What's "WATTS FAPPENING?"

Yes, of course the weather will be fantastic this weekend.

Don't even ask me about the mountain weather.

I'll have to figure out a way to ride outside somehow despite my ouchy ribness.  I'm sure as Shinola (what's the diff?) not getting on that trainer device again.



The Pie being out of town, my duties as primary parent will take precedence over most other things.

No better time than now (because I didn't do it before) to mention that the Watts Fappening '15 Brewery Crawl Bike Ride-a-Thon for Alcohol Awareness is going to happen.

Returning the favor and hostiness that Watts showed Bill Nye and I when we visited the small farming village of Greensboro (a town rife with left turns) this past December, we are having him down to play games with us this time. I hope to go on an all-terrain bike ride with him in the morning at the Backyard Trails, clean up, and then head over on bicycles to the start of the day at Sugar Creek Brewing Company @3:00PM.  From there, it's an eight mile journey (basically north and across town) with stops at Triple C, Sycamore Brewing, Unknown Brewery, NoDa Brewing Company, Birdsong Brewing Company, and Heist Brewery to the finish line at the Growlers Pourhouse. 

Whilst I will pump the non-event on Facebook with annoying frequency, I will not be "inviting" anyone.  Three reasons:

1.  I'm only responsible for the welfare of Watts, and getting him back to my house and in bed (alone) at the end of the night is as much as I can handle.

2.  I don't want to go through my list of "friends" on Facebook and try to figure out which ones would not be too geographically-challenged to accept an invite (although someone is already coming from Roanoke, VA).  I know how awesome it is to be invited to go on a shop ride in Dubuque, IA or a birthday party in Yeehaw Junction, FL.

3.  I don't want the butt-hurt elementary school Valentine's experience of forgetting someone I shouldn't have forgotten.  By inviting no one, I show no favorites.  No least-favorites either.  I hate most everyone equally.

There will be no schedule, a loose route, no requirement to drink a beer at every stop, no sag vehicles, no aid stations, no cause served.  Just beer, bikes, and a common goal.

The Pie said I should have goals.  I hope to make her proud.

Some have asked me about the schedule.  I can not set an exact time frame for each stop.  Things happen.  More so when you add beer.  I put this onus of setting the pace on Watts, since this is his fappening after all.

I realize it would have been easiest to just keep the FacePage updated as we move along.

I'm just afraid that once we get a few stops down the road, we may not be so much good with word things on electronical devices.

So here it it.  We drink and move at a Watts pace.  He is a pretty solid consumer of beverage, but also a benevolent pacemaker.

Keep your eyes peeled.  When he finishes his beer, he will put on his helmet.  Others will follow.  We'll be heading to the next location in the next five to ten minutes.

I am aware of the timesuck that will be created when we stop at NoDa Brewing Company because our next stop (Birdsong) is right across the parking lot... and there's a food truck out back.  We'll do our best to keep everyone together, but realize that our best may not be good enough.

Things you should bring:

Clothes for a decent temperature swing
$50 (to be on the safe side)
Lights (front and rear)
Lock
Helmet
ID
A smartphone.  If you get lost, this will help you find yourself, the next stop, us, home, a cab... all kinds of things.  If you're privileged enough to blow $40 on beer and tips in a day, you probably have a smart phone.  Tell me that's a terrible thing to say if you want, but it's true.

I'd apologize for doing this on Valentine's Day, but most everyone knows it's a bullshit holiday.  Make out, dry hump, put the P in the V (or B) or whatever you do to honor St Valentine on Friday, mmkay?

MAKE NO MISTAKE.  This will be a waste of almost an entire day.  There is no reason to do this whatsoever.  You will alienate loved ones and at the end of the day have accomplished nothing.

But you will end up about eight miles from where you started and I have no idea how you're getting home.  I'll probably use google maps and the big buildings for reference.

Hopefully I have built this event up to the point where no one will have more than one expectation (that it will happen), and the assurance that you will get your money's worth ($0 entry fee).