Friday, November 9

Get out the rulers...

Tonight is the Princess Bride Alleycat race at the Spoke Easy.

I will be there.

I do not know if I will be racing.

My attendance is obligatory as a sponsor and drinker of free beer.
What does one have to do in order to be considered a sponsor of a prestigious event such as this?  Taking a page out of Stevil's Book of Benevolent Benevolence, I contributed stuff and things, including but not limited to this:

Sadly enough, I found this in my dusty CD tower while looking for shower tuneage the other day.  Apparently I considered this "music" over a decade ago.  Some very fortunate alleycatter will be going home with this tonight.  Jelly much?

Why would I not race?  I get off work at 5:00PM.  I will be at the Spoke Easy at 5:11PM.  I will have my first beer at 5:12PM in order to make sure I celebrate the one year anniversary of the shop and Jon Danger Evan's birthday appropriately.  The race starts at 7:00PM, and in alleycat time, that will probably be more like 7:45PM.

I probably won't be fit to race.

"Probably" meaning "definitely."

The other odd concept being that I would be riding around Charlotte in a manner not too unsimilar with the way I've spent my 9-5 for more than 15 years.  Sure, it would be dark and there's the possibility of facing challenges unlike those I encounter at work, like perhaps a "Game of Wits."

But alas, the desire in me to race is small yet the desire to stand around while drinking and and watching people do so is great.

Which would be why I probably won't be racing tomorrow either.

The race doesn't start until 11:00AM, so there is a chance I will be up early enough to get out there and watch.  I plan on being in no condition to "race."   By "no condition" I mean bleary eyed and bloated.  There will be a cyclocross race (a sport where racers of questionable sexuality race overbuilt road bikes around in the grass for a period of time slightly longer than an extended episode of Friends) after the championship race, so the potential spectatormanship will be maximized.

Truth be told, I am tired.  I raced two weekends further into the "season" than I had originally planned.  I put a fair amount of myself into those two races, and my competitive spirit has been quelled... save for unplanned Wii bowling events.  I have measured my penis enough times in 2012 to assure myself that it is adequate enough in size to impress 50% of the female population.

That's why we race, right?

I mean, except cyclocross. 


Anonymous said...

what you need to be doing is going to the social d show afterwards...

Shane S. said...

My John Holmes to your Ron Jeremy.