesday night.

It has been put through the paces during a standard Premium Rush style day. I was not caught by the crooked police officer with a gambling problem and anger issues, and I managed to help a woman reunite with her small child. All in a day's work, you know? It performs in the manner as designed by the engineers at Surly. I am confident it will open standard issue beer bottles as well. I did not read the installation instructions. It seemed pretty straight forward, right up until the moment that I was using an inappropriate tool to avoid a trip across the bike room to retrieve an appropriate tool thus crushing my thumbskin and forcing out screamed expletives.

The cog is worn and makes crunchy noises. While installing the Tuggnut, I did at least take the time to move the cog over one spacer, improving but not perfecting the chainline immensely.

Weekend plans to include one to two nights at the luxurious Pisgah Mountain Bike Festival, 70 miles of gravel and pavement on the Fire Mare, one short mountain bike type ride, and seven-∞ beers.

As some of you are already aware, Interbike is next week. I've been asked multiple times, and no, I am not going. I have been there, and I have done that. I have no purpose for being there, and Interbike is prepared to do what they have to in order to keep curious interlopers such as I outside their hallowed doors. They do not mention that this is a direct attempt to keep some small but very handsome man from once again wandering the halls crop dusting the vendors.

I'm pretty sure that's what it is.

No industry insider douchebaggery for me in 2012. No hobnobbing, no exclusive parties, no hanging out in front of Walgreens with the guys from Swiftwick and a couple six packs purchased from said Walgreens, no sponsors showering me with free liquor, no awkward moments with ex-sponsors (they didn't like the extended duration of my hugs), no gorgeous female athletes hanging all over me...

photo cred: Guitar Ted

Nope, I'll just be like the rest of the schlubs, sitting at home in front of the computer looking at all the shiny things and jiggly bits wishing I was there but knowing that I really don't want any part of it.

Speaking of gorgeous female athletes, let's stay with the theme and pay tribute to the female athlete I will totally destroy tomorrow...

You're welcome.


Anonymous said...

What! No hyperlink to a nifty video or photo for 'crop dusting'? Not all of your fans have sunk so low to know what that one means, though I heard it first from a nice Jewish girl :)

dicky said...

TheMutt said...

That photo has to be shopped. There's no way Chris can get his legs that silky smooth.

dicky said...

He waxes now. Back when you were intimate with him, he was still using a razor.

Chris said...

You have no idea the things I can do with a razor.