Tuesday, December 17

You can not force open the petals of a flower

Yesterday's post was uninspired.

It's the season... not to be confused with the "season."

I think I bottomed out a little early this year.  Maybe it's because in my history of being an employable human, I've only enjoyed less than two years of labor that wasn't negatively impacted by what some refer to as "the holidays."

You know those people that just live for these weeks of supposed bliss?  The ones who love to go shopping for shit their loved ones didn't even know they needed, baking consumables for a bunch of people who don't really need to be sticking anything else in their mouths, so much so that it get's left out and tossed away while others are starving not just across the globe but across town?  Happy, smiling fucks that can't wait to say "Merry Christmas"... even if it's a fucked up holiday, a mix of so many pagan and Christian traditions that should make any sane person say "Dafuq you say?"

Those people.  Invert that attitude and you have me.  Growing in my bitter, cynical ways every year.  Christmas paper wars, wherein you send out a preemptive attack to known enemies early on and if more correspondence arrives to your house, you send a retaliative volley of offensively cheerful garbage stuffed in an envelope and know that somehow you won?  I just don't take part and occasionally offend those that do.

I know what you're thinking.

"I know that I do not have your superior intellect and education, but could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?"


I am bored.  My to-do list (otherwise known as my inbox) has little to keep my busy.

Pointless emails that I've held onto... blog fodder... some for perhaps too long.

Time to let them go.  All of them.

And I'm wasting a certain amount of storage holding onto updates regarding my new bell.  It's the only thing I'm waiting on for my new bike (other than the frame), now that my wheels are here:

Yes, the front wheel is ironically the Enduro™ model, but keep in mind that Industry Nine was Enduro before Enduro™ went all Enduro™™.  I want the extra volume up front and nothing as silly as a little extra weight and irony can hold me back.

It just struck me that my new frame... Vertigo.  More than just the name of a desirable ti frame maker.

noun: vertigo
a sensation of whirling and loss of balance, associated particularly with looking down from a great height, or caused by disease affecting the inner ear or the vestibular nerve; giddiness.

Irony is everywhere, even when I'm not looking for it.  Anyone who is not familiar with my fear of heights, go back and read my La Ruta posts and get back to me.

And why for crissakes, am I holding onto update emails about a bell?


Since they only expected to sell about a thousand $35-45 bells, but in the end sold closer to ten thousand...

The delivery date has been postponed from November until...  because...

They had to acquire a larger space to assemble the bells.

And then design packaging.

And instructions.

So for my $80 investment in two bells that I hoped to have in November...

All I have to hold onto are these emails.

I know how El Guapo felt on his birthday.  I don't want a sweater.  I want my guns (bells... same thing).

At least I cleared out a couple emails from my inbox. That's something.


Joe Pelton said...

Merry Christmas Dicky!
Don't be a Hater.

Anonymous said...

wow, you are a miserable little hater aren't you. Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

I'd hate Christmas to if I were a little elf looking motherfucker like yourself. Now go bake Santa some cookies Keebler.


Chris said...

Why is the red 29" label not centered between the yellow X and X on the rear wheel?

dicky said...

Laziness... they're not toobless yet either. Figured why would I put juice in them when they're not gonna get ridden for months?

Anonymous said...

OMG dude what nasty swamp ass gnome land did you come from, crap you need to get laid.

John said...

Don't you already have like 10 sets of pink wheels? Why not just use the ones off the Carver?

dicky said...

They were geared 24 hole on Trail rimzors.

Not what I wanted for this.

Andrea said...

Yeah. Fuck holidays.

the original big ring said...

Humbug?!?! Are you still mad at Santa for kicking you out of the elf village?

Do you know how long it took me to get those stickers centred on my nipples? And then give me no credit in your anti-Santa-kwanza-Hanukkah rant by putting a big black rectangle over me face!?! Wtf!