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Friday, March 15

It was only a part-time gig anyways

Prepare to stay loose on this...

I've got a few things to discuss and a bonus video if you stick around (or skip ahead).

Niner Bikes is having a contest to win their "coming soon" All Mountain hardtail, which can be made into a single speed (who wants that?).  All you had to do was come up with a name.  I have plenty of bikes already, but I tossed a name out there in the interest of spreading the gnar-gnar urban vernacular.

S.A.S 9 ~ Slam and Schralp 9

Slam?

In reference to the internal dropper post compatibility

Schralp?

" To aggressively negotiate terrain using any manner of vehicle. schralped, schralper, schralping, schralpingest"

Now, winning a bike is what it is.  I'm not worried about that as much as I am the following:
* I want a bike to exist in the real world with the term "Schralp" in the name

*I don't want the current leader to win

AMP 9.

Srsly.

Doesn't anybody remember that there were already AMP's like a couple decades ago?

This new bike is the farthest thing from this flexy, underbuilt, fragile relic ridden by handsome yet hapless riders of yore.

So end this travesty.  Send Schralp to the top.  It takes five seconds.  This is less about winning and more about making everyone else lose.  Go on over, do it, and come back.  I'll wait.

Click the link and look for my entry just towards the bottom (or a little further) of the screen when you first get there.

Be careful to not get confused.  There are hundreds of entries.  Mine is the best, so look no further.  Only vote once, they're checking IPs... don't be douchey.

And then there is this:

An article which is apparently part of a series of articles written by Kurt Genseimer, AKA: The Angry Singlespeeder... the first of many "mercurial musings."

I am mostly aware of this thanks to my Facefriends who posted this on my wall countless times, dropped my name in the comments, and generally referenced me as yet another "angry single speeder."

Fuck you.

I am not angry, per se.  I do get angry from time to time, sorta like The Hulk.



I don't get the whole "angry single speeder" thing.  Sure, we have some issues for the most part, but what about Endless Bike's very own Shanna Powell?

Single speeder?

Yes, to the bone.

Angry?

She doesn't know the word.  She even opted to download the Happy Bird app to her iPhone, a game where you take in orphan birds, feed them, and raise them as your own to be productive bird citizens.  Shanna is a happy single speeder, one of many I know.

Well, then there's Peter.

Here he is being approached by a fat bike moments before smashing his forty ounce (they call them 1.18294118 litres in Canada) and stabbing it to death with the shards.  Peter is almost always angry, which is atypical Canadian behaviour (they frivolously spell things with extra U's).  When Peter isn't angry, he's getting angry over the fact that he may have experienced some other emotion.  I can guarantee that just mentioning Niner at the beginning of this post sent Peter into such a rage that the Canadian police were called to his house to tell him to "Keep it down, eh?"

So this "angry single speeder" guy....

His second article was about the stupidity of STRAVA, which has been discussed ad nauseam.  I considered writing an article regarding my loathing of STRAVA for Dirt Rag back in August of 2012 while sitting on a plane on my way home from the Breck Epic, only to open up an issue of Bike Mag and find not one, not two, but way too many articles on the topic already.

But hey, why not one more?  Thanks, Angry Singlespeeder.

I'm starting to feel like maybe this fat bike thing is good.  Maybe no one will care about single speeders anymore, and we can go back to riding in the shadows and avoiding eye contact.  Maybe I'm angry, but I was angry before it was cool, and well before I started single speeding.  I'd blame my parents, but since my father is gone and my mother is in a wheel chair, even I'm not angry enough to go there.

This weekend...

Faster Mustache camping and riding.

Possible moments with the Dirt Rag crew and I might have to see how far I can push things with Mike "Bonowannabe" Cushionbury now that he's my editor.


Does anyone think gay chicken with your boss is a bad thing?

Oh yeah, vote for Slam and Schralp and then watch this, the highlights from the Tour duh Charlotte.

9 comments:

Peter Keiller said...

wow.
so many words.
such few contents.

why doesn't niner just call the fucking thing what it is...red. to sum up all of their efforts in one name...red.

if you can't hit it with a hammer and you've pretty much made it before, colour it red...everyone buys red...it's red.

fuckit.

dicky said...

You're just angry because you didn't think of red first...

that, and you were already angry to begin with.

Rob said...

TdC looks ridiculously fun. Totally willing to make the trip for the next one, assuming it hasn't been d-bagified like all cool stuff eventually gets.

And I won't be angry.

DRB said...

Running an Manitou EFC DH fork on that AMP. The hints were there even back then.....

dicky said...

Yep, and shortly thereafter the 150mm stem was swapped for a super short 90mm and the OG 3/4lb Answer riser bar went on.

Trail bike before there were ever trail bikes...

TheMutt said...

I was angry before I was a single speeder. Now I'm angrier that I still own a geared bike.

Will Repsher said...

R.L. Burnside. Sweet
AMP may've already been done, but so has S.A.S., sort of. Bianchi's S.A.S.S. or Shiny Ass Single Speed.

dougyfresh said...

ARK?
OSM?

really? those acronyms are stupid. Niner should have asked the US Military to name it. They are great at acronyms.

Anonymous said...

So much effort in putting up a hate campaign for my entry...(note to self: I must be doing something right)

To bad some douche found a way to rig the vote and your wonderfull entry goes down the...

I know what AMP-research was/is... And you really think there is any link?! Maybe it's a chance to set the AMP record right!

Greetz, Bettes