2014 Westward Ho Before Bros Mancation: Days Seven and Eight

I woke up wanting to go all "axe murderer" on the too-old-to-be-sorority-girls that made too much noise the night before, but the need to find my misplaced That Butt Stuff took precedence.   We had to hurry up...

so we could get to the shuttle on time to wait for it to show up.

When the van showed up (and the man driving it, who seemed highly qualified to hold the keys), we loaded our bikes and headed to the La Sal Mountains to get our Whole Enchilada on.

On the way, I realized my bottle of CarboRocket Half Evil had leaked all over my lower back and the ass of my bibs while leaning against the post waiting for the shuttle.  I was wet and smelly.  There was no room to maneuver in the very back seat of the van, as I was squished against the wall by Bill Nye and the two German fräuleins he was chatting up.  I sat there, moist and miserable, my skinny ass on the lumpy edge of the seat, desperate to get out.  At least I wasn't up front with Wirun wondering if he was going to vomit on me.

The push up to the top of Burro Pass was as hard as would be expected.  I picked up some local flora and fauna... that must be shared because Matt McFee loves pictures of flowers.

Once at the top, we hit the East Coast style gnar.  Wet roots and rocks and a quick moment with Bill Nye touching the floor.  Back up and moving and trying to find a happy place in the shuttle group that would end our horrible, flow-busting game of leap frog.

And then we popped out into a Colorado State Weed grove.

Bill Nye, showing us the number of wrecks he had on the Burro Pass portion of The Whole Enchilada.  That number would be "1."

Beth Roberts, local Moab honch and former Pisgah Princess, came by us and said "hi."  She also said JHK, Heather Irmiger and a posse of pros getting ready for the weekend's Big Mountain Enduro™ were coming behind her.  Great.  I need a dose of skill shaming.

The Enduro™ folk came around us as we waited our turn to enter Hazard County.  We dove in, I had to address a low air issue in my rear tire, Bill Nye took another unplanned nap or two in the dirt, and then we made it to Upper and Lower Porcupine.

Bill Nye made an attempt at The Notch...

Which was more than either Wirun or I did.  Then we continued onward.

Sometimes you get the shot, sometimes you get another shot.

Bill Nye... does not know how to use a diving board.

But continues to utilize his new bike to expand his skill set.

More scenery passed by in our peripherals that if you really wanted to see what it looked like, you could use the google...

and on down to my favorite sections of Porcupine Rim.

If you like scenery, here's some mud that I thought was pretty neat.

I asked Wirun if that wasn't the coolest mud he'd ever seen.

"No."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I've seen better.  Sorry my bubble is bigger than yours."

And then down the lower portions which make me feel like I might shat myself before getting to the bottom, stop at the spring for some fresh water, and then enjoy the bike path (new to me) back to town, the Moab Brewery, and hammock for some sleep (after watching Inglorious Bastards on Bill Nye's iPhone). 
The last stop on the way back to Denver would be Fruita.  We  hit the 18 Road/Bookcliffs trails.  The famous Zippity Do Da, high on the list. 

A guy in the parking lot asked us is we had a hanger.  Before we could say, "What kinda bike?" and "No," he clarified, "a clothes hanger."

Locked his keys in the car.  Sucks for him.  We left the parking lot and stopped to address an ongoing but ignored issue with Wirun's bike.  It was still unaddressed and ongoing when we started rolling again, but his loose bottle cage was fixed.

Over to Zippity Do Da, where as one could expect, I shat my pants again.

I was glad to finally see Zippity Do Da, but not as glad as I was to get off it.  Exposure... not my thing.  Next up, we wanted to hit Kessel Run, even though it was evident that the elevation change was not going to be significant.  We stopped in the lot to see if we could fix Wirun's loose rear wheel, but upon closer inspection, it was a broken axle... that he'd probably been riding around on for a few days.  He was out, and we didn't want to make him sit in the car forever, but we didn't mind asking for a ride up to the top of Kessel (yes, a shuttle of Kessel Run).

He obliged, and Bill Nye and I tried to race him back to the car.

That is until we came across an injured rider and her two friends at the bottom of Kessel Run.  It's a very long story from there, with much humor to be had later as to her previously "puncturing an artery in her ankle with a toothpick a week ago," and her asking Bill Nye and I if we were Christians.

Strange.  We stuck around long enough to get the medics where they needed to go, her body and bike back to the parking lot, and in time to witness the guy with the keys locked in his car almost successfully get his doors unlocked after nabbing them from a duffel bag like he was building a ship in a bottle.

On the drive out and on our way back to Denver, I stopped and took this final photo of some flowers on the side of the road.

Because Matt McFee loves his pictures of flowers.